Golden Boy
by Andrea Weiling
Summary: The first in a series of "love stories" that I'll do. FINISHED, finally. AU, yaoi-ish. I borrowed a bit from the book "Lavan Firestorm".
1. Torn

All chapters in this story will be in Kaoru's POV, unless otherwise denoted. I've decided not to put any Author's notes at the bottom…I just don't feel like it for some reason…hope you guys don't mind.  
  
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Ch.1: Torn  
  
Overhead, the disco ball's light sang. Pink, blue, yellow danced over the floors while I watched rather bored in the corner. People danced in the middle, people made out in the corners, people got drunk at the bar. Tonight was busy, I had to admit. But, I wasn't here to watch a bunch of useless people. I needed to find someone for tonight. I was here for tonight, not for anything else. Plus, a thirteen year old couldn't really drink anything anyways. Not that I didn't have a fake license to get in here, but that was besides the point. My point here was to get in here, get someone to rob, and then get the hell outta here.  
  
My eyes searched the crowd. There had to be some rich guy here. I could see the tight, high skirts of girls that I had no interest in. I could see the black leather slacks of some guy in the corner who had them half-shrugged off in his attempt to get at a girl. I looked away. That wasn't any of my business. I had to look for a guy who was kind of laid back; didn't wear tight stuff to show off his body, but certainly had a good one. A guy who purposefully wore plain clothes to underdress his status and wealth, and single. That was most important. And as my eyes ran over the people in the corner tables, they rested on just such a gentlemen.  
  
I grinned. There I go. Now all I had to do was wait for him to get up. I straightened my wig and fixed the fake pearls on my neck. The bangles clinked softly in a voice no one could hear as I intercepted the guy as he went towards the door. About twenty-looking, and if I was wrong, he was probably seventeen or something and just looked older for his age. He didn't have any makeup on; in fact, he didn't even bother to dress properly for this kind of club. I caught the edge of his sleeve and purred against him, careful not to let him see too much of my face until the last moment. "Hey", I said in the most seductive voice I could muster at the moment (inside, I was cringing from the heat of this stupid polyester skirt), "wanna you and me tonight?"  
  
This seemed to amuse him. A sardonic smile curled his lips, and his not-quite-gray-not-quite-brown-but-something-in-between ponytail swished with finery. I smirked with furious glee; I was gonna get me some money tonight once this guy was dead. After he was dead, it was only a matter of time before I could search his hotel room or such. However, I froze when he looked down at me (I hate it that everyone's taller than I am). His eyes seemed to pierce me with the strangest, coldest look I had ever seen. I almost stepped back in surprise, but my instincts caught me before that. If you step back, that little voice in my head warned, no money, which means no dinner for little Kaoru. But still, my intuition told me to turn away, to forget about this, to let go of this stranger's arm because he KNEW, he KNEW that I wasn't just going for a night of fun – he knew I was going to kill him and take his fat wallet and then run off to spend it. And even as that little instinct of "run away" told me to change my mind, to forget about this, his hand caught my shoulder, and his voice tickled in my ear more amorously than I had ever performed before.  
  
"Room 128, upstairs. Past midnight. Knock twice and wait." And he was gone when I turned.  
  
I wanted to run after him to call out to him, to tell him I wanted to call it off. That would've blown my cover, of course, not as a girl looking for a night of fun but as a thief and a cheapskate. But he was already gone when I turned. And I had nothing I could do but follow the appointment. In this little world, appointments were sacred. You broke one and went to jail. The streetwatchers, or affectionately called "police", could actually track down a decent person here. Promises were gold. You treated them as such. And as messed up as this society was with all it's goddamn rules, I still had to follow them. A lawbreaker didn't go without penance here. It was tight fitting if you were a crook. However, the police didn't have time to check each and every single murder case because there was enough rowdiness on the streets, so I would be let off. So far, as an experienced campaigner in the business, I had never been caught killing a guy for his money, nor had I been penalized in court. Hell, I had never even gone to court.  
  
"Knock twice and wait" echoed through my mind.  
  
* * *  
  
The clubhouse I had visited also hosted a rather rowdy hotel upstairs. The whole five-story building could have been called a five- story clubhouse – not a hotel. People who rented out the place usually rented it out for a night or so just to throw parties in its luxurious rooms, to lounge and stretch out like cats on red velvet couches, to twirl the curtains covers before they climbed on top of each other and 'slept'. People generally didn't sleep in this place. They partied, day and night. And while that was a bit of a trouble for us thieves (noise ruined the 'sexy' mood that we had to get before a person let us in their bed, which led to no money), it couldn't exactly be helped. The manager had tried to throw all of the drunk teenagers on the street, but he consequentially also lost a lot of money and even more customers for a little while. Finally they threw him out and replaced the old dude with a young punk that liked to party just as much as his customers.  
  
My hand trembled as I raised it to knock. Behind me several drunk girls passed me, leaning on each other's shoulders. I checked the room number for the umpteenth time (128; that number would be engraved in my memory for all time), and hesitantly knocked twice. There was a slight click, and the door opened.  
  
My target was currently leaning against the bureau, drying his hair. I could see muscles under that fine skin, and I knew that this would be a hard one. Blowing away a stray lock of hair, he looked out from the mass of gray-brown and said in a soft voice, "Hi. Welcome."  
  
A man of few words, I determined. Business instincts took over. The best thing to do was to get every single little detail about your little customer before you killed him, because then you'd know more to set the mood. Upstairs, there came a sudden crash and we both looked up at the ceiling at the same time. The sound upstairs was followed by loud, hysterical laughter. Some girl must be drunk, I thought. As always. Tomorrow I would have to change hotels so that I wouldn't be caught. The trick was to stay at a hotel a few nights, find a few guys each consecutive night to kill, then go to another hotel and do the same. If the police seemed to be lurking around, leave the hotel. That had actually happened to me, once. The streetwatchers in the halls beat down all the partying people. Me and my little victim were pretending (at least, I was pretending) to be making out, but before they could burst in, I knocked that little knob at the back of that man's neck and cracked his spine. Problem solved. The police left, thinking that we were both asleep, and I got the man's wallet from his pants pocket.  
  
I don't look back on those deaths. Who asked them to come to that club that night, find a pretty girl like me, and settle down for the night and get killed. I could have laughed at their stupidity. I wasn't even a girl, but if I offered the same to a girl, she's most likely turn it down. If I offered it to a guy…well, let's say the gays to go another club. A club I don't usually visit, and didn't want to visit anytime soon. I may not be afraid of killing someone, but I am hella scared of getting groped by some disgusting pervert, guy or girl.  
  
I slunk up close to him, like I usually do, and whispered something about falling in love at first sight. He seemed to buy it, and he led me to the bed. We slipped in without taking off whatever we had on (he didn't have much to take off anyways, just a towel), and when he trailed his lips over my cheek and my neck I whimpered in response. This usually got them going, making their movement aggressive and taking their minds off what I was doing. Now was the time, I thought, when he pressed his face against the crook of my neck. In one swift movement, I pulled out of the small knife I hid in the back of my shirt and brought it down on the man's unprotected neck.  
  
I found it parried by an ornate bone hilt with a jewel larger than my eyes . It didn't even have a blade on it; just a hilt. And while I was shocked, I forgot what I supposed to be doing for the moment and found myself smothered in the pillows and stomach down on the bed. Damn. The guy caught me unawares.  
  
"Nice to meet you too, Kaoru Kogenei", his low, husky whisper raced against my skin like hot ice. I involuntarily shivered. Who could he be, some kinda police or streetwatcher of sorts? It was certainly possible. I struggled, but he had already bound my hands together. In a movement, he flipped me over and promptly sat on my legs. I whined in response. He was HEAVY.  
  
Behind me, my hands worked to free the string. Think of it like the puzzles you like to do, I thought to myself as my hands furiously found holes in the knotting and started to pull it out. That's right, Kogenei, let your brilliant mind take over that puzzle. It's just another mistake this guy's made. But meanwhile, I had to keep the act.  
  
"Hey", I said in my best "I'm-so-innocent" voice, "why'd you wrap me up? I haven't done nuthin' wrong, mister. I'm just a girl looking for some fun. Won't you let me go?" I batted my eyelashes, but he didn't seem to be buying it. His face remained stoic. Mentally I groaned. Why did I pick this guy again? Oh, yes. Of course. He looked aristocratic. A guy easy to kill. So why was I struggling? My hands straightened the piece of string. I couldn't go anywhere right now, even with my hands unbound. I had to wait for him to get off of my legs first before I could take a run for it. Neither could I let my eyes stray from his face, or else he would realize I was looking for an escape route and look suspicious. Keep up the act, Kogenei. You'll get out of this, I told myself.  
  
"This", he said, picking up my penknife from where it had dropped on the other side of the spacious bed, "pretty much shows what you are, Kogenei. I don't think I, or you, need any explanations. You are a thief and a murderer, am I correct?"  
  
"Mou", I whined in my best whiny voice, "what are you talking about? I'm just a girl looking for some fun! Mister, you're really heavy, can you get off of my legs? They're falling asleep…" I trailed off at the intense look of his eyes.  
  
In a single moment, he lifted that stupid hilt of a sword and brought it under the hem of my shirt and brought it up. The shirt, the bra, ripped in two right down the middle of my chest. And that, of course, clearly showed I was NOT a girl, but very much a male. With that done, he then threw my wig of brown hair to the other side of the room. Not good, because he was looking more and more serious with every moment that passed. I struggled against his weight on my legs. I had to get them off! I didn't want to go to jail or anything! The people in there were crazy, and some people were raped there! I simply COULD NOT survive if I went there. With that thought, and with my pride, my hips tried to buck him off, but he only remained on there. Damn that I was so short and he was so tall!  
  
"I offer you a choice, Kaoru Kogenei. You can stay here in the dumps or you can come up with me and never be hungry again." I paused. Certainly a very tempting offer. But never mind. I was a kid. I needed freedom. And if this perverted guy was looking to take my body or something, I wasn't living for it. With one final triumphant shout, I threw him off of the bed completely with the force of my legs and untangled the last of my rope from my hands. Grabbing my dagger from where it dropped, I ran over him and towards the door.  
  
His hand came on me a moment before that shiny knob was in my grasp. Kicking and shouting to wake the dead, he dragged me back to the bed. I fought against him using tooth, nail and knife, trying to keep my weapon away. He avoided my swipes with practiced ease and after a moment, delivered a sharp chop to my wrist. The dagger fell to the floor, where he kicked it away. Weaponless and now terribly frightened, I looked at him with wide eyes.  
  
It was then he gave me the biggest surprise of my life.  
  
He did something kind. A stranger did something kind. A man I was going to kill did something kind for me. In one moment, he had seized me in something that could only be described as an affectionate hug. I froze. This wasn't what I expected. Incomplete thoughts whirled around in my head. I felt choked from all this sympathy, yet I felt so free from this fake love, like the booze when you drink too much. I felt completely detached from the bed, the walls the room. All I could feel, all I could see, was his arms around me, that simple gesture of sympathy that made me lean against him and sigh contentedly. Never once did I think that he was an enemy. It didn't occur to me. I forgot who I was, and why we had been fighting. Hell, I even forgot why he had a sword hilt in his hand and there was a dagger on the other side of the room.  
  
And in a heartbeat, I had thrust him away from me. This man, this man was someone I had to kill. I had to take his money to survive. Survival of the fittest, of course. And all thoughts of love and whatever it is angels preach was gone from my mind in an instant, and there was, installed, the old, calculating mind of Kaoru Kogenei, back in place. I sprang back and place my hand on my dagger, only to find it kicked away. I threw a punch, only to have it deflected. I tried everything. There was no sound in the room except for the noise upstairs and downstairs, and the sound of our panting as we fought against each other, our eyes seeking weakness.  
  
And there, absent in his eyes, was that same cold calculating feeling I knew I had. He wasn't trying to kill me, I realized as I looked him in the face. He was trying to save this poor, desolate little thirteen year old. And while that little kid wondered what he could do to save his ruined life, that stranger was helping him. He gave me a hug. That was the singlemost glorious moment of my life. I had never, ever received anything like that before. The word "love" and "kindness were foreign to me. What had this stranger done to change that?  
  
Softly, I lowered my dagger. It fell against my shoe. He lowered his hands from his stance, and slowly walked up to me. "Kaoru Kogenei", he said softly, "I have a proposition to make. Come with me, and you'll never go hungry again. I promise. I know this may sound foolish, but in the place I live in there's no such thing as what you're doing now. I promise."  
  
And through my mind, there only came one thought: what had I done to deserve this kindness from this man I did not know? So far in my life I had maimed, lied, cheated, stole, a thousand atrocities that God up there frowned upon. Why was this stranger offering me this when it should belong to some other saint in a church, ready to be lifted upon the bough of affection? It shouldn't be me. I wasn't…I wasn't…  
  
…worthy…  
  
With that, I tore out of the room, flapping shirt and ripped bra, no wig and high-heeled shoes and all. Gasping I hit the air outside of the club – how did I get there? I didn't quite remember – and tore down the street. And only when I reached the end of the street did I slow and take off my shoes, and set them to the side. That night, I lost everything: my pride, my affection for solitude, and my antipathy for life. 


	2. Who You Really Are

Ch.2: Who You Really Are  
  
Coast clear. No one in the halls. At least, no one awake. Most of the party people from last night were either asleep or completely senseless to know the difference between up and down. As I passed, several of them giggled and reached out to me. I felt faintly disgusted; they looked as if they had been through a windmill and then spit back out. My grip on my spare knife in my pocket grew stronger as I reached door 128. The door to that stranger's room. My hand was on the knob. I turned and pushed it open.  
  
Why was I here again? I wanted to ask him if he truly meant what he said. Why would any person in the right mind pick up a kid from the streets, used to killing for money, and give him some proper home somewhere? It didn't make sense. In this society, and in any other, there was a distinct line between poor and rich. You were either very poor or very rich. Both were desperate to remain where they were. The poor stayed poor their whole life. So why was he bestowing some kind of miracle upon me when I didn't do anything but try to kill him. I wasn't supposed to get this kind of…attention. It didn't quite make sense; why give shelter to an alley cat when all it will do is bite and scratch? I had a pretty good idea what a "good life" was: eating good, sleeping in a soft bed, buying everything you want. I was sure as hell I wouldn't fit into that kind of society. I worked for my existence. To have it thrown at your feet like that made it…well, worthless.  
  
So then, why was I, a street rat who WORKED for his living, still worthless? I frowned. The world suddenly made no sense. Oh yeah – when did it?  
  
"Stranger", I called softly. "Hey, mister, are you here?"  
  
No answer. I checked the rooms of the spacious hotel suite. No one. He must be out, I figured. But as I turned back around, there came the click of penknives at my back. A voice breathed in my ear, "You Golden Boy? Kaoru Kogenei?" The point of several knives drove themselves further into my back and I winced. Apparently that passed for a nod, and a pair of hands dragged me out of the door and into the hall, where I was twirled around and slammed into the nearest wall. Hard. The breath choked itself out of me.  
  
The face of a pretty ugly guy stared back down at me. I cringed at his breath; he had apparently be drinking. Which, of course, made me wonder just how old this guy was. He couldn't be any older than I was! But, alcohol resistance built up over binging time, so maybe this kid, like me, just used his money that he took off of people to buy drinks instead of clothes and food or whatever else a person needed to survive. And telling by his clothes and the way they reeked, I could tell that he probably took money off of his own gang members, who were crowded in a semicircle around the both of us. The big boss sniggered and sneered, "What little small fry YOU are, Kaoru Kogenei. Say, any money on you?"  
  
Inside, I burned with anger. I may look small, but I was already thirteen! It made sense when this guy was probably older (but a whole lot stupider) than I was that he was teasing me about my age and my height, but I always took it as just an invitation to show them how good my fighting skills were. However, I couldn't exactly move right now; his two goons held both of my arms in place. Both smiled crooked, broken-toothed smiles. Several of the kids tried (unsuccessfully) to lick the edges of their knives to look at least somewhat scary. All they ended up doing was damaging the ends of their tongues. I snorted with laughter. This whole band of idiots looked and acted like a band of monkeys.  
  
A slap rang out and my face whipped to the side painfully. "Shut up, you twerp! Where's da money, eh? You ain't mockin' me, are yeh, kid? You're justa small fry, so shut yer trap! I'm in control here!" The boss pressed his pimply face dangerously close to mine, and tried to sound threatening, "I'll kill ya, ya know."  
  
Yeah, as if I didn't know that already. On the streets, people killed other people. That was the way things went, right? It was kind of OBVIOUS that they were trying to make me look stupid. But, I wasn't Golden Boy for nothing, right? I had gotten my name from the time I had almost gotten caught but managed to grab a rather large bag of gold coins from this fat, blustering man who almost ran out in a bath towel to chase me. So, from then on, I was called the "Golden Boy". I was rather proud of that name. And how I managed to hide that sack of gold from all those other idiots (and had it remain hidden), was still a mystery to even myself. I contributed my brilliance all to my wonderful brain, which worked out solutions when other people would be stuck. Idiots ruled the world. I was content not to rule the world. Easy philosophy, right?  
  
The stupid boss held a knife to my throat. "Stop laughing, you squirt! Betcha lookin' for that guy who was in here last night, eh? Well, he left this morning. So, he ain't gonna be back to save your sorry ass, little Kogenei. Kiss your last hope goodbye, sucker!"  
  
That burned. Badly. Before I knew it, I had knocked my two arm- holders into each other and slashed their leader a rather nasty gash across his chest. That man, the stranger that was in room 128 last night – he looked as if he had courage. Courage enough to invite a kid who would most definitely kill him if he got the chance into his room and into his bed! The man knew, he wasn't afraid of me. And taking that philosophy, I put it into my current situation. It looked rather bad. Lots of people against me. But like that stranger whose name I still did not know, I would stay put. I'd see this through and come out on top with my own brains and brilliance.  
  
"Gentlemen, is this any way to crowd a corridor? I don't believe there is still a party going on. Kindly excuse me." My head jerked at the voice. It was the stranger! His long ponytail swished indulgently as he pushed past two rather dumbfounded boys who didn't quite know what to make of him. He smiled at them politely (probably something they'd never seen before), excused himself kindly. As he passed me, he gave a little nod and a little smile. But he paused before he got to his door, where the leader of the pack sat there on his derriere and blubbered about his new scar, courtesy of Golden Boy Corporation. "Oh, are you hurt?", the stranger asked softly and knelt beside the boy. "Here, let me patch it up for you." And as the leader protested, from the stranger's hand came a strange blue light, and exploded into ice.  
  
When the stranger stepped back, the leader had been placed into an ice box. Perfectly cubical, it looked as if it were glass. And as the stranger turned back around, I could see the glint of the bone handle he had used to block my knife last night in his hand. Addressing the silent, shocked crowd, he said winningly, "Now, that's not very polite, is it, to band up against a defenseless little boy." I started at this. I was NOT a defenseless little boy! But he continued, "Do kindly take your iced leader to where he belongs: in a trash dump. Most of you don't even like him, I bet." He acted as if he were thoughtful as the ice box holding the leader shattered behind him and melted on the carpet. "Now, I wonder what he does to keep you in check."  
  
Angrily the leader of boys threw a punch at the stranger that never connected. Instead, there was soon nothing left connected to that wrist. A bloody hand fell to the floor. The stranger had cut the boss's hand off! The pudgy boy gave a scream and clutched his bleeding hand to his chest. At once, the stranger sent a kick his way, and it threw the unfortunate fellow into the air before crashing down again. Thoroughly frightened, the stupid boy barely managed to say "Get him!" to the other boys before wagging his fat butt downstairs and out the building.  
  
The other boys didn't see him. Rather scared, they all screamed upon the stranger. For a moment, I thought my target last night would be overwhelmed – but when the dust cleared, the boys had been turned into frozen statues. I was then that I noticed the stranger's sword was red. My eyes skittered down the length of the sword hilt with shock. He must be Mikagami Tokiya, the current Ensui wielder! I gasped in shock, and his attention turned to me. One of the boys in the ice statues broke and drove his dirk deep into the stranger's arm. He gave a wince, but that was all. Giving the attacker an annoyed look, he sent him into a wall where the boy lay dazed. Seeing this, the other boys released from their ice statues fled. Soon, there was just silence again. Him and me and the snoring people in the hall. And now that I knew who he was, I was a bit afraid of looking at him in fear he might do something.  
  
The highest people in this messed up society were not the wealthy people. They were the Hokage, the Elemental Masters who defended against the Terror of the East, the Man Who Had No Name. There were many, many Elemental Items, many of them shared by more than one person. The by far, there were several that matched each other as the best, the top of the line: the Tekkou, the Fujin, the Ensui, the Baque, and the Kougon Anki. All Elemental Masters, both greater and lesser, were trained at the Academy, the highest form of honor that could be bestowed upon anybody. It meant that you had abilities that no one else had – and you were respected because of that. There were hundreds of Elemental Items, called Madougu, in the Academy. No one could get in there by cheating or pulling strings because naturally the Academy got everyone who had the brightest brains and the sharpest abilities around. You couldn't fake it. The Academy didn't accept applications from students; it went out and looked for them.  
  
Could it be that he was looking for someone to inherit his Ensui? Me, even?  
  
As I watched, he brushed his hand lightly over the blade of his sword and the blood splashed onto the ground. Giving the end part of the hilt a slight polish, he then gave me a look that clearly said "Follow me" and opened the door to his room. There came a slight whimper from the other end of the hall. It was the boy who stabbed him earlier. When Mikagami turned his eyes on the unfortunate boy again, he cowered and threw his hands over his head. Satisfied that the boy wouldn't try anything, he held the door open for me as I stepped inside for the third time.  
  
It occurred to me, ashamedly, that I didn't know what to say. He, for a part, ignored me for the moment and peeled off his outer coat. As I suspected, underneath was the black shirt that Academy members wore. As the cloth came off, the wound ripped open and began to cheerfully bleed again. He gave a grunt of pain and put his hand over the wound. It did no good; the blood gushed out with renewed ferocity. My eyes darted to the pillow on the bed. Tearing the fluffy annoyance out of the pillowcase, I then tore the white cloth into two-inch wide strips. Looking at how little that was, I set it beside the chair where he was sitting and then proceeded to rip out the white silk bedcovers and cut those into strips hurriedly. The wound wouldn't wait.  
  
When I rushed over with the makeshift bandages, he was already dabbing lightly at the wound with anesthetic. Taking the cotton ball from him, I dipped it back into the bottle and then scrubbed rather roughly at the red area. I softened my movements when he winced, and frowned when I saw the wound had gone pretty deep. Deciding there was nothing more I could do, I rinsed the injury with water and then tied it up the best I could. I had seen other people do it, but I found I had to retie many of the bandages before I got it right. The blood seeped through the first few, but he motioned that was enough to last for now, and I slowly backed away.  
  
Suddenly I became glaringly apparent of the finery on these walls: the paintings, the bedsheets, the velvet chairs, the fine wooden furniture. Peeking into the bathroom, there was a shower and a Jacuzzi, both with inlaid gold faucets. It made me wonder how party people managed not to get them chipped, or have them stolen by thieves like me. Royal draperies adorned the lone window. I felt, suddenly, very conspicuous, as if everything in the room was watching me because they knew I didn't belong here, a shabby alley cat with mottled fur.  
  
Mikagami seemed not to notice (at least, I THINK he was THE Mikagami). "Thank you", he said softly as he put the shirt and the coat back on. Picking up the hilt of his sword, he walked past me to the bathroom. Inside, I heard the sound of running water and he emerged again with a small bottle of water. Seeing my puzzled look, he answered, "For the sword. It likes water." I watched rather curiously as he poured the water over the hilt. Before my eyes, the hilt seemed to soak up the liquid like tree roots. Giving the weapon a faint smile, he slipped it inside of his coat and then looked at me graciously. "Want to come along?"  
  
I felt the faint blush of embarrassment touch my cheeks. "What – what did you mean when you said that I should go with you?"  
  
His face wasn't smiling, but it wasn't hardened into a glare either. "I meant what I said. I sense something special around you, Kogenei. I believe you could be accepted into the Academy, if you wish."  
  
My jaw dropped to the floor in amazement. "Really?", I exclaimed, and almost felt like jumping around in joy. "I could be accepted into the Academy?" Completely forgetting about his wound, I grabbed his arm and repeated over and over, "When? When can I go? Can I go now? What'll I do once I'm there? Will I be accepted? What does it look like? Are the people there nice –"  
  
His soft laughter caught me off guard. It sounded sorrowfully sweet, like a laugh not used too often. I knew it was a real laugh, not a fake one. I felt that this was a side of him he didn't like to show. Rubbing his injury a little ruefully, he answered, "All people are nice if you look at them from their own perspectives. As for the Academy, you've seen it, haven't you? A large building in the outskirts? However, I can't guarantee you'll be accepted, but I can give you a room and a bed and a meal for tonight."  
  
That sounded better than anything for the moment, except for being accepted into the Academy. I had not eaten since last night, wondering why this stranger had given me such an offer. I agreed to his terms enthusiastically after promising myself I would break them immediately (don't run in the halls after lights out, don't talk too loudly because it disturbs the students, don't wander anywhere and get lost). A door was open. I walked through it. 


	3. Laughter

Ch.3: Laughter  
  
Candles burned low in their sockets – or were there candles? It seemed the bronze dishes held only fire and no oil, no wick, no wax. It was like the fire burned itself instead of a flammable liquid. I spent several minutes looking up and down one of these strange metal dishes and promptly got my hand burned by the heat of the dish. Mikagami clucked disapprovingly from where he was talking with another Madougu wielder. As far as I could tell, it was something about the Kougon Anki, one of the most famous Elemental Weapons made, ever, because it chose victims to kill. But as far as Mr. Ensui's conversation went, it was something about a curse on the user and that was it.  
  
As I watched him talking to his comrade, I realized that Mikagami had been very, very open with me. He didn't hold back his words or just nod when I talked with him. His eyes weren't as intense when he looked at me, they were softened, kindly – maybe that was only because I was a cute kid, but still, the fact that he had laughed, however softly, at a joke in my presence proved that he had a fondness for me that no one else had really penetrated. I wondered why he was so cold. Perhaps it was because he was the Ensui wielder; after all, as far as I could tell the sword was made of ice, which only matched its wielder's hardened face in public. Either way, I was glad he was open to me. I wasn't sure what I would do if he weren't here to show me around. Probably get lost, one of his top "do-not-do"s in the Academy.  
  
"Ouch!", I yelped as my hand burned against the bronze dish that held the flame. I didn't quite know how HE managed to take the light from the socket in the wall without getting burned, but I attributed it to something about water and coldness. He probably had practice holding really hot stuff and getting water to absorb the heat and such. As soon as I had shouted, Mikagami rounded on me and gave me a quick lecture about not yelling the halls. When I countered with "so what do I do, keep silent? That's impossible for me, if you've noticed!", he opened his mouth so say something, closed it with a clip and smiled indulgently. Turning back to his conversation, he and the other man conversed as if I were never there. I was just a bit annoyed at the lack of attention I was getting, but realized that everyone here was probably a lot better at their Madougus than I would ever be, so I promptly shut that thought away as useless.  
  
I took a sneaking glance at the other man. He seemed rather open and friendly, not too stern (I figured he was probably older than Mikagami, yet he didn't reprimand the younger man – maybe because Mr. Ensui was a higher status?) but not exactly lenient. He wore a strange-looking blue-and-black coat over his mail shirt, which was over his Academy shirt. I almost felt hot just looking at him; how could anyone stand that kind of clothing in this temperature? It wasn't exactly freezing COLD in the Academy, even though it was winter outside. I looked curiously at the dish of flame at my side and wondered if the flame could be what was giving off heat as well as light. Putting my hand close to the dancing red and orange, I tried to feel if there was anything more than the regular little heat that came off of a little flame like that. It seemed to be quite normal. Frowning, I put my hand closer, trying to feel the flame for more heat –  
  
"Ouch!", I yelped again, and Mikagami gave another sigh. But before he could get started on his berations for not listening to him, the nice- looking stranger had pushed past him. "Are you alright? This is the second time you've burned yourself, kid." He took my hand and examined it carefully. "I'd say put it in a bit of cold water for a little while." His lips curled into a friendly smile that I found myself instantly liking. This man wasn't an enemy. "My name is Raiha. What's yours?"  
  
"Kaoru Koganei at your service!" I shot him my best fanged grin. "I'll do something for you since you've been so nice", I offered, and Raiha's eyes sparkled with amusement. "A favor. Anything you ask."  
  
Smiling mischievously, he suggested something I knew I wouldn't be able to do. "Why don't you keep out of trouble for a day? I think Mikagami's had enough running around from room to room to alert studious people of your presence for one day." I smiled nervously, and crossed my fingers behind my back. Not, I shot back mentally, and grinned. Mikagami seemed unimpressed, but Raiha pulled my hand out and we gave the customary crossing-of-hands to seal our deal. The hand behind me crossed two fingers in the "Not" sign as I smiled up at him. But seeing Raiha's face in that almost-childishly mischievous face, I knew he would be a good friend. He was probably very good with children. The sword strapped to his back, I felt, didn't really suit him at all. He seemed gentle enough. However, I had also learned the lesson of roses and thorns, and I knew that if this man had a Madougu on his back, he must be good, as all of the students here in the Academy were. However, for the moment I could not see any danger in Raiha.  
  
Mikagami turned to Raiha, a smile tugging on the edges of his lips. "You think Kaoru can do it?"  
  
Raiha beamed. "Of course! That is, if he stops crossing his fingers behind his back." At my shocked look at being found out, he laughed and winked conspiratorily. "I was a kid once too, Kaoru. I know all the tricks of the trade to get out of a promise like this. Mikagami here may have forgotten what is to be a child, but I haven't forgotten. It's newbies like you that make me retain my young looks."  
  
Raiha's laugh, as I noticed, wasn't at all like Mikagami's. It was louder, more confident, and rang of good times. There was no trace of unhappiness or malice in it anywhere, which was a little surprising because of what the Academy stood for: resistance against the East. It was a content, simply happy sound that radiated off the walls like bells. Mikagami's laughter was soft, like the water he represented, swift and flowing, here and then gone. Raiha's was like a crack of thunder, here for a moment only to strike again nearby. My eyes shot to the sword hilt. I wondered if his weapon had something to do with thunder? As far as I could tell, Madougus reflect their owners, as their owners reflect the Elemental Weapon's element. Could it be that Raiha had some connection with storms? His dark clothing seemed to show such.  
  
After waving Raiha goodbye, Mikagami took me to his room, explaining along the way that there were no empty rooms open at the moment, so I would just have to bunk with him one room for a night. I watched in wonder as he took out his Ensui and placed it in a slot near the door, almost like a key. The door clicked open, and he took the sword out of the slot. Inside, it was cozily warm. The room itself wasn't large – it couldn't BE large, since the Academy hosted several hundred students at once. There was no way even an Elemental Master could have some large fancy hotel suite. It was modestly furnished as well, reflecting Mikagami's simple but elegant style: the wooden chairs and desks didn't have decoration, but they were made of fine materials; the couch looked a bit plain, but when you leaned up close and ran your hand across it, you'd realize it was velvet; the closet was filled with the only a few sets of the same uniform, and then started into ceremonial clothes for the Academy, and then into plainclothes that regular peasants wore. These, too, reflected Mikagami's element – most of them were blues of all hues, almost black like the Academy uniform. Several of them were a gray that matched his hair. And as I walked past a wall, a bronze disk on the wall suddenly burst to life with crackling flame, scaring me half out of my wit. As I entered further, I realized Mikagami had a HUGE amount of clothes. I smiled to myself. And here I was, thinking he was a frugal, stingy guy who didn't spend more money than he had to.  
  
And when I emerged, I realized with a bit of surprise that there was someone by the fire, picking up logs one by one and throwing them into the fire. As if she felt my gaze, she turned to look at me, smiling softly. Involuntarily I felt myself blush, almost humbled under her gaze. She wasn't glorious, like Mikagami was, nor was she hiding any abilities, like Raiha seemed to be. But she seemed full of purpose, full of conviction and the will to help anyone who needed it. And by that, I felt very humble, a little street kid with absolutely no aim in life except to live to the next day. Guilt surged up at my face like a fiery sheen of sweat at my humiliated admittance to myself that partly the only reason I had come here with Mikagami was to get a free meal and be somewhere where there was no other kid trying to kill me. My gaze dropped the floor.  
  
A kind hand, rough from work but sensitive as any rich lady's cupped my chin back up. "Ohayo", the girl said softly, and I felt embarrassed by my untidy hair and my dirty clothes, my fake pearls that I wished were real so I could seem of SOME worth to her. "You must be the aura I felt earlier this week." She closed her eyes and concentrated for a moment, then opened them to reveal a brilliant smile. "Mikagami found you, I see." At my puzzled look, she gave a soft laugh and took my hands in hers, almost as if trying to smooth the skin off of my hands. "I had been feeling this aura in the city for a little while now, strong but not strong enough. So, last week I sent Mikagami out to find who it was, just because I was partly curious that I would be able to feel someone so far away, on the other side of the city and can't feel anyone but Recca here. But, it must have been when you were extremely angry or extremely happy for me to feel something like that." She smoothed my hair in a sisterly way that I liked. "I feel you are a very passionate person, like Recca. I feel we will be good friends, Kaoru Koganei." And then she bid goodbye to me and Mikagami, and went out of the door, promising to see me the next day.  
  
Before I could adequately catch myself, I had already to hear the girl's carefree laughter in my mind. Again, it didn't sound all that different from Mikagami's, except for the sadness factor; she seemed so content, like the spirit of Raiha's laughter in a softer, cooler tone of liquid gold. Her laugh seemed to have cast a veil over my eyes, only showing me sunlight and Elysian Fields. I knew that she was the one who brought everyone together, the one that secured them in their places so that they would know what they were fighting for. I felt that she was on the battlefield more than anyone else, and had seen more than her share of sorrow and pain and suffering. This girl was no fighter, I felt. She was a healer.  
  
"Hey, Mikagami, who was that?", I asked curiously. I didn't want to be calling her "the girl" for the rest of the time I knew her, after all. When Mikagami didn't answer, I turned to him, a bit troubled. His face was still turned towards the door, his posture clearly still seeing the girl walk out of the door, her head tilted back and sunlight in her voice, promising to be back tomorrow. My mind whirled with realizations. Was Mikagami in love with her? "Mikagami?", I asked cautiously.  
  
That seemed to clear the mist from his eyes. "Her name is Yanagi. Yanagi Sakoshita." With that said, he pointed at the food on the table. "Eat", he commanded in an absent tone, and I found a seat and stared at the food for a moment. It didn't look half as appetizing as it should have been. I looked back up at Mikagami and realized that he was still looking at the door almost worriedly. I opened my mouth to ask him what was wrong, but then shut it. I had seen Mikagami's silent, cold side. I didn't want to receive that when he was so open to me now. I shut my mouth and piled some stuff on my plate and began to eat it, my eyes watching him the whole time.  
  
He seemed to reach a conclusion. "After you eat there's a spare toothbrush in the cabinet near the sink. Remember to brush your teeth. There's a spare pair of pajamas that I think will fit you over the chair near the door. Sleep on the bed for tonight. Leave your plate and fork on the table; I'll get it tomorrow morning." As he spoke, my mouth stopped chewing and looked at the places he pointed out. Giving a gaze that told me to stay put, he swept out of the door with a parting and said he would be back before tomorrow morning.  
  
The door shut. Slowly, I slid out of the seat and crept towards the door. My hands trembled as they touched the knob. It was freezing. I opened it and peeked outside into the hall. Mikagami was already gone. I closed it again with a dejected sigh. I wanted to ask him what was wrong. I shoveled the rest of the food into my mouth until it was all gone. It turned to ashes at the thought that Mikagami might be thinking something through that I couldn't help him with. My eyes fell on the empty plate in front of me. He had been so nice to me so far, bringing me to this place where only the special people could ever enter, and then letting me eat a free meal and sleep in a warm bed. On a sudden surge of guilt, I picked up my plate and fork and washed it carefully with a tattered rag, then covered the remaining dishes with cellophane that I had found in one of the drawers near the sink. Dutifully I brushed my teeth (something I had seldom done before) and turned to the chair near the door that was supposed to have pajamas on it. It was empty.  
  
Frowning, I looked down at my current clothes. The bottom hem of my shorts was torn, the right sleeve of my shirt had a cut in it. Both the front and back of my vest were practically threadbare. At least I had some sense to stay indoors during the winter, pretending to be one of the drunk people on the stairway. That way, the manager couldn't say I couldn't stay because I was already out cold. Padding around in closet, I found what I determined to be the said pair of extra pajamas (they were a lot smaller than Mikagami was and fit me fine) and put them on. I tried to blow out the fires-on-dishes in the wall sockets. They didn't go out. A bit frustrated, I tried to sleep with them on. It didn't work; the room was just too bright. I got back out of bed, slipped my penknife in the pocket of the pants, and crept outside.  
  
I wasn't going to go anywhere, I promised myself and Mikagami. I recalled very clearly his telling me not to get lost and not to wander after hours in the halls. I'm just going to find someone to turn off the lights on the walls, Mikagami. When my eyes adjusted to the darkness, I kept the direction I come from to my right and kept on turning right. But however carefully I tried to keep track of my location, very soon I was lost. It occurred to me that the Academy HAD to be large, and that it probably was very prone to people who got lost easily.  
  
All the doors and the silent halls shocked me. The fires burned low in their sockets. There were no clocks in the halls, so when the fires went out completely, I judged it was probably past midnight. Wandering aimlessly around, I finally spotted a tiny sliver of light coming from a room. Seeing it, I broke into a run, regardless of my bare feet slapping against the tile, and threw open the door, not caring who it was, as long as they could take me back to my room.  
  
A rather young woman greeted my sight. At my intrusion she lifted her head and stared at me, and I took a step back, embarrassed by my arrival. She seemed benign, like a queen, and also like Yanagi, full of purpose. In her hands was a ball with a claw on it. As soon as I looked at it, the swirling colors in it vanished, and she sandwiched it between her palms, almost as if she didn't want me to see it. However, I could tell she would mean me no harm, and so I quietly closed the door behind me and walked up to her bedside.  
  
"Kaoru Koganei, I presume?" I tensed for a moment, then relaxed as her mouth turned upwards into a smile. I nodded, and she patted to the blankets beside her. "Come here." I did as I was told, and looked up at her expectantly. "Now, why are you wandering the halls so late at night?"  
  
Before I could stop myself, I blurted, "The same reason you're still awake!" I covered my mouth after my words and turned red with embarrassment. I hadn't mean to say that! I closed my eyes and awaited the slap of disapproval.  
  
Instead, she laughed. A rich laughter that rolled off of her tongue like sugar, full of sweetness and sugar. Almost like Raiha's but not quite. Hers was more feminine, and less used than Raiha's laugh. It spoke of pain, then of overcoming pain, and finally happiness and the road back home. It made me smile. "Well, you sound like my son Recca", she said softly. "I am Kage Houshi, also known as the Kagero in the Academy. I use my Eikai ball here", she briefly uncovered the crystal ball in her hands, "to see the past, present, and future."  
  
I looked at her, and asked, "Who's Recca?"  
  
"My son. You haven't seen him?" When I shook my head, she seemed to understand. "Then it must have been Mikagami that brought you here. Well, then, let me show you." She concentrated for a moment, and took her hand off of the Eikai ball. Suddenly there was color, and then the form of a young man with a scar on one cheek, looking fearless, and holding fire in his hand. Then the vision vanished, and I was staring at her hand through the crystal ball again.  
  
"He is the leader of the Hokage, the fighting group that goes off to the East to defend us against The Terror, once in a while. He is usually abroad." At this, her face became a bit mournful. "I am sorry I cannot see him more."  
  
"Why?"  
  
She smiled as she answered, sadly. "I am going to die soon, Kaoru. You see, I am a representative from the past. In order to save myself and my son, Recca, we have traveled through time to this timeline, now. However, the spell caster cannot live more than a few years once they have performed the rite because age catches up with them. When I die, I will look as if I was twenty when I died. This is partly true, because I disappeared from the Hokage of Old when I was twenty, so in that timeline, I was absent. That means that now, my body's balance is upset and I must die within a few years."  
  
I was overridden with shock. "What about your son Recca? Won't he die with you?"  
  
She shook her head. "The age only affects the spell caster, not the spelled. I'm afraid when I die, my son won't be here. I would regret not seeing him before I died, but that cannot be helped. And as much as I want him to be here, by me, all the time I have left, it is a selfish wish and I know that other people need his help more than I need it. There is no cure for this, after all." She smiled dolosoro at me.  
  
I tried to think of something to say, something that wasn't "I'm sorry" or "How do you turn off those stupid flame-light thingys?". Something cheerful. "I want to come here and study", I decided to tell her, and she looked a little surprised.  
  
"Aren't you a bit young?"  
  
"I am NOT a kid! I'm thirteen and I've lived on the streets until now! Mikagami said that my mentally is much more mature than a lot of other kids'." She smiled a little. "Say, are there any Elemental Weapons that aren't being used right now?"  
  
She looked thoughtful for a moment. "Just one", she answered. "The Kougan Anki. It is the 'weapon of gold', having five forms to shapeshift into. However, it takes a long time for a person to change its forms because it more like a puzzle than anything else." I grinned at that statement. A puzzle! That was my kind of Madougu! "There is a rumor of a sixth form that was used a long time ago, but any information about that has been lost after the last master of the Kougan Anki died. Since that time, the Kougan Anki has refused all of the people that have tried to master it. You see, the Kougan Anki only chooses its next user if he is stronger than the last user. That makes it very hard for it to choose anyone. One day, it will become a useless weapon of the past, and we will only be able to use one form of it because it does not have a master to change its forms. Unless…"  
  
"Unless what, Houshi?"  
  
"Each Madougu has a sort of curse, or backfiring on it. A long time ago, the Tekkou on my son Recca's arm had a curse as well, but his distant ancestor overcame the curse, so now it will take any master that is strong willed and wants to own the Tekkou. But the Tekkou is the only main Elemental Weapon whose curse has been defeated. Many smaller, lesser Madougus do not have their curses anymore. We are not sure why the Elemental Items have curses on them – some have speculated that perhaps their makers wanted their masters to be hardworking and have felt suffering instead of being selfish and proud."  
  
"What do you mean by curses?", I asked. I had more interest in that than in some stuffy old guy.  
  
"The Fujin, or Wind Madougu, has a tendency to throw its user out of control. Once a user starts to use it on the battlefield, it often claims its user in its winds or makes the user dormant inside of their own mind, like a coma, and goes on a killing rampage. Though usually in these circumstances, the owner of the Fujin can take it off before it does any real damage, like hurt their own troops. The Fujin is the most violent, you see. It demands a large sacrifice of blood, and it hops from user to user like a hot potato because no one wants to experience that kind of bloodbath from their own hands. The current Fujin master, Fuuko, has been the longest running user of the Fujin since their own makers, a long time ago."  
  
I thought for a moment. "Can we go see it?"  
  
She smiled. "Yes. We'll also go to see the Kougan Anki, if you like." Taking my hand, she led me like a little child out of the room. I didn't really mind being the little child to her. She must be lonely, and if Yanagi was right, I was exactly like Recca personality-wise, which might wxplain her openness to me.  
  
* * *  
  
The Hall of Elemental Weapons was dark, steeped in Stygian gloom. In this place, the bronze disks were still lit. There were no cases around the Madougus, but they all had stands, propping them up as if they would be grabbed and used any moment. One by one, Houshi walked me through each and every one. I surprised her by asking her what would happen if the Fujin and the paper Shiki Gami were put together. She admitted she did not know, and that she would mention it to Fuuko and Saicho, the paper Shiki Gami master, later. A few Madougu were missing, out with Recca abroad fighting: the Baque, also called Saturn's Ring; the Nan, or "soft"; and the hair Shiki Gami. I looked at all of them with amazement and a sort of wonder. Every single one of these little objects, these TOYS, could blow the roof. I wondered what it would be like even controlling one of the lesser Madougu; it must be a great task. But, as Houshi explained, several Elemental Weapons had several users skilled in it, just the lesser ones because the more powerful ones were usually very picky about only having one person as their master. The people who shared a Madougu were usually amateurs like me, learning control and concentration over an Item, nothing really big. I could do that too, I decided.  
  
And in a circle in the middle, stands propped up the main weapons. Recca's Tekkou was gone (but Houshi showed it to me in the Eikai ball; she was allowed to keep it to watch her son before she died), but the Fujin was there. Puzzled, I pointed at the empty hole in the middle. "Houshi, why is it empty here? Isn't there supposed to be a jewel here, Wind?"  
  
"There is, but Fuuko decided to take it out because with it, she would go crazy. She uses it separately, and has got leave to keep it in her room to practice with it until the jewel itself is under her grasp. The Fujin's power has not even begun to be tapped into, so she is trying to find all potential uses of it. I have seen her, instead, use Kaze no Tsume, Shards of Wind, as her weapon instead, combining it with the Madougu over there." She pointed, and I looked. "For now, she trains with her just the jewel to discover what properties it lies. There is not really much need for her to go onto the field yet, even though she is a veteran and should be hauled out, but many people want to see what happens to her when she combines the jewel and the Fujin bracelet once again."  
  
At the end of the circle, there was an odd looking contraption. Golden, it had large red beads near the handle. Not waiting for Houshi's warning, I picked it up. A sort of warmth shivered up my arm. I waited for a moment, and Houshi's eyes stared wide at me, as if she expected my head to come off or spring several heads instead of just one. Finally, after several tense minutes of waiting, I looked down at it. In a quick moment, almost as if my hands were doing the puzzle itself and didn't have to think, the Kougan Anki was in another form. I smiled. This was fun. Settling down, I went through the other three forms before I was satisfied. I turned to Houshi. "Was it supposed to do something to me?"  
  
Houshi looked rather faint. "Usually the Kougan Anki acts on its own and cuts off the hands of whoever tries to master it. However, I believe that it either likes you or has already chosen you to be its next master."  
  
I looked up at her. "That means I can stay in the University, right?"  
  
She smiled, her cheeks still a little pale. "I would have thought you would stay in the University no matter if you were or weren't the Kougan Anki master. You have marvelous potential, Kaoru. I don't think anyone would expect anything less than the new master of the Kougan Anki out of someone like you." She held out her hand, I put the Kougan Anki (mournfully) back on the rack, and we walked out of the room. 


	4. Imagination

Starting from now on, this is from Raiha's point of view. Later, it shifts to Kaoru after the little stars.  
  
Ch.4: Imagination  
  
I had just finished morning practice when I saw the Kagero emerge from her room, a smile playing with her lips. A little puzzled at this sudden change of atmosphere (usually she was somber and always hoping her son would come back soon to see her), I started in step beside her and asked nonchalantly, "You see quite chipper today, Mother."  
  
She had been placed with that nickname because she acted like a mother to everyone, not just to Recca. When there was someone hurt, she was always there with Yanagi to help. She ACTED like she was everyone's overprotective parent; she scurried around all day, hoping the sick got meals and that her children didn't overwork themselves and weren't lying somewhere half-dazed from practicing with their Madougus for too long. She knew everyone in the Academy, all six hundred and forty-six of them by sight. If anyone had any personal troubles, they came to her. She was smart not as in terms of brilliance (like Mikagami, per say), nor was she overly active, courageous or patriotic (meaning she was willing to sacrifice her life in an instant for something) – her knowledge came from parenting, and though she was current Elemental Weapons Specialist (that was a title), she usually never touched any of the Madougus at all except for her Eikai ball, which she carried around with her everywhere. She dressed plainly in black and white, the only jewelry she possessed being a pair of large blue earrings, which no one ever saw her wear. She was a person you didn't talk to for fighting tips, though she could hold her own in that kind of conversation quite well; she wasn't a person to ask for help on a language class or a writing class, because that wasn't her specialty; but when you talked with her about daily life, about how someone accidentally knocked over a bottle of acid in the science room and burned a hole in the ground, she would laugh with you and say that was funny. 'Mother' wasn't really the word for her – more like 'the very understanding friend'. It was painful to think she would die soon.  
  
"Have you heard of Mikagami's new friend?", she mused, and I thought for a moment. "Kaoru Koganei", she clarified, and I nodded dumbly. As she opened the doors to the cafeteria and got several dinner rolls with butter, five slabs of bacon, two sausages and more than one helping of eggs (how she managed to fit that all in one little plate I wouldn't know; must be the genius in her), she told me that Kaoru had somehow snuck from Mikagami's room to her room, not quite knowing who she was. She described their little midnight rendezvous in the Hall, especially about Kaoru's fascination with the Kougan Anki. She and Kaoru had come back to her room around two or three in the morning, and the little kid had fallen asleep in the middle of conversation. As she pushed open the door to her room, I peeked inside. Kaoru was still propped in the chair, two pillows under his head to soften the arm of the loveseat. The Kagero had somehow found one of her old black cloaks, because there was one draped on top of him, tucked in neatly. As soon as she entered, his nose twitched once, twice, and his eyes blinked open. Immediately they riveted to the plate of food in her hands and he leapt up, crying, "Food! FOOD!"  
  
We both laughed as he gobbled it down in less than a minute. After he was done, he looked around quickly and said, "Where's Mikagami?"  
  
Kage Houshi and I looked at each other and answered stimulously, "In his room, I guess." Now the little kid was looking distinctly uncomfortable. "What's wrong?"  
  
He fumbled around for a moment for words. "Well…do you think Mikagami's going to be mad that I came here instead of staying put in his room?" I whistled. Mikagami usually didn't like that at all. Kaoru seemed to have the weight of the world on his shoulders now. "I hope he won't get too mad…"  
  
"Well, why did you come out in the first place, Kaoru?", Kage Houshi asked. At this, Kaoru's head looked down at floor and I could see his ears turn bright red from embarrassment. He mumbled something and waited for a response. The Kagero and I looked at each other. "Please say that again, Kaoru."  
  
"I…I couldn't turn off the lights", he admitted lamely. The Kagero and I burst into laughter. THAT was why? No wonder! It made sense, after all. The lights around campus were all programmed by the owner of either the classrooms or the dormitory room to shut off at a certain time. For example, if a teacher wanted his classroom lights to go off at a certain time, he could program it either to go off at a certain time or program it to go off when he locked the classroom. The dormitory rooms usually had their lights on the whole day and didn't have them go off until the owner did something specific, like clap their hands three times or when they locked their room for the night, if they locked it at all. Some even said some complicated word – but that usually didn't work unless it was something that someone would never say, or a term in another language. I had no idea what Mikagami's "turn-off-the-light" motion was, but I had to admit that it was a valid reason for coming out here looking for someone.  
  
When we had finished laughing, we all trooped down back down to Mikagami's dorm room. Here, I commented to the kid, "I'm not sure how you managed to get all the way up near the hospital wing, but that's across the campus. You must have gotten your exercise last night." Kaoru just smiled a bit nervously. But when we entered the room and looked around, we realized Mikagami was not there. Using her Eikai ball, the Kagero called to Mikagami's next-door-neighbor, a boy called Saicho, and asked if he had seen Mikagami walk past. The boy answered no. One by one, Kage Houshi called the head of the practice field, the classroom janitor, the cafeteria cook, the stableman to see if Mikagami had ridden out that morning. Everyone reported that Mikagami had not been there.  
  
Mikagami was missing. The Ensui master was missing.  
  
On a desperate resort, Kage Houshi summoned everyone to the Hall. There, she walked amongst them, asking if they had seen Mikagami anywhere. Everyone answered negative. It was as if the Hyomon Ken master had vanished like the mist he was prone to using to cover battlefields with.  
  
No matter how she tried, the Kagero could not summon a vision of Mikagami or the location he was at with her Eikai ball. A search party was called. Kaoru looked as if he were on the edge of a breakdown. For the first time, I realized that the kid truly cared for Mikagami. Around him yesterday, I realized that the Ensui master had a certain fondness for little Golden Boy, a gentleness I had not seen in him before. And now, as Mikagami was missing, I realized that there was much more than the icy exterior. It was as if he wanted everyone to delude themselves, thinking he was just a icy, frozen statue, beautiful but cold. He wanted them to believe, not matter how foolish, that he was just a part of the scenery when he wasn't acting on something. And I had fallen for it. How I managed to think he was a man without a heart I couldn't understand, but now it seemed so unreasonable. I felt like hitting myself several times. How could I have missed that?  
  
Alas, Mikagami, if only you were here, I told Mikagami, wherever he was now. Kaoru's just sitting there, disbelieving. There were rumors circulating around. Several I rejected as impossible, and told the tellers as such – they believed that Mikagami may have been kidnapped by the Terror of the East. This was entirely impossible, because even when he was sleeping, Mikagami retained at least a sense of consciousness, being able to think and to push away nightmares and dream an empty void instead of a dream. Plus, Mikagami had very good reflexes: once, when he and I were younger, we were ambushed on the field by several of the Terror-sent zombie- like creatures. Even though we were thoroughly surprised, Mikagami did not waste any time in wondering how they managed to find our camp and killed as many as came near. At least half the population of the East was cut down that day. An angry Mikagami was a dangerous one, especially when we lost several of our people as well.  
  
I looked down at the little kid with sympathy. Perhaps I shouldn't call him a kid. After all, he was thirteen, and Mikagami was only seventeen or so, even though he looked and acted past twenty. A little uncomfortably but as lovingly as possible, I put a hand on his shoulder and said softly, "Kaoru, it's time to go. You can't stay here after hours alone, you know, and I don't want to ask Houshi to come here and babysit you all day. Kaoru, let's go." I tugged on his arm gently, but he didn't seem to hear me. This went on for several minutes. I almost threw up my hands in despair when he spoke.  
  
"I…I wanted to show him…what I could do with the Kougan Anki…"  
  
I whirled to face him. "You touched the Kougan Anki?", I half- whispered, half-shouted. I dreaded the answer: the Kougan Anki had a very strong curse on it. It almost wasn't worth mastering – the losses that came with using it were large, and it took about six minutes for that weapon to transform, meaning it could only be used haltingly. This provided no help in battle. And since the last Kougan Anki master had passed away almost fifty years before, no one really thought about mastering it because of the consequences if you were a weak master. Many, many times people had lost either their lives or their greedy hands for trying to master it. The Kagero was generally the only one who could touch it and live; it seemed to have a respect for her, and she had no interest in mastering it, so it generally ignored being moved around if the person carrying it didn't have any interest in it. But to think that Kaoru might be the next master…it was incredible. His pure genius, his brilliance – all would be utilized if he was the master of this weapon. But I hadn't expected such a young master of an Elemental as important as the Kougan Anki.  
  
But, I guess, as in Kaoru's case, youth wasn't really a factor in deciding a master. Kaoru was wise and mature beyond his years. He was a suitable master, if any. And while looking at it, he had had a very great interest in the bronze dishes that held the fires yesterday. Already, he seemed like the curious but dashing sort of figure cut out for a weapon like this. I almost stopped him as he reached up and plucked the Kougan Anki from its stand. In a flash, he had it transformed into the second form, then the third, fourth, and fifth. All this was somewhere less than three seconds. I shook my head in disbelief. Forget however many minutes it took to transform the Kougan Anki before; Kaoru was the genius now.  
  
I swallowed hard as he looked at me. He was so young, but he already showed an older head on very young shoulders. It occurred to me that he KNEW, he knew very well what it was to carry the Kougan Anki, the responsibility that weighed down on an Elemental Weapon user's back. It was the duty that a master paid to both his Weapon and to future users, to take care of it and not abuse it. And as I watched him run his finger down the handle of the weapon, I felt that he was somehow older, wiser than I would ever be. So much potential, such an easy malleable personality, used to adapting to anything – like his weapon, used to adapt to all seasons and all kinds of terrain and battlefields…Kaoru truly was the next master, as much as a person could argue against it. The Kougan Anki and Kaoru, they did not go against the current of the river, they stayed with it and let it lead them to the sea. They had patience, perseverance, the want and will to survive. It was truly amazing, now, to see such an able master and such a suitable weapon fall into the right hands.  
  
I was a bit shaken, I had to admit. I took Kaoru's hand and pulled him up, and when I released it I found my hand was trembling. This, this was the master of the Kougan Anki. I felt sincerely humbled. "Let's go look for Mikagami", I said softly, and we walked out of the hall. And as I watched him walking beside me, I dared to reach out and place my hand over his, binding it to the gold of the weapon. It was warm to the touch. The Kougan Anki had found a master.  
  
* And the finding *  
  
As soon as I had bid Raiha goodbye, I had started running towards the door I had seen earlier. It drew me like…something was beyond it, calling me. I felt that whatever was beyond I was familiar with. And for some reason, Mikagami came to mind. I hadn't been able to explore what was past that door because Kage Houshi had called everyone to the Hall to ask if anyone had seen Mikagami. Of course everyone said 'no', I thought lamely. Mikagami doesn't like to get caught sneaking around after hours. He IS, or tries to be, the very protocol of proper Academy citizenship, after all. I panted as I reached the door, and checked to make sure no one was watching. All of the students had been confined to rooms today unless they were volunteering in the hospital wing or in the training center, and they had to sign a special leave form for that and go through a lot of red tape. But, the result was that you pretty much got free rein over the entire castle.  
  
As I grasped the doorknob, it felt warm. Like the Kougan Anki, but different. The Kougan Anki…it felt familiar, somehow, like the echo of something that happened so long ago, not anything I would remember, but something…possibly in my last life? Perhaps I was a Kougan Anki master back then as well. But I dismissed the thought as a simple fairytale and pushed the door open. I did not read the sign over the door. The door shut behind me, and my eyes opened wide as they drank in the sights before me.  
  
It was a garden. Filled to the brim with every kind of plant describable, plants hung from the ceiling, climbed up the walls, brushed their thorns against the moist floor. Under my shoes, there wasn't any sign of marble or wooden vinyl that had been mostly prominent through the rest of the Academy; it was all dirt, hard packed ground that told me that this was no ordinary garden. It was an old, old one, by the sights of the ruined, crumbling walls that once marked another building. I made my way through a rather large clump of ferns to reach one of these old walls. It had ivy over it, glossy green over the yellowed bricks. And as I looked at the once-proud top, it had been blackened by something, like soot. I wondered if it had been a fire that destroyed this part of the building.  
  
Overhead, soft rain pattered down over my head and shoulders in a sudden break of weather. It filled the air with the smell of moist earth, the patter of life-giving liquid on greenery, and the sparkling of new dew slipping off branches. It soaked through my clothes, through my hair, growing steadily stronger as I pushed deeper into the garden. After a moment of indecision between finding Mikagami in this place and catching a cold, or finding somewhere to sit the rest of the storm out, I decided on the latter and made my way towards a rather rickety pagoda that stood precariously on the edge of a swift-moving stream. It wasn't too far. As I neared it, I saw that one side of the roof had entirely collapsed and was now letting rain soak the old wood bench underneath. But there was enough shelter for me to not get any more wet than I already was. But as I climbed the steps up to the platform, something made me freeze.  
  
Mikagami was there. On the bench, getting thoroughly soaked. Over his shoulders, ferns draped their feathery caresses onto his form like angel blessings. The sky over head made the rain coming over him sprinkle like liquid pearls that danced like a million fairy lights that softened his usually cold features into a childlike expression. His hand had slipped over the side of the wooden bench and dipped into a pool of water, almost as if he were preparing to see his reflection on the pool. In his other hand, the Ensui was clutched loosely. More and more, he seemed not Mikagami to me, but someone foreign; in the space of those scarce minutes several imaginations of him came to pass: I saw him as a child, younger than I was, in his hand not a sword but a handmade toy of sentimentality; I saw him as a hardened warrior of hard times, in his hand strength and in his mind past failures that haunted him; I saw him as a prince or king, his seat a bed of mahogany, the light upon him casting almost a romantic air. I squeezed my eyes shut but the image of his face, serene, benign like a god, burned in my mind like the first touch of Kougan Anki. I felt I was humbled beneath him, and I did not realize I had fallen to my knees until I realized I was seeing his broken reflection in the pool his hand was dipping into. When I looked up again, his face seemed so full of mercy, so just…from my mouth there came inconsistent babbling about how I snuck into the Hall and that he might forgive me. The sight of him made me bow my head. It seemed so gloriously sad, so miraculously sorrowful.  
  
It must have been the rain. It must have been that accursed rain that sent water flowing like silver light over him that had made me do this. Afterwards, I knew not why I did it. I knew it was something horrible, something that this king in front of me might forgive if he woke up…but for the moment I thought nothing of the consequences. Strange, my actions seemed even at the moment, so fast I could not see through the haze, the cloud that hovered in front of my eyes like bloodlust…  
  
And a heartbeat passed. I heard it clearly in my head, and the blood rushed to my head like a sugar high. Like the sweetest fruit and the heavenly morning the sun seemed to break of me all that instant. I placed my hand on top of his, binding his hand to his weapon. Oh, he seemed so troubled then, the warrior that forgot the child inside. Let me bring that to you. Let me be your child.  
  
And I kissed him. Long, it seemed, so many million heartbeats. The cool of rain seemed so perfect a setting, the glass that slivered down his cheeks and mine like tears. It seemed so far away, as if I was only seeing, hearing, doing an echo of what had been a long, long time ago. Warmth shivered up from the contact, and I felt the heat rush to my face. I held my breath. It was eternity, it was living a million times in heaven, forever and ever. It was the child, who saw only the moment then, and did not know about dying, did not know about suffering or pain or sorrow, just happiness, golden and pure from the heavens.  
  
I broke away. How everything came crashing back in! The blush on my face wasn't from the warmth I took from him now, but rather from embarrassment. Ashamedly I lifted my hand from on top of his and brought it down into the puddle on the ground. Without really knowing why, I bowed low to him, almost as if that could compensate for what I had taken from me. I had kissed him! Just the thought of it made me blush and mumble something unintelligible. And as if the whatever god up there wanted to mock me further, Mikagami opened his eyes and looked at me.  
  
"Kaoru?", he said softly, and I felt myself fall in love with that voice. It rose to my ears like a heavenly choir, and I found I couldn't say anything. The worst had happened, I felt. Was I falling in love? I couldn't be sure. I was too young, I didn't understand this kind of thing! I may have been more mature in Mikagami's eyes, but in this field, I was as young as a newborn. I'm sure he wondered about the tint of red in my cheeks as I looked at him, but paid it no mind. He slipped the Ensui back into his pocket, and slowly brought my temple to his shoulder. A brotherly embrace. I felt honored and guilty all at the same time.  
  
When I laid my head against his chest, I could hear the soft beating of his heart. The heart – that was the cause of all my problems, wasn't it? These goddamn FEELINGS, this sensation of being loved, all so foreign and strange to me. But, at the same time, the heart was what kept Mikagami going, kept his form high and alert, his chin proud and his stance perfect. It was what kept Mikagami alive. I clutched him tighter, as if to ask assistance in these matters of the heart. His reply was to hold me closer, and I felt touched as his arms carried me back through the garden, through the doors, and back to the warmth of the Academy. 


	5. Pictures

Same format as last chapter. First it's Mikagami's POV, then after the three stars, it's Kaoru's POV.  
  
Ch.5: Pictures  
  
"Mikagami?", Kaoru rolled over on the bed and asked quietly. I looked up from buttoning my complicated public uniform, and gave him a glance to show I was listening. "Who's Kurei?" I stopped. My fingers seemed to freeze on their own accord as they arranged a golden cross on a string around my neck. Absently I remembered it had been a gift from Yanagi last Christmas. Taking a deep breath to quell the sudden deluge of butterflies in my stomach, I turned to face him, silently urging to him to go on. He continued, "Raiha's always saying "Kurei this" and "Kurei that". I heard something about 'flame' from Kukai's daughter Misora, but I couldn't really hear much. So, who is he?"  
  
Immediately I felt relieved. So Kurei had not said what I had dreaded. That was good. "Kurei is Recca's descendant, or something like that. You see, the Hokage used to be a clan that lived a long time ago. All of the Hokage's leaders have been able to summon something called a 'flame'; if Recca is ever around, I'll ask him to show you sometime, Kaoru. However, as the generations passed, the Hokage royal line, or so to speak, became less and less pure because over time, they married out into other commoners, so to speak. So, even though all of Hokage's descendants HAVE the flame, none of them can compete with Recca's flame because his was from so far back. Therefore, Kurei doesn't really like Recca for that reason – their flames cannot even come close to each other. Recca is the strongest in our entire Academy. Kurei has practiced considerably with his flame, but his level is still nowhere near Recca's, nor is potential anywhere near his half-brother's. Both are true flame-users – however, Recca is from a much purer line than Kurei is from." I gestured for him to come with me down to the cafeteria for dinner. He got up, straightened his uniform, and followed me out the door.  
  
"Then, where's Kurei's mom? If her son's here, than she visits, right, or she helps out around the Academy?", Kaoru's voice rose to a fever pitch that made my ears slightly ring. He could be singularly loud at times. But after that first day where he shouted all over the castle about how big and how great the Academy was, I had given up on trying to make him stop shouting. I sighed. I never knew taking care of a kid was so much trouble and so TIRING. Kaoru just never seemed to run out of energy, even when I was spent and ready to drop.  
  
"She died several years ago. I recall that this was the only person that I ever saw Kurei cry for. If you look closely, though, he still cares for the people around him. He is not heartless; in fact, he is much like me. However, he is the leader of the Uruha, so he does take considerably more chances than I ever would. And when it comes down to it, he does not truly hate his 'brother', so to speak. He respects Recca for his abilities, and when they actually are able to work together, they can do anything, or so I've been told."  
  
"Then, what's the Uruha?"  
  
"When Recca was transported here as a child in the care of Kage Houshi, who became Kagero, the Academy seemed to split into two factions. Neither of these factions outwardly oppose each other on the battlefield; in fact, some of the members make very good quartets or trios to work in, and they put their home differences aside for the moment because they are obsolete on the battlefield. However, back home, there is a rather fierce rivalry between these two gangs, so to speak. Recca is the head of the Hokage, which hosts many of the 'good' trainers and teachers and Elemental Specialists of a specific field. The Uruha, however, is much larger and makes up for its weaker Elemental Weapon masters with sheer numbers. Both have good fighters." When Kaoru gave me a questioning look, I gave him a grim smile. "I've managed to stay neutral so far. Recca and some of the Hokage's members work very closely with me on the battlefield, but Raiha, Tsukishiro and Gashakura are some of the few people that I train with, which makes a rather respectful type of relationship. There's not really a reason for someone to challenge me, after all; I don't believe I've done anything in favor of one side to the other so far. All in all, I don't believe there's much difference between the Hokage and the Uruha; both are trouble in the Academy. However, they know better than to fight in the halls – they take it to the training center or outside, in the suburbs, and fight there so that no one will be hurt in the process except for each other."  
  
"A duel, sort of?", Kaoru asked.  
  
"Somewhat. There have been several serious double and triple bouts this year. Of course, this is not just a venting out of stress or a defending for a friend in the same faction; it is also seen as a chance to get better." I pushed open the door to the cafeteria and mentally installed my 'cold' mask in place. Chatter filled the air, and the finely beaten bronze in the wall sockets splashed red and orange over the walls. Overhead there hung several floating candles. One was vainly trying to drip hot wax on top of Kashamaru's head while he tried to run under a table. I snorted and looked away. It was probably Magensha causing trouble again. I didn't quite worry, though. Both Magensha and Kashamaru were in the Uruha, which meant that their pranks against each other weren't really serious. I ushered Kaoru towards Raiha's direction and got dinner.  
  
It seemed to familiar to me now, how the system of the Academy worked. I looked down at my plate and pushed it away for a moment. In actuality, most of what I had told Kaoru was a lie. True, there were two split factions in the Academy, the Hokage and the Uruha. However, if I was asked to side with either, I would side with the Hokage because I had more connections there. Raiha, Tsukishiro and Gashakura all understood that, and continued practice sparring sessions with me – however, the rest of the Uruha did not. It was not true that I had not done anything against the Uruha; the first time I came into the Academy, several people had pounced on me, demanding that I be part of the Uruha. I refused, and proceeded to defeat all of them. However, that was the only blemish on my record; after that, I learned not to fight in the halls, to control my temper and not let my anger show. This, of course, only served to anger my opponents even as I kept a level head. It wasn't fair, I guess, that I would come into the Academy with a lifetime swordmanship under my belt and immediately be accepted as the next master of the Ensui. I was challenged to duels often; however, I usually had no time. After a little while, they tapered off, especially when scouts had spotted an extremely large wave of the half-dead warriors the Terror sent. I was one of the top strategists of the school, after all. Raiha was the top. Sometimes we were able to hold a conversation about terrain and positioning of troops while in the middle of practice. He proved to be quite an opponent when it came to both hand-to- hand fighting and strategy-wise. I saw him laughing with Kaoru at another table, and I knew that he was also compassionate, and better with people than I would ever be.  
  
Kaoru had just come over to me and started telling me about Raiha accidentally falling down the minaret's steps (the highest watchtower in the Academy), when I felt something on the edge of my senses. A quick glance told me that Kurei was coming over here. On a sudden surge of protectiveness, I put my hand over Kaoru's and squeezed it gently. He stopped, and we both watched the slow procession of Uruha gather as it wound around the tables. I stood, and Kaoru gripped his Kougan Anki tightly. I thrust my hands in my pockets and felt the coolness of the Ensui spread through me, clearing my troublesome thoughts. When the line of Uruha stopped in front of us, my hands were wound around the hilt as tightly as Kaoru's was around his Elemental.  
  
"Kaoru Koganei", Kurei said slowly, as if savoring every moment he kept me in suspense. His eyes flickered over to me and smiled. I had never been on his shit list before, but it seemed I was now. He looked as if he held the last trump card, a Joker to end all Jokers, twisting the knife slowly until I died. How suffocatingly painful. "I believe you are the new master of the Kougan Anki?" Kaoru's eyes flashed protectively at the mention of his weapon. Kurei held up his hands beseechingly, "No, don't get me wrong, Golden Boy. I don't want the Kougan Anki. What I have come here for is to make a proposal."  
  
My teeth clenched tightly. In back of me, I could feel the rest of the Hokage assembling: Saicho's spare paper cranes at the ready, Fuuko's darts cocked to throw, Kukai's large, spade-like hands held in a stance. My eyes flitted through the Uruha crowd. As I had thought, the three people who might defend me were gone: Raiha, Tsukishiro and Gashakura. My eyes came back in a full circle to rest on Kurei's form. The light glinted ominously off of his nails, and my hand brought my Ensui out.  
  
"You have not chosen a side, am I correct, Kaoru Koganei? Hear me – I have decided to offer you a chance into our ranks, the ranks of the Uruha." At the Hokage's stricken looks, his smile turned ugly. His eyes slitted like a snake's when they flickered up to me. "I'm sure that your pretty-boy Mikagami would miss you so much."  
  
My hands trembled with anger. "How dare you?", I managed to keep my voice at last somewhat calm, but inside the anger, a feeling I usually did not feel, suppressed under stress and the workload of training, cracked the dam that had been holding it in a single burst of red liquid that rose up in front of my eyes like the mist of bloody morning. "What are you getting at, Kurei?"  
  
His mouth turned upwards in an infuriating smirk. "Why, you should know as well as Kaoru, shouldn't you?" My other hand cupped the end of the Ensui where the sword was supposed to emerge. I had no water near me; I would have to use my blood. "Mikagami, you disgusting creature, you dare try and hide that you've been molesting Kaoru!"  
  
I was taken completely by surprise. WHAT was he saying? I almost felt like laughing. Did he even have any valid proof of this? And even as that humor came up, so came the anger, again. How DARE he say something like that when he did not even know? In a flash, my Ensui was out, my blood frozen into ice. This was a signal to everyone else in the room: that Mikagami, the master of the Ensui, was past anger, and was now oblivious to the rest of the world and to whatever laws and rules this temporarily damned Academy had against fighting in the halls. The ONLY reason there were so many people behind Kurei now was because he was able to win them over with his sweet, sinuous tongue and whatever he promised that siding with him would bring. He was lecherous snake, a fiendish demon I sought to cut down. A false accusation! How could he, how could he DARE?  
  
"But, Mikagami's been perfectly nice to me. He hasn't done anything! What are you talking about, him taking advantage of me or something? That's completely false! Where the HELL you'd get that idea?" Kurei was silent, and Kaoru's eyes narrowed further. "Mikagami is more virtuous and upholding of this Academy's rules than anyone else here is except for the Kagero! Where's your proof, you, you…infuriating bastard?"  
  
And when Kurei smiled, I knew that it was over. He somehow had proof, of something between Kaoru and I. Calmly the devil drew a small stack of pictures from the inside pocket of his uniform and let them flutter to the tabletop. I seized it, and hardly could believe my eyes. It WAS certainly a picture of Kaoru and I kissing, in the pagoda. Horrified, I threw the picture as far away from me as I could. While there was a scurry for it from the Hokage ranks, I picked up the next picture. Even worse, it was a picture from the back of Kaoru after I had woken up in the pagoda, when I drew him close in a brotherly hug. What was worse was that somehow the photographer made it look as if I had been…groping the poor kid. This one I ripped to shreds and picked up the final one. It was a picture of us in my room, half-hidden underneath the sheets. As there were no rooms empty except for in the rooms in the hospital wing, Kaoru was still temporarily staying in my room. The picture had my arm slung around the boy, drawing him close. From the way the light fell on the sheets, it made it look as if I was trying to get on top of him. This last one I threw back into Kurei's face, where it gave a lazy, mocking swirl and landed back on the tabletop, face up. The Hokage crowded around me, getting a look at it while I glared at Kurei as sharply as I could.  
  
"What is the meaning of this?", he asked me slyly. "Can you not say that this is ample proof?"  
  
For a moment, I had the terrible urge to go up and strangle him. But I forced that down my throat and gave as sarcastic a smile as I could and replied calmly, "Sure, they are ample proof of what's not true – however, I would like to ask where your photographer was. He seemed to have quite the perverted mind here." Behind Kurei, I saw Kashamaru cower. Of course. It had to be the ninja that did it.  
  
Behind me, there came a ripple of dissent from the Hokage. Damn. I was losing ground here. Fuuko's voice called out sharply, "And you think that I couldn't take a picture of Raiha and Kurei looking like they're about to kiss or something? I can't believe you'd say Mikagami was a liar just for this!". Mentally I thanked her, and promised I would make this worthwhile. Above us, there came a brewing storm and the sound of pattering rain. I felt torn in half in furious rage; I felt like I could blame someone for this, even if it was Kaoru. I couldn't even rightly blame Kurei for it – there was only myself to blame for giving away those chances that someone would inevitably use to shame me and make me lose face. Anger pounded in my head. I felt like killing someone. Something inside of me snapped, and I rushed at the Uruha without a second thought. I wouldn't allow my image to be chipped like this, another blemish on my record. The deceitful, hateful bastard, I thought to myself. Go to hell. To hell with you all!  
  
* * *  
  
I was frightened. As I looked down at the floor, I could feel Mikagami's anger pulsing like a beast ready to spring. After all, he had nothing to lose; no doubt he already didn't want me around for what I did to him in the pagoda, right? I felt like such a fool. It was my fault, all my fault that I had left so many unguarded opportunities for some sick bastard to come and take pictures and make Mikagami look bad. He wasn't bad…I was…  
  
That feeling of unworthiness, of a guilt I'd never be free of, dawned on me suddenly. My eyes burned. I shouldn't be here – it was all my fault, Mikagami. As I looked up at his face, I could see his eyes were blaming himself. No, no, you've got it all wrong, Mikagami, it's my fault. I'm not good enough, you see. I'm just a street kid who knows how to kill people, Mikagami, you shouldn't have been so generous to a little rat like me. I'm just nothing, Mikagami. And look how much damage I've done to you now, Mikagami. I'm sorry, I was just so careless. I didn't think like an adult – I'm just a child, Mikagami, and I didn't think that someone might want to hurt you and that I'd give them the opportunity – I'm sorry, I'm sorry, please, don't get mad, please take that expression off your face, Mikagami. You look so angry. I've never seen your face look like that. I've seen you detached, Mikagami, I've seen your eyes soften when you look at me or at Yanagi, and I know that you care. Mikagami, you don't deserve this defiling of your name just because of me. I'm a street rat, right? I'm worth nothing. Don't care about me, Mikagami. Let it go. I'm nothing, and so those pictures are nothing too, right? Right?  
  
And when Mikagami rushed at the Uruha, I didn't go and help him. Saicho and Fuuko raced past me, but were thrown back by a few blows by Kurei. Mikagami, I can't fight. Remember, I'm just a scrawny little street rat. I'm not a Golden Boy, Mikagami. I'm just a dirt-faced, mud- streaked street kid. I can't do anything to help you, Mikagami. I'm sorry. I really am.  
  
My heart broke when several Uruha took hold of Mikagami's arms and slammed him into the wall several times. I watched as blood trickled down slowly to frame the sides of his face, and his eyes half-shut from the pain. Gleefully the one who had taken the pictures pressed his sword against Mikagami's neck, and crimson spurted from the cut. One person jerked the Ensui from his hand and the ice fell to the ground in a red puddle. Mikagami's blood, my fault again. The Kougan Anki burned in my hand and I let it drop to the ground. All eyes turned to me at the noise. And even though I wasn't looking at him, or at anyone, I could just HEAR Kurei smirk. "It seems little Golden Boy has made his decision."  
  
I could feel Kage Houshi's eyes on me, from the corner. I could feel the eyes of the Uruha and the Hokage, waiting the verdict. I could feel the eyes of Mikagami, looking at me softly, pleadingly, telling me not to go even when there came a rift between us. I'm not fit for it, Mikagami. Don't try and stop me. Last of all, I could feel Kurei's eyes on me. I met them with my own, and I knew just from the sight of him that if I didn't agree with him, he would snap those fingers and Mikagami would be dead.  
  
"I accept", I said, and the words clogged my throat. I felt horrible, about to be nauseous and choked. And as I looked up towards Mikagami, his eyes held more betrayal than I could ever imagine. I couldn't cry, though, even when he was released. I couldn't look when he crumpled to the floor, spent, and the other Hokage crowded around him, helping him up. But his eyes remained riveted on me, as if trying to tell me to turn around and say that I didn't mean it. But my fingers weren't crossed. Plus, he didn't deserve a roommate like me, a little kid who just ended up doing something stupid and selfish. Forget me, Mikagami. I don't want to remain on your mind. I'm just a failure, a liability to you. Walk the other way and say that you never knew me. And with that, I tore myself away from the ranks of the Uruha and ran towards the last place I knew would still hold light and beauty for me. I ran to the garden, and no one stopped me. 


	6. A Year Passes

The first part is Kaoru's POV, then it's Raiha's.  
  
Ch.6: A Year Passes  
  
Kurei made it clear that day that I wasn't to see Mikagami. When I asked Raiha why Kurei would restrict something like that when it did me no harm, he looked away uncomfortably and said, "That's just his way". Yeah, I suppose, it was Kurei's way to hurt everyone. He seemed to pleasure in inflicting suffering everywhere he went. And while Mikagami was laid down low for a year, he seemed to be everywhere, and the Uruha marked every corner of the Academy. The Hokage were silent; Recca was not here, so there was not much argument they could put up. They'd lost their ringleader as for the moment; Mikagami seemed too tired, to weary to carry on. And though Fuuko was still a rallying supporter, she couldn't command people like either Recca or Mikagami could.  
  
I shared a room with Raiha. He made it quite clear that he would not do what Kurei was suggesting Mikagami did to me and pointed out a makeshift cot for me to sleep on for the time being. Later, I moved into his walk-in closet; he didn't seem to own more than five sets of clothes at one time, and his closet was pretty much empty in the first place. Raiha was kind, I guess, but he wasn't Mikagami. And even as a year slowly ticked past, I found more and more differences between the two. It wasn't right, I felt, that Mikagami would be so humiliated by my cowardliness; to him, it must have seemed that the very heart that beat inside of him had been ripped out or something. I started classes after I moved into the Uruha: Statistics, Weaponry (even though I already had the Kougan Anki, I still had to prepare for any time that I might not have it around), Tracking/Wildlife and types of terrain, Weather and Meterology, Geography (the basic layout of the land around the Eastern borders), and Basic Survival and First Aid. On top of that, Raiha made sure that I had ample practice with my Kougan Anki every day. I quickly learned to change the weapon into any of the five forms without hesitation, and which form I should use for each situation. Raiha always seemed to be there, ready to guide me, and it seemed he had abandoned all time for himself to make sure that I succeeded. A part of me wondered if this was all part of Kurei's plan to make me some kind of symbol for the Uruha, like the famed Fuujin Fuuko and water master Mikagami on the Hokage. I felt like some kind of golden prize, tossed around to be admired at. No sense of individuality and self-control at all.  
  
I grew up. No longer did I reach a little past Raiha's elbow anymore; I was now almost as tall as he was. The Kougan Anki didn't serve as my crutch as I was hurt anymore; I learned from Kage Houshi a way to minimize it, and I stuck it in my pocket for whatever duels I'd face that day. When I drew it out, I was always reminded of Mikagami, and I grew to be known as a swift and fluid opponent, not prone to careless mistakes. That came from both Mikagami and Raiha, whose influences lent me a great deal of knowledge in fighting. Sometimes as I walked past the other training halls, I could see Mikagami and Tsukishiro practicing. Sometimes they were resting. Sometimes Mikagami was not there, and there was only Tsukishiro, dancing around with his Kaigetsu and no doubt admiring his own movements like he admired his own face.  
  
A few times I saw Mikagami walking in the hall, or in a classroom giving a lecture or teaching a class. Once or twice I went into the library to do an assignment and he was there, talking with Kage Houshi. At those times, he seemed to close, but so far away. Personal boundaries held me from reaching out to him, telling him I was so sorry, that I was so…weak, spineless, like a worm. And when he was talking, he never seemed to smile, his eyes were frozen like chips of ice, and they didn't soften like they used to. I missed that expression on his face. And when he walked by, he never noticed me, and I knew he was angry at me still.  
  
Around December, the Academy almost emptied completely of veterans. All students who had at least three years at the Academy were called out to the frontline. The East was gathering. All that was left in the schools were a few remaining, swaggering Uruha, Kage Houshi, all the new trainees, and Mikagami. The only reason he remained here was because Recca trusted him, and to the Academy and the high officials, Recca's word was God's decree. But from what I heard (and what I felt myself since Kage Houshi said I was so like her son), Recca could be brash, emotional, and didn't think straight sometimes in battle. And though he usually knew his limits, he also was prone to taking many chances. I also learned something else about Recca and Mikagami: that they did not get along well together. They were fire and water; both would oppose each other until the end of time. However, they made a very good team, or so I heard, and on the battlefield they forgot all but each other's safety and winning a victory.  
  
From all the newcomers that seemed to be walking around, I wondered if it had been Mikagami who had found any of them. Some of the girls giggled as I walked past them, talking about "Tokiya", but I paid them no mind. Mikagami wasn't the type to go for frivolous types. Sometimes I would observe him in his classroom, and I would mentally think that maybe, just a little chance, I was still the newbie holding his heart back, and that he might still treasure those memories of me.  
  
A few acquaintances I made, and retained steadily: the boy Saicho, who let Fuuko borrow his paper Shiki Gami and had it work beautifully, so he was temporarily weaponless because Fuuko had taken his Madougu out to battle; Gashakura, a tall but not powerfully built man who used the Magagumo like a second arm and didn't put on his armor unless he was in battle; Kage Houshi; Yanagi, who became somewhat of a subordinate older sister; and the two other healers of the hospital wing, Misora (Kukai's daughter) and Kurenai. From what I had heard, Kurenai was somewhat of a soft spot in Kurei's list of people, but I couldn't actually believe that a cold-hearted person like that would care for anyone. But, Kurenai, from what I had seen several times, thought quite highly of Kurei's 'good points', whatever those were, and was a close friend of his. Raiha, too, remained, for reasons I was not sure of, perhaps to help around the daily life of the Academy. Now that the Academy had emptied of teachers, the students were made to study on their own. I did so with purposeful vigor – to bury myself in my work and forget all my troubles for a little while.  
  
I managed to keep track of Mikagami. I knew that every day at five, he would be at the library to converse with Kage Houshi. I kept a discreet eye on him, visiting the library during that time every few days or so, just to make sure that Mikagami was not sick or dying somewhere. However, as I observed him, I realized something else: he was tired. There seemed to be a ring around his eyes, even though I could see that he had used some form of makeup to try and ease it up a little. This seemed to be the target of Kage Houshi's conversations with him, because I could see plainly that she was worried. And as the months after December dragged on by, I could see that Mikagami was getting more and more weighed down by work. I wondered what that 'work' was; he had an office near the dormitories that I suspected was filled with paperwork, because several times he emerged late into the library and was carrying several scrolls. I wondered what they might say, and I wished that I could help him.  
  
No longer was a child, I felt. It seemed I had suffered a terrible loss, and caused a calamity in Mikagami as well. My grades were up, my Kougan Anki seemed to respond to my slightest thought rather than touch, perfectly automatic – what else was there to wish for? But there was always Mikagami, and the picture of the garden that burned in my uniform's inner pocket. It indeed was the one from a year ago, taken by Kashamaru, and the one that Mikagami threw to the side. Raiha had picked it up afterwards, and told me that I should keep it. It was the only sight of Mikagami I could see usually, and I treasured it. And though it was embarrassing to see that I was kissing him, it raised his voice and his laughter to my mind, and I would stare at it sadly and put it away.  
  
I had a strange sort of ceremony that I performed every monthly anniversary of that day the picture was taken. The only other person who knew about it was Raiha, whose eyebrows went up when I asked him for a candle. I would go to the pagoda in the garden, wading through the slog of winter mud and ice, and I would light the candle. Sometimes Raiha would come with me. I would lie on that bench and lean down just like Mikagami did in the picture, and imagine I was looking at my reflection. Sometimes I would stay there for only a few minutes. Other times I stayed there until I fell asleep. The first time it rained, Raiha held an umbrella over me. I pushed it away. There was a puddle just where Mikagami's hand dipped into the water in the picture. I copied his posture correctly, and when my eyes closed in slumber I imagined it was Mikagami's face looking back at me.  
  
* * *  
  
My eyes softened as I looked at Kaoru sleeping peacefully on the bench. The poor boy must have been exhausted. He seemed such a change than from the first time we met, way back when Mikagami had just brought in another new student to grace our halls. Back then, I didn't realize just what Kaoru would become: the new master of the Kougan Anki. Back then, I did not realize that he might be the one to completely shatter Mikagami's heart.  
  
I had just blown out the candle when I realized that there was someone else in the garden. It was raining, so I first lifted Kaoru into my arms and then held the umbrella over me. It was almost dark. As Kaoru was lying there dreaming, I must have fallen asleep, because it had just touched sunset then. Of course, with the thick layer of clouds that was hardly obvious, but after meteorology class I found telling time from the sun was probably the only thing I got from that class at all. I turned around to greet the newcomer.  
  
"Evening, Raiha", he said softly, and stepped a step closer. I didn't flinch, but held the boy out for him to hold. Kaoru rolled out of my arms and into his. He gave a grunt, then eased the boy to the floor, brushing the brown locks from the sleeper's forehead. "So big now. I bet you're almost as tall as me now, eh Kaoru?"  
  
I watched Mikagami stroke the younger's cheek, and I knew that what Kurei had done that day had been wrong. Who could separate these two? From what I had seen in that picture, Kaoru probably loved Mikagami – only he just didn't understand it. Even now, the two managed to find a way to see each other. They were inseparable; when one was in pain the other only served to reflect it. I knew that Kaoru went to the library to watch Mikagami, some days. I knew that he saw the weariness in Mikagami's face, and that sometimes he was late and Kage Houshi would pace around the table, waiting for him to come. My friend Mikagami was deteriorating. And no one but Kage Houshi, me and Kaoru saw it. I'm sure that Mikagami wouldn't give up his job to anyone, the job of running an entire school. There was no Recca here right now; he had placed Mikagami in charge. However, coupled with the loss of Kaoru, the year had grated on Mikagami's work endurance. He still met all the deadlines for reports and statistics on what was going on, but he now stayed up until past dawn getting last night's work done. My friend was dying, so to speak. I could only watch, and it made my heart pang with grief to see him so weary.  
  
I felt that there was only one thing I could do now, and that was to leave Kaoru with him for just a little bit. Taking the candle out again, I lit it and place it near Mikagami. The Ensui master was slowly rocking Kaoru back and forth in his arms, his eyes sorrowful. Once in a while, he would lean his cheek against the younger's head and murmur something. The scene made me turn away. So much that Mikagami deserved…he deserved all the happiness in the world. And just as he was getting it…it was all taken away again. I'm sure that he felt he was destined to lose everything he loved. That was his face, after all – after losing his sister, Mifuyu, it was only logical he would cut off all his emotional ties to the world. And just when he was starting to peek his head out again, the whip lashes and he goes back in his shell. A sad story. I hoped Mikagami got a happy ending.  
  
When Kaoru was near, I knew Mikagami always seemed to liven up a little. His eyes would began to shine and clear, and his talking grew confident, sure of himself. Sometimes when he visited the hospital wing with me at night, he would talk with Yanagi. She would tell him that Kaoru missed him dearly, and he would sigh, but his eyes would be perfectly delighted that he had heard even the word "Kaoru". I couldn't actually say the two were in LOVE, but rather that they were…one mind, working together.  
  
When Kaoru woke up again, Mikagami was already gone. The candle by his side had long burnt out, but I'm sure he could feel the wood beside him was still warm even though it was sodden with rain. "Raiha?", he questioned softly, "why are we still here?" I pretended to be surprised, and turned around smiling. I hadn't heard Mikagami left, but I had felt him leave. Such sorrow…it left me yearning for maybe a love of my own, even though it was absurd that I would have a chance to pursue such a thing when a war was going on.  
  
"Oh! Kaoru, you're awake?", I smiled until my eyes winked together. "I'm sorry I didn't bring you in earlier. It was raining harder just a few minutes before, so I thought to wait a bit. Before that, I think I fell asleep…" I trailed off uncertainly, but Kaoru just got up and picked up the candle. I smiled again, and I felt my emotions crack at such a false façade. "Well, let's go back to the Academy then, Kaoru." And we walked away. 


	7. The Breaking Point

Ch.7:  
  
And finally, there came a day when I snapped.  
  
These days, even Raiha seemed to be distracted. He was absent more than ever, now, running back and forth from the strategy room to the First Aid classes (those were the only classes still in session) and then to the Statistics room, where Kage Houshi used the Eikai ball to contact the frontline. At night, he had barely laid down to sleep when a knock would come on the door and he would be out again. One night I tried to wait for him to come back, huddled underneath the covers and watching the door patiently. There was no clock; I watched the moon rise hazily above wispy clouds until it disappeared from my view. It was past one o'clock. I waited still, and fell asleep before he came back.  
  
A few of the Uruha remained, all low-level freaks who dared not say anything against either Raiha or me. Kurei, as most of the other seniors like Tsukishiro and Gashakura, Kashamaru and Mikoto, were gone already. The second year students tittered nervously for when they would be called out as well. I was no second-year, but I still waited for any sign that I might be called out. I was, after all, the master of he Kougan Anki, so there was always a chance I might get called out. Mikagami was still the current in-charge of the Academy back home, but from the whispers around the hall, I had a feeling that this Academy would be entirely empty after a little while, if Recca had his way.  
  
Now that so little Uruha remained here, it became very tempting to visit Mikagami. I grew bolder in my Mikagami-sightseeing (I always felt like I was some kind of perverted freak when I did, but it was the only way I could tell if he was at least eating or not). He DID have an office, but inside it looked immaculately clean; no papers to be found. During mealtimes, I could often spot either Raiha or Kage Houshi bodily dragging Mikagami from either the library or the study room to get some food in him. However, I perceived that under the friendly banter that Kage Houshi and Raiha exclaimed about Mikagami's "Odd Habits As In Comparison To A Hermit's Habits", there was an air of serious worry and a ring of truth. Mikagami simply could not be seen elsewhere except for these three places.  
  
There was no one in the hospital wing. Yanagi, Misora and Kurenai had been called out. Kage Houshi was about as tired as Mikagami, and I wished she could postpone her death or something: what would happen if she was gone? The Academy would probably be in chaos; Kage Houshi was the one who brought it all together. I guessed that Raiha would probably appoint some of the students in the First Aid class to run the hospital wing jointly.  
  
As for visiting Mikagami, I knew it had to be impossible. By the way Raiha spoke about Kurei, I was sure that he would probably tell Kurei the moment he got back. Of course, there was always that tiny, guilty spark of hope that wanted Kurei to die so that he wouldn't be any more trouble – but I highly doubted that. After all, he WAS one of Recca's descendants, and if that was true, than he was powerful, right? And together with Recca, they were probably the dubbed 'Unbeatable Team' or such. So, there wasn't really a chance of that. Still, I looked for a chance. I was alone most of the time now, as Raiha had things to do around the Academy. Before he left, Kurei had admitted several newbies as Uruha members. These people served to annoy me – either they were too fawning of my Kougan Anki or they sneered at me as they walked by. I knew that everyone in the Uruha knew that Mikagami hadn't done anything to me. I also knew that the Hokage knew Mikagami hadn't done anything to me (and if they thought he did, they'd already forgiven him). And though I longed to settle things down once and for all while no one was here in the Academy, one look from Raiha and I'd be silent. He was my friend, and I didn't want to cause any trouble for him.  
  
But trouble came, whether or not I liked it.  
  
I was almost asleep when I heard the door open. A little surprised that Raiha would return so early in the night when usually he returned sometime the next morning, I opened the door to the closet a crack. To my surprise, two figures passed swiftly before the door. Something, something about the way they moved, made me shut the door. These people, neither of them could be Raiha. I knew that Raiha could be as silent, as sleek as them, clinging to the shadows, but something, something about them told me that it was not him. Plus, wouldn't he call me if he came in and I was awake? Somehow he could always tell if I was awake or not. Involuntarily, my hand found tried to seek the hilt of the Kougan Anki and found nothing. Of course. It was in the Hall right now. I drew the short knife that Raiha had given me just in case someone ever found me without my Kougan Anki, and slipped the sheath into my pocket. I held the knife where the light could not reach it so that it would not reflect light.  
  
All at once, the door to the closet tore open, and a figure pushed inside. Taken completely by surprise, instincts kicked in before I could stop and I shoved the knife into the man's back. He gave an agonizing scream before he went dead. My eyes went wide at the uniform. It was an Academy uniform.  
  
No time to wonder, my mind reminded me. There's still one more.  
  
"Hey, you alright in there? Hey, Ruyiha, are you alright? Ruyiha!" The newcomer was now in the doorway. I couldn't let him find the light switch. What were two untrained, few-month-old students doing in here? Even in the dark, I could see the "First Aid" badge on this one's coat. A hospital wing worker? Why, then, was he holding a nice sword, ready to kill someone with it?  
  
As he went past to check on his comrade, I knocked him down and pulled his hands up. Lowering my knife point to his neck and setting my foot on the base of his spine, I gave him no leeway to move without me accidentally breaking his spinal cord or stabbing him. Time to ask questions. "Who are you and what are you doing here?" When the man hesitate, I pushed the knife a bit deeper, giving the man a nice bleed before I pulled it out again. "Answer my questions promptly!"  
  
"Please let go of me, I don't mean any harm…" I lifted my foot and kicked the sword behind me into the main room when he tried to reach for it. The man whimpered. What a wimp. Was this what someone had sent to kill me? "I'm just a hospital worker, I don't mean any harm…"  
  
I narrowed my eyes. This was getting nowhere, and something was afoot. I could hear vague shouting in the hall. My foot crunched down on the man's head before he could yell for help. I waited until the sounds outside subsided, and then continued. "What's going on out there?"  
  
The man whimpered. "The students are protesting…please let go of –", I shot him my best glare, and he stopped, "they don't agree that there's no one here but Fridge Man Mikagami who doesn't care a shit for the school and rules with an iron fist, we want more leeway here." I gave him my best encouraging 'terrorist' look to keep him going on, but inside my insides turned to ice like the mystic blade of the Ensui. Someone wanted to throw Mikagami out? But why? And why hadn't I detected any civil unrest in this school anyway? Who could want to throw Mikagami out when all he did was take care of the school? I took care of the man with a nice punch. Almost as if something possessed me for the moment, I found myself packing several sets of clothes into a backpack. Something was up, and I could feel it through my veins, a kind of jittery nervousness that told me that I wasn't going to be coming back here for a long, long time. I locked the closet door and stepped outside into the hall.  
  
It was absolute chaos. The 'takeover' apparently had been very successful, because I could detect no order, or rather no semblance of any older seniors that might want to be in charge. Watching them wave knives and pitchforks around, I knew I wouldn't fit in there for a moment. Drawing the knife, I proceeded to join their mutterings and shouting, all the time looking for Raiha. No one really noticed; the lights were low (apparently people hadn't gotten into the lighting yet, so it was still scheduled to go off at midnight) and there were a lot of people. I was careful not to cut anyone, but I could see several people against the walls, apparently stabbed accidentally or intentionally, I couldn't be sure. This kind of mob would be perfect for rivals to kill each other, I thought. Not a good place to be. I picked my way through the crowd carefully, letting my bangs hang down as I chanted whatever the rest of the people were saying. All of the sudden, I felt a distinct PULL in one direction. It was the garden door, the door where I first –  
  
Blocking the thought from my mind, I broke away and opened it. Outside it was clean and clear. The plants around me seemed to wave, telling me to forget about the Halloween party inside and focus on peace and quiet. Bruquely I pushed past bush after bush, looking left and right? This certainly was POSSIBLY a place where Raiha might hide out until things subsided. Very uncautiously, I pattered loudly up the steps on the pagoda and said timidly, "Hello?"  
  
Immediately I was beset upon several people. In a fury of surprise (and anger at myself; why the heck had I let my guard down?), I bit and kicked, but somehow I was flipped around and tied up. Only when I was decently gagged did whichever people they were stepped back and one held up a candle. I was instantly relieved, for it was Raiha. I gave a muffled greeting, and he stepped back in surprise, a bit of a twinkle in his eyes. At a gesture, the others came and freed me, and I sat down, rubbing my wrists and ankles ruefully.  
  
"Now, you know better than to be sneaking around abandoned corridors at night, Kaoru", Raiha scolded teasingly. "Monster jump out and eat you."  
  
I scowled at him. "Raiha, I'm to old for that stuff. I'm fifteen for heaven's sake, so why the heck are you trying to scare me with some kinda bogey story?" The small crowd broke out into giggles, and I tried to lighten the mood further. "Damn, you're crazy. I bet you didn't believe in monsters when –" I stopped; my ears had caught a sound among the ferns. I turned as everyone else did, but there was no one else there. I fell forward in shock when someone, a very invisible someone, ran a finger straight down the middle of my back. I started to give a howl, but then whoever it was covered my mouth and softly said in my ear, "Best not shout, because we'll all get caught that way."  
  
The white sheet removed, Tsukishiro stood there, looking a little more than a little pensive. I believe he tried to smile reassuringly to the whole of the congregation, but it turned out to look more like a frown. "Things aren't looking good in there. The entire campus has been overrun with these mask wearing freaks. They don't seem to have any purpose at all. In fact, if it weren't for that I checked, I would've thought they were being controlled or such." Here his face grew worried. "But they're not, so I'm not quite sure what their aim is. To throw Mikagami out? But they've already done that, you see. They've made his life miserable for the last half a year, even when there was more of us to supervise. They've worn him down past his limit."  
  
I leapt to my feet. "Mikagami?", I swallowed, "is he alright? Where is he? Is he safe?"  
  
Raiha put a hand on my shoulder. "Yes, he's safe. However, I can't tell you where he is. Things have heated up far too quickly. Recca's having trouble at the battlefield, and things have been heating up over here. You may have noticed I've been out for the past few months, and don't come back until really late into the night, right Kaoru?" I nodded, and he looked a bit apologic. "I'm sorry if I haven't been spending enough time with you, Kaoru. I know that you'd much more rather have Mikagami this past year, but…", he sighed, and I patted his hand on my shoulder. "I've been down in the city, out in the country, traveling around to see what the condition of the land is. And from what I've seen, the Terror seems to have infected every last little bit of our country, Kaoru."  
  
Rightly terrified, I squeaked, "What you mean, infected? With a disease?"  
  
"No, no", Raiha laughed softly, mirthlessly. "What I mean that he has occupied all seats of power. Right now the country is in turmoil; he's either pulling the strings on puppets in the Congress, or making the countryside rise up and refuse the troops on our front food. He seems to be everywhere. At first we thought that we might be able to hold out here, in the Academy. After all, we ARE the force that pushes him away. However, it seems that he has even invaded our home as well, where we thought was our last sanctuary." His hair brushed over his eyes, and he looked away resignedly. "I do admit that Mikagami has not been a very good in-charge, but that is not his fault. He did his best. Before that the third years were sent out, Kurei separated you from him, so that served to completely devastate his morale. Recca should have either put me or Kage Houshi in charge, and put Mikagami on the field." He looked away, into the night, where the moon shone half-covered by clouds. "I haven't been a very good friend to him, have I?"  
  
I found I couldn't say anything. I had often felt this way when I thought of Mikagami. Often I thought that he might be lonely, and it was my cowardice that I was not there now to help him through. Mikagami, in the short time I was with him, seemed so remote, so alone, aloof and cold. At night in his room, he seemed another person: open and friendly. He longed for warmth, for happiness, but he was afraid to get it and then lose it completely. He was a desperate man, thinking that all he touched would turn to dust, and fly away from him. No matter how much I could stick close to him, let him lean on me like a crutch, he never seemed to have enough of those laughs, those smiles, those simply happy times. He was a very sorrowful man. Depression stuck in his life like a knife through his heart. It stayed there and didn't come out, and all the times did was twist it more and more. No matter how much I wanted to help him, how much I managed TO help him, it never seemed to be enough. He was just a child, really.  
  
Raiha reached into the dark and pulled out my Kougan Anki. Then, to my surprise, he pulled out another weapon, one made of carefully carved bone, with an iridescent jewel at the bottom of the hilt. Emblazoned with the ancient script for water, I stared at it. Mikagami's Ensui. Wordlessly he handed it to me, and his eyes seemed to speak volumes. If anything happens to throw all of us down, you must escape. You are not Recca, with his stubborn pride. You are not me, with my loyalty. You are not Kage Houshi, a pacifist who tries to resolve problems without violence. You have seen the best of all three worlds. You are smart, you are skilled, you can get in anywhere because of your age and your acting. If anything, anything at all that could possibly happen to the Academy and to US, you must run. Find Mikagami, even though I have give you no clues. Save him.  
  
And with that, we moved towards the Academy. For some, it would be their last battle. For others, they would fight and live to see another day. But that night, we all died at least once, when we cut through flesh of our own students, our own learning and our own knowledge. The Academy died that day, in a billow of smoke on the wind, in the ruined halls. The Hall was spared, for it had wards around it. The library was saved, and its millions of books served generations afterwards. The rest of it was gone. After that night, the Academy was no more. 


	8. Winter

Ch.8: Winter  
  
The first time I ever drove my Kougan Anki into someone, I shuddered. Soon he was dead, on the floor twitching, and there was no time left to say a prayer, to tell him I was sorry, or anything. Student after student came at me, and I found myself screaming, crying, emotions overflowing in my face. Later Tsukishiro described me as "a very angry little kid". I could care less at the moment whether or no these were students, but still, still I cried without completely knowing why. These people had just usurped my entire world, and had thrown a person I dearly, dearly cared for into submission, and I wanted to thrash them all for that. That night, I killed without truly knowing what I was doing. It was the first time I had killed anyone. I never thought, though, that these were once people I went to class with, talked with, snored with (when the teacher was droning too badly). At that moment, all there seemed to be was this empty, desolate sea of red before me, and I couldn't look away at the ground or look up at the sky. All there was, was a mist before my eyes, obscuring everything but hate and the feeling of the Kougan Anki in my hands.  
  
My mind went back to a childish state. Vaguely afterwards I could recall myself imagining I was a God, cutting down everything in my path. During that time, I laughed at everyone who had ever called me small: classmates, Kage Houshi, Raiha and even Mikagami. I felt that I could kill everyone. I enjoyed it, and felt that love of blood on my hands. It was a surreal feeling, to become what you don't really want to become. But that night I was pushed over the edge. I killed and killed and killed. I couldn't stop. I was laughing, I was crying, I felt I was the world and all its sufferings and all its happiness. In the end, I thought, it all came down to this, didn't it? Death. The end of all. That was the way life went, right? There was no such thing as immortality. There was only life, then death. I shuddered when I remembered that I cackled long and loud at the buttresses above at this discovery. I could feel the eyes of every student in the hall watching me. But I didn't care. I was crazy. I didn't care about that, either.  
  
I wasn't sure how I got back to the pagoda. The Academy – I wasn't paying attention, somehow, throughout that whole night – was chipping, falling, burning to the ground. And as I felt Tsukishiro's hands drag me away just in time into the safety of the pagoda several hundred meters away, I seemed to wake up. "Stop", I tried to ay, and I couldn't. I only felt that I was being dragged through briar and bramble, and panic over took me. "STOP!", I screamed, and swung my Kougan Anki, hanging limp in my hands, backwards. It met the Kaigetsu with a clang, and my jarred hands dropped the weapon. Understanding, Tsukishiro helped me to my trembling feet and I hobbled to the pagoda, leaning on the Kougan Anki. When I sat down and looked back, the Academy rose in red sparks as if to greet me one last time, to scream one last battle cry to the skies. Then just smoke rose up, and blanketed the land. The two of us watched until dawn, waiting, waiting for anyone, anyone at all, to step out of that side door. But no one came. And when dawn broke, Tsukishiro pulled softly on my arm and we went.  
  
Where we went I was not sure. I knew only that there was a drink of water and a soft bed, and darkness that overcame me. I slept for two days. When I awoke, Tsukishiro was urgently shaking my shoulder. "Come with me", he said, and he pulled me out into the streets. The Academy was still smoking from the fires that burned inside the dormitories. However, that was not what he had led me out for. For, on the battlements of the Academy above the main entrance, several figures were lined up. Even from such a far distance, I could tell that their hands were bound behind their backs. The man that stood to their right was reading something about condemning them to death, but I wasn't listening. The prisoners had been blindfolded, but I could see, clearly, that they were the people in the pagoda from two nights ago.  
  
"…Hereby, we sentence them death by decapitation five sunrises from now." There was a murmur from the streets and the crowd gathered at the foot of the battlements. "Why so long?", an onlooker asked. The man merely sniffed and said placidly, "We have much more important people to kill. The square's crowded, anyway."  
  
I shook my head in disbelief. Raiha had been right. How, how could the townspeople agree to this? I was atrocious! They were killing the very people who protected them from the Terror! I looked up at Tsukishiro. He seemed to tremble with rage. His fingers briefly touched the white cloth tied to his waist. I reached over and put my hand on top of his, silently telling him that there was nothing we could do. He seemed to understand, and we watched on.  
  
The announcer man read down the contents of the paper in his hands, then came to the very last line. He seemed to regard it for a moment, then said loudly, "Any of you have a last word? This is your last chance to address the people before you die." He said the last word with such devilish relish that I shivered. With hopeful eyes I looked to each one of the prisoners, hoping that they might say something. But each one shook their heads. The very last one, all dressed in dark clothes, seemed to consider it for a moment, then nodded. The man brought the loudspeaker to his lips, and the last prisoner's voice came out of it, soft, hesitantly friendly, not at all sounding like a man who belonged in dark cells anywhere. Gentle and loving, his message was thus: "Winter creeps into mountains and clocks. But the ice of oppression can only be broken by the warmth of people. Without the support of the people, this war cannot be won." The man's words were greeted by jeers and shouting. He seemed to wait for a moment, then continued. "I believe the Golden Boy will save us all."  
  
The man was Raiha. I turned back in dumbly. I couldn't hear anymore. In the room, I sank onto the bed and curled up and cried. Tsukishiro sat down on the edge of the bed and I put my head in his lap. He stroked my hair like a cat, and I sobbed at the tender touch. Raiha, and all the others – they had placed so much pure FAITH on me. They all believed that I would find Mikagami. But where to start, where to go? The weight of this burden on my shoulders was so heavy. Stupidly, I even thought of Kurei's command for me to stay away from Mikagami. What would happen once I brought Mikagami to the battlefield? Would I be scolded for doing such an act? And Mikagami…where was he now? There were no clues, no trail to follow. I would have to search a hundred years, I felt, before I could find him. I had so much to do, and the battlefield was not looking good for the people on the frontline. I had to hurry, but where to start? What…what could I possibly do to help anyone?  
  
That night, I awoke to find the moon creeping through the shutters and a familiar hand on my shoulder, shaking me awake. Motioning to me, Tsukishiro and I crept out of the window and onto the streets. The mob had placed a curfew on the city. We had to be careful. In a darkened alley, Tsukishiro put the Oboro over both of us, and we snuck quietly down the street.  
  
"Where are we going?", I asked quietly. Tsukishiro gave no answer. Finally we arrived in a deserted street. A cat meowed and I jumped. Looking quickly around, Tsukishiro pulled the Oboro off and opened the opening to the sewers. Motioning to it, I jumped in, and he arranged the top to cover up our entrance before landing in the water near me.  
  
"We must be quiet here", he said in a low voice. His voice echoed off of the walls, and I nodded. We had no light. We placed our hands to the walls and slid them down. Several times I felt sharp nails; rats. Where my hand had been, I could feel the dust of ages falling down from my light touch. Very easily I could imagine I was walking in skeletons, in a castle dungeon somewhere. I became acutely aware of every splash, every turn we made. We reached a door, and Tsukishiro opened it quietly. I followed him, and pushed me forward. I stepped onto the set of stairs and my sneakers squeaked agonizingly. I took them off and climbed the stairs in my socks. They seemed to spiral on forever. At the first landing, Tsukishiro stopped me, and we put the Oboro back on. Down the corridor, there were several guards, but they did not notice us passing, for we cast no shadow.  
  
Finally we reached the very, very end of the corridor. Looking down, I saw it curved like a snake. It would be a little ways back to the staircase down the sewers. Tsukishiro worked with a lock pick, and the door to the cell opened. The figures inside of the cell jumped to their feet at the intrusion. Once inside, Tsukishiro pulled the Oboro off and folded it to fit in his pocket. White was very easily seen in the dark.  
  
"Tsukishiro?", one person asked. I recognized it to be Fuuko, one of the people in the pagoda. I reached around for a hand, and met a foot instead. I tugged on it. "Who's this?", I asked. I got a sleepy mumble in reply. A pair of hands touched my face. "Koganei!", Fuuko whispered in awe. "What are you two doing here?"  
  
The sleepy person must have gotten up, for the next moment, I found myself in Raiha's embrace. "Kaoru, you heard me up there today, right? You must understand, there was a clue in there. You must find Mikagami, Kaoru."  
  
"But how?", I asked, and struggled to see his face in the dark. "I don't know how to start, I don't know anything…"  
  
Even in the darkness, I could feel Raiha's disapproval at my words. "You are an intelligent creature, Kaoru. I know this is a large task, but you must find Mikagami and bring him to the battlefield. The war will not be won otherwise." He held me at arm's length, and I could feel his eyes surveying me like a favorite son. "You love him, do you not?"  
  
I hung my head. I had almost forgotten about that. I felt ashamed – I did love him, dearly. I wished to have his shoulder for me to lean on, for his eyes to soften when he looked at me, and for him simply to be close, to share his warmth with me. Maybe I couldn't help Mikagami get through all of his hard times, but I couldn't fail on this. Raiha, everyone was depending on me for this. They were so desperate, so trustworthy of me…did they truly have so much confidence in me? May your strength give me strength, I told them silently. Mikagami will be found, I promised. I won't fail you all. I won't disappoint you all.  
  
As I leaned back into Raiha's embrace, I felt so heartbroken. They had to stay here, of course. They had to keep an eye out on the city. My job wasn't to stay here. Oh, but how I wished I could stay! I felt truly alone now, knowing that this task had to be done by only myself, alone, solo. How I wanted to help these people from this evil, smelly prison first! But this wasn't my priority. Softly, I left with Tsukishiro under the Oboro, and that was the last I saw of Raiha for a long, long time.  
  
The next morning, before Tsukishiro was awake, I was gone. I knew he had to stay; he was Raiha's liason to the rest of the world. He would find a way in, and tell Raiha everything that was going on outside. Tsukishiro had to stay, and when the time came, he would help all of them out of the prison. But I was surprised by him, for as I walked out the door, there came the thump of soft, silky, translucent white cloth against the back of my head. The Oboro. When I looked to see who threw it, I saw I was right in range of Tsukishiro. I looked down at it, then back at him. One eye was open, and it winked at me. I smiled and tucked it around my waist like he usually did, and then walked out the door. The first thing I noticed was the weather. I have been in the warmth of the Academy for so long, I never realized something: fall was long gone, winter was coming. Winter was coming. 


	9. A Light in the Dark

Ch.9: A Light in the Dark  
  
Raiha's words had completely baffled me; his 'winter' could be anywhere from the mountains to metaphorically meaning Mikagami. The thing that was apparently wrong with Raiha little speech that had set off the villagers were the words "this war". As I traveled towards the mountains (that was where I presumed Raiha meant by "winter into mountains and clocks". I set out for a city off somewhere in the distance that made good clocks, as did every other city in the mountains. I got the sinking feeling that this would bring no clues, that this was NOT where Raiha was referring to. But, I had no other option - with Terror-infested people looking for students from the Academy, I couldn't afford to hinder Tsukishiro. Mikagami was my responsibility, and that was my priority. Everything else was irreverent to me.  
  
As I traveled by foot, hitchhiked and caught rides on the bottom of trucks, I could see what Raiha meant when he said that the Terror had taken over everywhere. All the countryside were either protesting against the war (why they were protesting I didn't understand; it wasn't THEM who was fighting, it was just the Academy students) or holing it out in their houses until the fanatics had passed their house. In one town I passed, I watched in morbid fascination as people set fire to their own neighbors, accusing them of not believing in their cause. Many invited the Terror with open arms, telling everyone that would listen that nothing would change in the country. These people were unapproachable, or so I found - the Terror had brainwashed their limited words to "Throw down the government! The Terror will rule us fairly as no one has!" and "Listen to me!". I found it was almost sad when my eyes fell on the other members of the fanatic families, staring at the abrupt change.  
  
But I had no time to do anything. I entered the mountains almost a week from when I started out, stealing along the entire way. It amazed me how familiar it was to fall into that old pattern of luring people into bed, killing them and then taking their money. Almost as if I feared it, I dared not touch the Kougan Anki after I did these acts - I felt almost as if would blemish it, somehow. I didn't shrink the Kougan Anki; I kept it strapped to my back wrapped in a bedsheet so I would always have it handy. In the bottom of my backpack, the Ensui burned into my mind, always seeming to watch me. At times, I would hesitate before I picked up that Madougu; it x-rayed through me. At times, I wondered if it were looking for a new master, because all Madougu abandoned their master for another if their master didn't make contact with them after a while. I wondered if it was looking at me as a potential user; if that was so, I had to return the Ensui as quickly as I could to Mikagami, wherever he was. Urgency drew me; panic spurred my heels; the days flew by, and as winter rounded the corner, I found myself increasing anxious. I had combed the mountains and there was no sign of Mikagami anywhere.  
  
The Ensui's nightly glow of light, electric blue grew brighter. At first I wrapped the bedsheet around my hands to pick it up, and then I bought a pair of gloves to pick it up. With every day that passed by, I felt that it was slowly slipping away from Mikagami. This was what I was afraid of - if Mikagami was not the owner of the Ensui, it would mean that the Ensui would chose someone else as its master, and that would mean that Mikagami was useless. The war could not be won without Mikagami WITH the Ensui; it would take too much time to train someone else. Every second that slipped by with no word about Mikagami had me jittery. The mountains made my anxiety no better; they loomed above me, constantly reminding me of the numerous little towns, little villages that I could miss and miss a very large clue. At night, I tossed and turned; by day, my fingers stroked the white-bone hilt with the dragon-emerald jewel at the bottom. I wished with all my might that it might remain loyal to Mikagami. I hoped my wish rubbed off on the Ensui, but the Ensui was not my Madougu. It did not speak to me as the Kougan Anki did.  
  
The Kougan Anki DID speak to me, in a way. While the Ensui served as only an annoyance that blinked blue lights at me, my Elemental (or so I felt it was my Elemental) tried to block the 'watching' eyes of Mikagami's weapon. Perhaps it felt my wish for privacy. Maybe it was only annoyed that the Ensui had to come along with us, but whatever reason, I could clearly determine that it had a mind and will of its own, just as Kage Houshi had said. The weapon chose the master - not vice versa, and so I felt that the Kougan Anki had truly chosen me. The Ensui was another story, however - it was a water weapon, so I expected its attention towards one master short and slippery.  
  
My search brought me no closer to Mikagami. Two months passed with no sign. I grew mad with frustration from both the lack of news I could get from the Academy (news of either finding more students or news of Raiha and the others escaping) and from the lack of progress I was getting. Raiha's words didn't help me at all. The secrecy he had in the prison pit irked me constantly; I understood that if he didn't tell me the exact location, I wouldn't be able to give it away - but this was ridiculous! I could find nothing, nothing leading in or out of Raiha's speech on top of the Academy. I wondered if I should go to the frontline battlefields to ask, but that seemed like a waste of time and energy since the frontlines were so far away. Plus, by the way things were going, I wasn't sure there WAS a frontline anymore; the protests, from what I could see were getting stronger and more chaotic by the day. And Raiha had clearly said that only a few select people knew of Mikagami's final location - who was I to say that someone would know? Every day my eyes fell on the Ensui and my desperation grew. Nothing. There was nothing I could do, and the futile hopelessness depleted my spirits and slowed my steps.  
  
Only Mikagami's face kept me going, at times. I would imagine how happy he was to see me. He looked so tired before that night - how was he doing now? I could only wonder, and that gave me a feeling that was both uncomfortable and determined. My job, I felt, was only given to me because Mikagami somehow still treated me as friend despite the humiliation I had given him the day Kurei had thrown the pictures down on the table. At least, that was my wish, and my guess on why Raiha had entrusted the Ensui to me. Bringing Mikagami with his Ensui back to the battlefield, I felt, was proof that I was trustworthy, that I was MORE than what Raiha thought I was. I COULD do this task - all I had to think of was Mikagami. It wasn't much, going on a face, but it was enough.  
  
I gave up on the mountains, finally. I simply knew that this was not what Raiha had put Mikagami. The night I left the mountains was cold. Winter had set in, after all; how I managed to sleep outside in blizzards with only a tent and a sleeping bag I would never understand. I figured it was just my street kid instincts, hardship bringing a sort of invincible- ness. I awakened in the middle of the night to the snow and sleet blowing at my face. Slowly I crept up to close the tent flap, which had probably blown open. It was an ordinary occurrence. What I discovered was not.  
  
My eyes, on instinct, fell to my bag that held the Ensui. I dared not even get close to it, preferring to leave it just on the bottom of my bag when I went to sleep. More than ever I was afraid that if I touched it, it would chose me as its new master, and I didn't particularly want that when Mikagami was still alive. I closed the tent flap and had laid down when I realized something: no eyes. The Ensui wasn't watching me. My eyes darted back to the bag in the corner, and I reached out and tore it open.  
  
It was gone. The Ensui was gone.  
  
A shiver of fear ran through me. The unaccustomed feeling brought my knees crashing down to the tent bottom, and I searched the bag furiously again. Nothing. The Ensui was gone. Disappeared. Someone must have taken it and left the tent flap open in their haste, which meant that maybe - maybe they weren't too far away -  
  
I took the time only to grab the Kougan Anki and my bag before I rent the cloth shelter a crushing rash and stepped outside. I could barely see, but in my hands the Kougan Anki glowed a chilling gold. I trusted my Elemental and my instincts and gave chase in a direction I determined was the way the thief was. In my mind pounded several million thoughts at once: the panicking thoughts of "what'll I do if I can't find the person?" and "I'll fail everyone for sure" conflicting with "Nevermind, find Mikagami first!" coupled with "Go back and get your tent! That's wasted money there!". I concentrated these thoughts into one fine point, and said the letters of his name individually in my mind: Mikagami. Nothing else mattered. If someone was after the Ensui, they might be able to lead to Mikagami, and that was my goal. With that conviction, the grip I held on the Kougan Anki grew almost painful.  
  
Through the blizzard I struggled. Slowly, because I couldn't see, I staggered from tree to tree, and all the rest of my senses heightened. I grew aware of the blizzard slowly growing stronger. But I couldn't give up now!, I told myself. And as if to prove my point, something rushed up ahead, just barely in my senses. I slogged through the snowdrifts with a doggedness that surprised even myself. The cold slowly numbed my senses as the wind and sleet thundered against my face and rent slashes into the blue of my jacket. I could see nothing, but I could feel it: I was close, I'm almost caught up with him!  
  
And then it was as if all of my senses had been cut off. The sky grew pitch black, and the Kougan Anki's light fade to nothing. All that was left was touch, and I gripped the handle of my sports backpack of spare clothes and the warm metal in my hands like a vice. Slowly I sideshuffled to the right, hoping to bump into some sort of tree. Beneath my feet, the snow no longer crunched. My ears caught up soft echoes of my own breathing, but I couldn't be sure because the thunder of snow and wind had clogged up my ears. Reaching down, I ran my hands against the surface I was standing on. It was smooth, like watered limestone. Instantly I was on my guard. Somehow, I had either been transported to a completely different place, or I had entered a cave of sorts. I smiled at a very fitting thought - I guess Toto and I aren't in Kansas anymore.  
  
A nice spotlight turned on me, temporarily blinding me. A rather sarcastic voice boomed overhead, "Welcome, little master", and I snarled at it. I didn't like the setup of this. I knew I had been walking straight into a trap, of course, but this was utter stupidity. Did they WANT me to come and rip their throats out? That voice annoyed me.  
  
"Let's have some entertainment, eh, little Kougan Anki?", the voice asked me. "I've got some guests tonight, and I must give them something to look at." Mentally I wondered that if the voice wasn't so familiarly drawling than maybe I might like it. He sounded like someone - someone - it must be Kurei. No one else could ever sound so menacing and amused at the same time. My hackles rose and my senses prickled with intensity. What the hell did he mean by 'entertainment'? I twisted my Elemental into a defense jigsaw form that had no name. It shaped into a curve over my hands, and on a whim I took one of the solid red jewels off of the handle and carefully held it under the wing of the shield. I waited patiently. A sort of desperate confidence grew in me, and I resisted the urge to began hysterically laughing. Here I was, somewhere I didn't even know, ready to fight something I couldn't guess, and I still had the job of finding Mikagami on my back. This was insane. A sort of morbid chuckle burst from my lips.  
  
"Laughing, eh?", the voice asked again. "Well, your opponent will be out in a moment, Golden boy, just you wait." He (I imagined it would be a he, since his voice was certainly masculine) seemed to think for a moment, and added, "My name is Mori Kouran."  
  
I almost burst out laughing at that one. Mori Kouran?? What kind of name was that? Already I could picture him in my mind, an old fellow who tried to look hip. A hippie wearing tie-die and bellbottoms and singing really badly with accompaniment from a broken guitar, maybe. Or maybe he was dressed in a suit and was playing a saxophone. That wasn't as bad, but I could've cracked my head off. I was assured that whatever he sent out towards me, I'd be able to defeat it. A funny anger grew in me, telling me that this guy didn't deserve to fight me, whatever he did. A grim smile grew on my face. I grew tense and tried to relax, as both Mikagami and Raiha had instructed me to do before a battle. It didn't work.  
  
A door somewhere above opened. There came the rushing of a person from the top. On the other side of the ring I saw a figure emerge from the darkness. I strained to see him, to see the weapon in his hand, but other than my inner feeling that someone was there, I could sense nothing about him.  
  
Except, except.where was the Ensui? I clearly felt its eyes on me from somewhere, regarding me like a hawk in the sky.  
  
Then the lights crisscrossed across my opponent, and my heart leapt up with joy. In this man's hand was the Ensui, but I looked closer saw that the jewel on the hilt had been changed to an eye that blinked every few seconds, the eyelid as white as the bone. The man was dressed in the blue uniform of the Academy, with a plain black turtleneck underneath. On the right side of his chest, there was a gold badge pinned, declaring him the current in-charge of a dead Academy.  
  
The man was Mikagami. 


	10. Sweet Intoxication

Note that a copy is not a clone.  
  
Ch.10: Sweet Intoxication  
  
"Mikagami", I cried out loud, and started to run towards him. I stopped a few steps. His face, his body didn't move. My eyes flickered to the hilt, where the eye was watching me intently. I frowned; was that thing controlling him? Warily I stepped back a few paces, and my heart wordlessly called out to the man in front of me. Break free!, my heart tried to say, but the words choked in my throat. The man didn't seem to respond to my distress. His eyes were empty, devoid of life, and his face was as neutrally gray as the stone beneath my feet. Almost against my will, my feet shifted into a defensive stance, and part of me snapped. Panic rushed over like a wave, and my hands trembled around the hilt of my weapon. I couldn't fight him! How could I fight the one thing I was to find, to protect?  
  
He lunged. I parried, and the first clash of our Elementals brought me back to reality. "Mikagami!", I called desperately as I blocked another blow and sent him back towards the other side of the ring. "Break free of the spell, Mikagami!" When he registered no response to my name, I shouted my message again. It was only then that something in his face acted. But it was no emotion, no recognition. His eyes grew a little wider, and his mouth opened but no sound came out. He lifted the eye on his sword to watch me and closed his own eyes. The voice that came from my friend was not the mellow, calm voice of Mikagami, but one of harsher quality.  
  
"Your little friend's gone, boy." I threw my gaze to the window I knew was undoubtedly above, near the spotlights where I couldn't see because it was too bright. "Mikagami Tokiya is dead. This is just a copy."  
  
The Kougan Anki clattered from my hands in disbelief. My mind froze with numbness as it registered with the news. The world seemed to freeze around me, and I couldn't move, couldn't speak - all that there was to me was Mikagami's face and name, spinning around my head in dizzying circles. The voice that was coming out of the copy's mouth was saying something else but I couldn't seem to listen. Every thing was dead to me at that moment. Everything was wilted, disappearing - I couldn't focus my eyes. I felt like a thunderstruck tree, split in half, torn to pieces by a news I couldn't have hoped to hear incorrectly - he did say Mikagami was dead, right? But that simply couldn't be true, it couldn't be fair; I was still looking for him, Raiha was counting on me, the students on the battlefield needed him to fight, it wouldn't be complete until all the Elementals were on the field, it wasn't fair it wasn't fair itwasn'tfair -  
  
- and Mikagami lunged at me, obscuring my vision. His arm raised up, and the Ensui flashed brilliantly in his hands. Softly my mind wondered at that beautiful, crystalline light that it gave. As I observed the eye on the hilt in a daze, the haze of death, I could almost swear it was crying. But why?, my mind asked childishly. It seemed to be reduced in intelligence for the moment. Why would Mikagami do this? But as the sword dipped forward, arching towards my neck, I knew it was going to end soon. A hundred goodbyes I sent out, and a hundred damnations I received for all of my fellow students I had killed. My mind seemed to clear, white, purely nothing, devoid of anything but the vision of beauty before me. The form beside me was going to kill me, I knew, but I didn't mind. The face before me seemed so merciful, so benign, and my lips mouthed his name before the end.  
  
And as the seconds ticked by, nothing happened. My eyes opened to find Mikagami's light blue staring into mine, and my heart skipped a beat in surprise. The Ensui was cocked towards my neck, the point less than the infinite of a second from ending my life, and in balance my life hung. Time stretched by in a thin red line, and eternity had no limits in those few seconds. Then slowly, he straightened, and drew the sword away from my neck. I was so amazed that I found no words to speak for the first time in my life. My mouth tried to jabber something, but all that came out was his name, over and over and over. He seemed flattered, though his face didn't show it.  
  
The eye on hilt of the Ensui was still open.  
  
Without a word Mikagami blasted the ring, the building, or whatever we were in, to pieces. I'm sure that everyone must have wondered at the sudden explosion of ice that sprayed on the streets because when we stepped out, there were figures milling about. I puzzled at them; many of them seemed to have the same face and carried the same weapons. Where were we? All around there was darkness, a haze that smudged the landscape. Once upon a time, it might have been beautiful, but now everything was in ruins. I wondered at this change from the brilliance of the spotlight to this dreary mess, and I turned to ask Mikagami. But when I turned, there was no one there.  
  
Instead, there were two dozen identical guards that regarded me with a sort of dumb impatience. I turned to face them, the Kougan Anki in my hands. A quick glance to the left and right showed no Mikagami anywhere. And when my eyes flickered back to the rapidly menacing crowd in front of me, they seemed to part like the Rea Sea before Moses as Mikagami walked through. My teeth clenched as I realized that Mikagami had only let me out so that I could face some sort of imprisonment. Again, the sword was held out and the foreign voice came from the copy's mouth: "Mori Kouran has decided to keep you locked up instead. He didn't want to kill you just yet because he wanted to make a copy of you instead and take your Kougan Anki." The eye seemed to mock me, and my teeth gritted so hard they hurt. "Count your days, Golden Boy. They're quite short."  
  
I don't quite remember much after that. I remember being overwhelmed, and then I remember the face of Mikagami swimming before my eyes, and then darkness.  
  
* * *  
  
When I awoke again, there was someone else in the cell I was in. As I crept towards it, I thought it must be a joke, a very morbid one. Mikagami was there, the REAL Mikagami, a slash through his chest, obviously dead. I shivered at the sight and turned away from it. I tried to think. What should I do? My heart and my mind seemed so desolate, so empty - I had been attacked by Mikagami himself, I felt. It may have been just a copy, but it seemed so real I could've just reached out and touched him, and tried to fool myself into believing that he loved me still if he ever did. The quest was lost. There was nothing I could do, and the thought of letting the others down in some godforsaken crazy place like this was unthinkable. But what could I do now? My Kougan Anki was so far away, unreachable now. Mikagami was on the other side, dead - how ironic I would see him before I died. And even as something in his face drew me closer, that warmth seemed to radiate off of him as I reached out, my hands barely hovering above his cheek. Then, trembling, my hand brushed itself across his cheek. How soft it was! I felt like I was staring into the face of the prince again, now resigned and lost, but still full of glory. And as I brushed my thumb over his mouth, I stopped and ran them over again. There was no doubt; a breath was visible in the crisp air, and the lips were warm to the touch.  
  
He was alive.  
  
"Mikagami!", I shouted, as if it would wake him, "it's me, Kaoru!" And there, I trailed off forlornly. A little while ago, I would've been able to add "and I've come to save you!" to the end of that sentence, but now I could only stare sadly at the barred doors and down at my beloved's face. I took a glance at my jacket, ripped and torn from the blizzard I had gone through, and took it off. It was useless anyway. With my nails I shredded it and began to dab softy around the wound. It did a minor explosion, and began to bleed again. Hastily I lifted the bottom of his shirt and blushed at my actions. It seemed like I was some kind of giggling schoolgirl on her first crush! But I shoved those perverted thoughts away and quickly did what I could with cloth. I used the torn up jacket sparingly; I didn't know when I'd be getting new cloth for bandages, and I wasn't planning to rip up my pants anytime soon. My eyes fell to the Oboro that somehow they had missed and left on me, and decided against ripping that apart as well. What if it was some kind of blizzard outside? I draped the rest of the jacket over Mikagami's prone form and absently brushed away a stray lock of hair, letting his eartails curl around my fingers invitingly. Open your eyes, I silently wished.  
  
It was as if heard me. Soft blue met my eyes slowly, dazedly. Then the haze seemed to clear from his eyes, and he stared up at my face with a sort of amazement that I mirrored in my own face. My mouth opened and closed; I couldn't find the words to say. Finally, after a year, I would see him for the first time, speak to him for the first time in so long. I didn't realize I was crying until his hand drifted up and laid itself on my cheek comfortingly. "Kaoru", he said, his voice hoarse from being unused for so long, but to me it was the most beautiful song in the world. My hand flew up to clutch at his hand on my cheek like a lifeline, and I sobbed like a child. He gave a soft laugh, tried to sit up, and failed. I braced myself against the wall and lifted him halfway into my arms. My eyes couldn't drink in enough of his face, the soft, gentle presence that kept me sane and my feet on the ground. Through my mind flashed the scene of the pagoda, and I couldn't resist brushing my lips against his hand, warm against my cheek. At that moment, I loved him, truly. His presence seemed to give me the strength to do anything. At that moment I could conquer the world with my bare hands if I wanted to. He was so much to me. He filled me up and lifted me high. I loved him more dearly than anyone else I had ever, and would ever meet.  
  
His other hand came up to stroke my other cheek, sandwiching my face to look at him. "Kaoru", he said softly, and sighed. Was he sighing from the sight of me? A million little wishful butterflies called "Maybe he loves me" fluttered unsettled in my stomach. "Why did you kiss me that day in the pagoda?"  
  
My mouth opened several times and closed several times. I found I had nothing to say. This seemed to worry him. "Did you want to kiss me just for the fun of it, or did you mean it?"  
  
"No!", I blurted, and my hand tightened around the one he held to my cheek. I pressed it closer. It seemed miraculous, that hand against my skin. "I don't know; you seemed so.beautiful."  
  
At this, Mikagami seemed to give a wise smile. "And do you think I'm beautiful now?"  
  
I answered without hesitation. "Of course!"  
  
He gave a soft laugh, and it seemed to fill the dank cell with a sort of forbidden happiness. My eyes darted down to his wound, and I saw that it was already bleeding through the tattered shreds of my jacket. The pure sound of it filled my soul like the strumming of a classic guitar, mellow and lovingly sweet against my senses. Mikagami murmured things to me, things I wasn't quite sure of because I wasn't listening to anything but the way his words flowed. Like water, I thought. He was like his element. He clung like rain to my hair, and wouldn't dry. Cold as ice, but he could be he warmest water if he wanted to be. I held him close to me, pressing my nose into his hair. My hands smoothed the bandages on his chest, and I wiped the blood on the back of my pants so he couldn't see. There was a sort of desperate air now, doloroso [sweetly], enticing like incense. My lips met his with a feverish of a hungry man. My mind turned towards putting every ounce of me into that connection, strengthening it, making it priceless as pearls and ancient artifacts. And he responded back, slowly at first, but then a husky sort of passion seemed to unfold in the way his hands stroked my face languidly, and he seemed to play with me, not quite serious, but willing to let fate unroll as it would.  
  
The kiss was like coffee and chocolate. Warm and dark, it hushed the rest of my senses until all of my attention was riveted on the way his lips were placed on mine, how his tongue darted across again and again. Elegant, slow as blood and hot as ice - that was how it felt. I drank him in like the liquid he represented, flowing, but so slowly, oh so slowly. He told me to take my time, that everything would come to me soon. He told me a hundred things without saying anything. Tears streamed down my face. And when we finally parted, I caressed his face and whispered his name over and over.  
  
For a moment in time, I was his lover. I pretended I was the one person he would ever need in his life, and he faded into that illusion. In my heart, in my mind, it wouldn't last. The blood from his wounds was already seeping down, and I felt the bittersweet, sickly liquid paste itself onto my pants. I felt intoxicated by blood and by love all at once. Even as my hands wrapped the rest of my jacket around him as a last ditch effort to stop the bleeding, I knew it would be futile.  
  
His breath ghosted over my face like millions of fairy lights against my skin. It tingled like sweet sea breeze; it held me captive, looking at him. His hands touched my hands, my clothes, my face, my hair, all briefly, as briefly as his life had flown, then returned to my cheek. It slipped, and I held it in place. My hidden voice begged him not to go, that it was too early - I still needed him. Mikagami. I wanted to say his name forever. His eyes unfocused and glazed over. I still held his hand to my cheek, and then I felt it slip from my grasp to fall over his wound, as if to protect it. His face was peaceful, and his lips were curved into a satisfied, hidden smile, the smile I was accustomed to, fleeting and quick.  
  
I loved him like no other. I would never, ever love anyone as much as I loved him. 


	11. Questions

The first part is in Kaoru's POV, the second (finally) in Mikagami's.  
  
Ch.11: Questions  
  
Face the facts: I'm locked up in what I think is the Terror's hideout, Mikagami dead, my Kougan Anki is gone, I'm being copied by some weirdo (presuming that he was still alive after Mikagami-lookalike blew up the castle), and I'm terribly hungry. Okay, so maybe that last one doesn't count as something as big, but a bowl of water and a hunk of dry bread isn't going to replenish my strength here, you know. They were probably planning to kill me, I thought with a hysterical sort of grin, just like the typical bad guys that pick up sloppily after themselves. I laughed till I cried in my cell, and my laughter echoed down the hall. I hoped the guards shuddered at my vain grasps at the last threads of my sanity; it was disappearing fast. It was a sort of a last resort, laughing - maybe to prove that I wasn't worth cloning or whatever. Every thought that entered my mind was either very stupid or very random. There was no such thing as a plan anymore now that Mikagami, the REAL Mikagami, was dead. No hope. None at all.  
  
All that was left was madness. I laughed and laughed and laughed. I compared myself and my antics to everything from hyenas to airless tires. The comparisons made me scream with laughter. I hoped that that old man Mori Kouran was watching this. Maybe he'd think twice about making a copy of me, especially if he realized I was driven over the edge only by the incentive of "lack of food".  
  
And for a moment, I paused. A thunderous thought came to me: what if my copy was EXACTLY, in EVERY WAY IDENTICAL to me? It would mean that - it would mean that -  
  
Mikagami would be alive, wouldn't he?  
  
I started laughing again, just to keep up the charade, but inside I was grinning like an idiot. I couldn't believe. In the midst of all this craziness, I had found an answer. Mikagami was still alive, in his copy - I could only wonder what the Ensui was doing to this copy. But, if this copy was exactly like Mikagami in both mind, in memory, and in body, then Mikagami was technically still alive, wasn't he? That was the answer - I had to find the copy of Mikagami, and take THAT person to the battlefield. That was all I had to do. Unfortunately, that was practically impossible right now but I didn't care. Could it be said that hope returned to me at that moment? I laughed till I cried at the thought. A plan, a PLAN! I had a goal, now. I had just realized Mori Kouran's biggest flaw: making an EXACT copy of someone.  
  
As if on cue, two guards walked in and wordlessly bound me. I was led back to the ring, but I hardly saw the blank walls that passed by. The world had come back into focus. I could still do something. My job was still mine - I couldn't abandon it. And silently I vowed that I would find a way to do Raiha's work no matter how hard it would be. I pushed away the discouraging thought of "just a moment ago, you had no incentive of the sort" and hummed to myself. The guards stayed a good distance from me, enough to make sure I didn't take a run for it, but just far enough so they wouldn't have to physically touch me for any reason. Maybe they were afraid of catching a disease or something, but I didn't quite realize what they were so scared about; madness isn't contagious. I kept the façade up; I had to look as uncontrollable as possible. I could only imagine what would happen if I got pitted against my own copy.  
  
Which made me wonder: was it possible for this Mori Kouran to copy he Madougus as well? If that was so, then how could he copy an object? I understood that you could copy a person by cloning, but that was imperfect - I figured it was probably some other method of copying a person that was Mori Kouran's method of making identicals of people. Perhaps it was by observation; people watching Mikagami from a distance and taking notes; maybe it was some kind of mental copy. Copying something wasn't just physically anymore, especially if it was an important person like Mikagami. Could it be that Mori Kouran could alter copies to do his will? If that was so, it might be very possible that the 'eye' on the Ensui was evil. The Ensui would kept somewhere, that I knew. It was an object, and it needed no food or water to sustain itself. A person would be pesky; if the person escaped, the capturer would have to deal with the consequences. It cost money and work to keep a person alive. I could imagine that Mori Kouran probably didn't want Mikagami to remain alive because it would be a threat to him if Mikagami managed to escape, and also if he managed to destroy the other copied Mikagami. There was always the overlying "original is always the best" motto.  
  
I was led to a place I had entered before, the area that Mikagami blew up. It had been repaired, somewhat; there were no ice spears or puddles or water anywhere and all the rubble had been picked up, but there still remained a gaping hole in the wall. I stared at it. For some reason at the moment, I thought it was funny. I laughed, and I could feel every eye on the room turn on me. When I had stopped, my Kougan Anki was in front of me. I took it and transformed it quickly into the defense shield I had used last time. The red beads felt cool to the touch. Be calm, the Kougan Anki told me.  
  
I didn't have to ask who my opponent would be. Wasn't it apparent already? As soon as I saw the matching weapon in his hands, I knew. The lights turned down to him, accentuating the fanged grin he wore, the pearls around his neck, and the golden cross around his neck. The golden cross! It looked so familiar - I tried to place where I had seen it before -  
  
And I remembered. It had been around Mikagami's neck the day I was turned Uruha. All at once anger rose in me, and my eyes peered at the perfect image of me with dislike. Again, the Kougan Anki soothed my temper, and I relented. Vaguely I wondered if the other Kougan Anki talked too. If it did, I wondered what it would say to its master.  
  
There was no starting bell, no "FIGHT!", no signal at all. Simply, we rushed at each other with identical blurs of speed. My twin smirk faded. Blow after blow, crash after crash, we parried each other. We were of exactly equal intellect. There was no way that we could beat each other. Soon we were panting from exhaustion. I knew what he was thinking - it would be exactly the same as mine. There was no way I, or him, could win. There had to be some other way to end this. At the same time, we turned our eyes to the window that was undoubtedly up there. Mori Kouran was either there, or in his private little room watching this on a monitor. I didn't think that he'd stay up near that hole.  
  
We clashed our weapons together, used every bit of wit we had, and transformed our weapons so many times the tips of our fingers were bleeding and sore, and still, no one came out on top. We were identically, evenly matched. There was no winner.  
  
And then, softly, into my mind, there came a whisper. There was one way, it told me. Even as I listened to this voice's words, I could see the other Kaoru crouching low to get at me again. And even as I wondered who the voice was, I knew it had to be the Kougan Anki. What was it saying, another way? Its words, the meaning - it was so hard to comprehend. What could it be?  
  
It struck me. There must be another form. Hurriedly my mind went over my options as the other Kaoru lunged and began to jab here and there. As I absently dodged, my hands seemed to move on their own accord, into the shield form that was useless. What was I doing? Was the Kougan Anki taking over, guiding me? I leapt up, and aimed the shield face at the figure on the ground. So far, it seemed. I wondered what this form would do, but I had no time to ask the Kougan Anki. I had to get out of here. This was my only chance.  
  
My heart couldn't suppress the pang of guilt I tried to swallow when the other Kaoru on the ground looked up, wide-eyed with realization, just before his life ended. Maybe, if things had been otherwise, we might become a pair of twins. Then, the Terror would have a force to reckon with! But I couldn't have it - no, him - get in the way. I shouted for the Kougan Anki to shoot, and it did instantly. Thousands of sharp little shrapnel rained down, blinding the ring with smoke and dust. I landed quickly, cast a glance to my side and shuddered. My copy was right side up, his Kougan Anki far away, and his eyes a blank white. He was dead. It was frightening, seeing myself dead on the floor.  
  
Now was no time to marvel and preen at my own dead body. For a moment, I hesitated, and then took the golden cross carefully from around my copy's neck. Putting it around my own, I patted it and then took a leap and jumped out of the hole that the copy of Mikagami had made. It wasn't particularly far, so I landed gracefully and took off in the direction I figured was towards the entrance, by the way that the buildings were set up to lead to it. At the sound of the explosion that the sixth form (I decided to call it the Sixth Form, Amefuri, or the rainstorm) of the Kougan Anki had made, and I ducked behind a door. Crawling on my hands and knees, I went past the building without getting caught. I took a glance at the wall that surrounded the entire compound. It wasn't high, at least not impossible to climb - not as high as some of the walls I had to climb as a child stealing food from the kitchens. I transformed my Madougu into the second form and began to swing it up when something sharp pointed into my back. Not good. Sharp meant weapon.  
  
I turned slowly, and met Mikagami's eyes. No, my mind pleaded with reality. Anyone but him. I don't want to fight him again. Anyone but him. I can't kill him; I have to get him to the battlefield. Everyone's counting on me. I can't let them down. I don't want to kill Mikagami, even if he is a copy. He's still a real Mikagami, right? He's just acting strange, that's all. I can't kill him.  
  
"Tell me", the voice that was not Mikagami's asked me, "why do you avoid touching the Ensui?"  
  
I tilted my head to one side to think for a moment. Why would that man, Mori Kouran (I presumed it was HIM who was controlling Mikagami at the moment) ask such a question? Still, I answered as readily as I could. "Because I was afraid it would take me as its new master." There came a rather amused looked from Mikagami's face, both scornful and sinuous. I shuddered; it didn't look like Mikagami at all. "And though I know it's a little selfish that I might be qualified for a second Madougu, I can't rule out that possibility. I want Mikagami to continue using the Ensui, mostly because he deserves it more than I ever would. I don't.I don't want him to change", I trailed off uncertainly, and saw a flicker of interest come into the eye on the hilt of the Ensui.  
  
"But Mikagami HAS changed, has he not? He has lost his confidence in himself and his abilities ever since YOU left." I squirmed at the accented words, and he seemed to grow taller, more menacing. "It is due to you that he has changed so much."  
  
These words had such a ring of truth to them that I took a step back. Even though I knew this already, I had never truly wanted to believe it. Mikagami, the person I loved, was hurt the most by ME; how could I have ever hurt him so? Guilt overtook me like a wave, and I shivered with the sudden chill that seemed to blow straight to my heart. I was heartless, wasn't I, having forced this humiliation on Mikagami. Looking back, I was quite sure that Kurei probably wouldn't have killed Mikagami, much to my exaggeration. After all, Mikagami WAS a key Madougu master, and to kill him would mean to train an entirely new student. A flush of embarrassment took over my features, and I felt ashamed of myself. My mistake seemed so LARGE, now. And yet I still took advantage of that same Mikagami back in my prison cell! I could dig a hole with the Kougan Anki and hide forever, I felt.  
  
"Yes", I replied slowly, and grew more confident as I spoke. "Mikagami HAS changed because of me. The blame is on me that Mikagami lost self-assurance. However, that is even more reason to get the old Mikagami back, the one I can talk to and relate to. Because the original Mikagami is now dead, the copy in front of me now should serve as my penance. I have to apologize to ANY Mikagami Tokiya, whether or not he's a copy or not. I guess it's just.", I trailed off again, and left the word "love" unsaid. I though Mori Kouran would probably somehow warp that to his own advantage.  
  
"And who do you think is controlling Mikagami now?"  
  
"Mori Kouran, of course!", I answered promptly, and was met by a soft burst of laughter. Apparently, somehow I was WRONG.  
  
"You are quite mistaken, Kaoru Koganei." The entity (well, if it wasn't Mori Kouran, who WAS it? Him? Maybe even HER? The voice sure didn't sound like a girl) gave another chuckle. "My name is Ensui. Can you guess why the sword has an eye on it?"  
  
I sat down hard. Okay, so maybe that was a rather large blow to me. All this time, I had been thinking it was Mori Kouran, only to find now that it was the Ensui, Mikagami's own sword - which, of course, made no sense. Why would a sword control it's possessor? To be able to move around places? But why would it do that? So many years had passed, and the Ensui hadn't complained about masters controlling it; after all, it should understand that it was created purely TO BE used, and not to have a will or say of its own. Mikagami - or, rather, Ensui - seemed to find this amusing. I couldn't help but glare up at him, then grew a little confused as I stared into the face of Mikagami. Why was I staring at Mikagami again? I blushed and looked back down.  
  
Again, this seemed to amuse Ensui, or Mikagami. I clutched my head in agony. Just WHAT WAS I supposed to call him anyway?? Ensui? THE Ensui? You stupid sword? Hey-you-stop-possessing-Mikagami-and-give him- back-now-or-I'll-slice-you? As he raised a hand out to me to lift me to my feet, I mentally wondered: does Ensui usually help people up or is it just because it's me? Did it mean that maybe Ensui would let Mikagami go? I stared hopefully from the face to the eye on the sword. For a moment I contemplated digging it out with my Kougan Anki, but then decided against it. I didn't know for sure what would happen if I DID do that, and if it ended up rendering the Ensui useless, it wouldn't do any good at all.  
  
"Tell me", and the Ensui's voice sounded suspiciously friendly, "if you want Mikagami back, what would you do? Is this an act of repentance, or is there another reason?"  
  
The answer popped out of my mouth before I could stop it. "Because I love him, I love you!"  
  
The Ensui fell from nerveless hands.  
  
* * *  
  
I had heard the boy correctly, right? I wasn't mistaking that tone of voice, that particular choice of words, was I? From my hands fell something that his eyes flickered down to watch as it clattered on the pavement, and then they looked back to my face. How familiar that face was! Those eyes, large, brown, that matched his hair. The uniform he wore! I looked down and was met by a matching set of black slacks, and turtleneck, though the boy did not have a jacket. Slowly I lifted my hand - how foreign it felt, like I had not used it for years - and touched the golden badge on my chest. 'Substitary In-Charge of the Academy of Elemental Weapons and Users' was what it read. I almost expected a 'copyrighted 548BC' behind it, and chuckled as the sound of an almost forgotten voice entered my mind, telling a familiar joke. And just as I began to laugh, I stopped - who did this voice belong to. Somehow, it was entirely familiar, but like an unused tool, I had forgotten where I had put the name. It was so close, just on the tip of my tongue - and yet I couldn't seem to remember it.  
  
And suddenly, I was aware of another fact: just who the heck was I? As that particular question popped into my mind, a thunderous pile of questions burdened my head all at once. Where was I? Who the heck was the boy standing in front of me, looking like he was either going to kill me or hug me? Who was the owner of the voice I had heard? I would catch flashes of memories, never enough to determine who it was. I would look left and see, in the corner of my mind's eye, a flash of dark, midnight hair. I would turn and there would be no one there. I stumbled around my memory for a few moments, catching glimpses of half-memories: the green/blue of intense eyes, the silver armband spiraled with flames, a golden cross, a familiar golden cross and a pair of gentle eyes.  
  
I think somehow the thought must have teleported to the other boy's mind, but he seemed to realize what I was thinking, and lifted the exact gold cross from around his neck and placed it in my hand. For a brief moment, he seemed to be thinking about what to say, but then gave a (rather cute) fanged grin that made me smile involuntarily. "Well, I thought it belonged to you, Mikagami." And while he continued to grin up at me, I fingered the metal of the gold cross absently. It was warm, like this boy was. Seeing him, I had the distinct feeling of deja-vu - that I was seeing something I wasn't supposed to be seeing? Behind us, I heard a sound, and instincts willed me to turn. But what instincts? How - how did I know to duck that arrow that flew over my head to embed itself above my head? To my head, there were the soft fairy lights of images - what were they?  
  
A hand grabbed my arm. I looked down partway to see the boy looking at me. Quite tall, he was, especially up close. To my mind there came a surge of something like parental affection, and the thought 'you've grown so tall..' came to mind. "Time to go!", he chirruped, and instantly I was reminded of a sparrow. Quite an energetic one, because before I could fully comprehend what was happening, he had lifted me up and thrown me over the wall. A moment, he landed next to me, and in his hand was the object I had dropped. He pushed it into my hands. "Yours, Mikagami."  
  
I shuddered and dropped it.  
  
The boy stared at me.  
  
Slowly, slowly I bent and picked it up. I convulsed again as I felt that 'presence' at the back of my mind. Once upon a time, it might've been that I was comfortable with it, but now I tried to get as far away from it as I could. Yet, I could feel - this thing had intruded on MY territory, my mind and controlled my actions - possessed me, possibly? And even as I feared that THING that had invaded my mind, I felt it was the only key, the only possible solution to everything I WAS, and HAD BEEN before its takeover. I could feel a sort of life pulsing in that ornate bone handle. It was dangerous - I slipped it absently into my pocket quickly and avoided brushing my hand against it as the boy and I ran from the place we had come out of. But the presence was not gone from my mind, and I knew that I'd have to use that presence. It was the only fitting key, ancient and old, that would fit in the lock that was my memory. I looked over at the boy that was leading me, his hand still clutched around my wrist. I'd remember him someday, I promised myself. I could feel he was important. For him, I'd remember everything. 


	12. Return

Eh, for the fighting, hope you know all of the Kougan Anki's six forms well.  
  
Ch.12: Return  
  
So close, so close.  
  
But yet so far away. I couldn't reach Mikagami now. The Ensui had done something to him, to make him lose his memory. I could bitterly laugh; amnesia would be very nice right now. I could forget a lot of things that I didn't particularly want to remember, mainly about the still- taller man who stood beside me now, staring down into the valley of flames like I was. I couldn't quite read his face; the expression was unlike anything I had seen on Mikagmi's face before. Restrained, it seemed. And sad. So sorrowful.  
  
I guess I could understand that. There were a whole lot of things I wouldn't want to forget. And just one of those good memories were worth countless bad ones. I guess if forgot everything that has happened on my life so far, even the bad things, I'd be pretty sad too. All my accomplishments, what I had spent my life doing so far.all gone, unrevivable. Mikagami - in time, he'd remember what I'd done to him. And when he did, I'd say I'm sorry, and I'd make it up to him. I'd help him remember everything. That was the least I could do for him. For the first time in the last few years I swore under my breath, just a single word, but Mikagami turned to me quickly and said absentmindedly, "No coarse language, please." A few moments later he realized just what he had done, and inwardly I smiled. The old Mikagami habits were still intact.  
  
I knew that the Ensui had given me what I wanted. I had the old Mikagami back, right? Just that he was inequipped for the war we were facing now, and that every time I opened my mouth he would stare at me and look concentrated on my voice and try to remember my name. I could still talk to Mikagami like I used to, right? There was no one to stop me now, no Academy factions that kept us apart. I could continue to adore and idolize him like I used to. We could go back to that old routine, and no one would tell us we were wrong.  
  
It was a new chance. I think the Ensui also wanted to give me something else: a chance. With Mikagami's memory gone, I could pretend I was his lover or something. It would be deceiving, and I could always claim that that part of his memory was never revived. But it wouldn't be fair to him, especially if I wasn't the one he loved. He'd feel obligated to his past, and I was honest towards him. I wouldn't tell a lie to Mikagami, as much as it was tempting. But Mikagami was lost right now. I'd lead him home, but he wouldn't recognize it. I'd help him in any way I could, and in the end I don't know if he'd ever remember me, or anything.  
  
Perhaps the Ensui was the answer. Perhaps it was the ONLY answer.  
  
The valley below us was riveted with fire. The remnants of tents and sleeping bags withstood the flames with an almost godlike invicibility. I knew instantly that they had probably been fireproofed by the Tekkou, Recca's weapon. A white figure unwrapped bandages from both of his arms and shot them into the nearest tent, enveloping it into inflammable paper. One by one, the tents were put out by people visiting the stream with buckets, old-fashioned, or spraying the last of the fire extinguishers at the flames. Finally, the fires were put out, and the tents were gathered. Sleeping bags were tucked on top, and the straggling figures picked up their packs and moved on, stomping out campfires and scattering new dust over their tracks. All of this was done with the sense of resigned-ness, the feeling of an inevitable end that would come. I watched them with sorrow. Where had all the excitement, the exuberance gone?  
  
A rustle behind me. Quickly it was blocked by Mikagami, who seemed to find his abilities for the moment, and forced the attacker back. My eyes narrowed at this intruder's eyes: they were unfocused, yellow, and seemed to be stricken by some kind of sickness. This was no human - he was some kind of possessed THING that was probably what the Terror sent to retrieve Mikagami. I smirked lightly because if this was all it could do, then the Terror, or Mori Kouran, or whatever was controlling the thing, would be nicely disappointed. If they thought that this little thing could take back Mikagami, they were wrong. A fierce protectiveness grew in me, but I leapt back when the human/thing began to glow. Stepping back, I felt Mikagami's hand behind me, almost fearfully, and on a sudden surge of affection I picked up his hand and held it to my cheek. Not quite rough but not smooth at all, it made me lean against it just for a moment. It offered more comfort than anything else, just the warmth of his skin against my cheek. Then I dropped it unceremoniously, almost as if to say "don't get in my way, okay?".  
  
Mikagami's safety was my first priority here. We were only a little ways from the rest of the students. I wasn't sure why their tents had been set on fire but Mikagami would know to run down and get them if this THING was anything I couldn't handle. Giving a soft snarl, my hands transformed the Kougan Anki into first form. No chance of the fifth form here, a swift and painless death. Go, I felt like urging Mikagami, go and run to Raiha or Saicho or Gashakura. Get away from the danger. But I didn't say anything; if Mikagami was somehow separated from the other students by other hiding troops in these woods, then he would be in danger. I had to look after him. I chuckled lightly to myself. He probably still didn't know my name, even.  
  
The.THING (well, it didn't have a name, so I just decided to call it 'THING' for lack of anything better) had transformed into some kind of furry, four-legged animal. A rather large change from the two feet a human was supposed to be walk on. It had a whole lot of red fur and a black mane and really, really sharp teeth and claws. Ouch. In other words, he was very, very ugly. Some kinda cross between a gorilla, a lion and a.well, I wasn't quite sure. A horse? 'Monster' described it perfectly.  
  
I looked down at my weapon. First form wouldn't do for something like this. Quickly I twisted it into fourth form and threw the Miyazaki. It flew and nicked the side of the monster's shoulder. Apparently it had moved. I frowned; it was probably fast as well. This was becoming difficult to judge. The close woods provided no quarter - who could move against the trees with a fairly large animal blocking your way. There was no way I could use the second form or my new Amefuri, the sixth form, here because there was nowhere to swing my chain and sickle, and no place to jump up. The first form was mostly for defense, to test an opponent. It sounded like my best option for now. I transformed it quickly and waited at the ready.  
  
The THING didn't seem to notice me at all. It paced as much as it could in the little space, and licked it paws. It looked like a very obedient dog as it scratched itself, and I imagined if it was a bit smaller and its features weren't so damn (oops, Mikagami would have my head thinking a bad word) SHARP, it'd actually be cute enough to be some stuffed teddy bear somewhere. It certainly had enough hair to last five people. And as the woods were quiet and I was concentrated on the monster and the surrounding to make sure nothing jumped Mikagami and took him down, I heard something. Like a really creaky old voice, or something along those lines. And as I tuned into it, the monster seemed to notice me for the first time. I barely had a second before its claws felled the tree behind me. I gave a weak smile that was completely overshadowed by just how TALL that stupid THING was. "Hey", I taunted, hoping it would bring the owner of that voice out into the open, "your pet sure has long nails, old man!"  
  
A hoarse chuckle met my ears. A bent old figure stepped out into the light, and revealed whiskery brows and a beard. The hair was all white, and to me, the figure seemed to be wanting to blind me with something. I heard the old grandpa laugh again, and call out something I recognized. Quickly I turned behind me and shoved Mikagami to one side before a green ray blasted the stump of a tree behind me and turned it into miniscule sizes.  
  
As the light faded, I glanced quickly at the staff in the old man's hands. Just as I thought. The Mugen, the Shrinker. But why would such a dangerous weapon be in this man's hands? I readied myself and Mikagami for another command, but nothing came. I straightened and used all of my strength to block a swipe from the lion/gorilla/horse THING and felt Mikagami shift to the side. Over my shoulder, I took a glance, and saw helplessly that the old man had given Mikagami a nice slash over his sword arm shoulder. Quickly I threw the THING back and examined the fallen Ensui master-no-more. Taking the ragged shreds of my jacket from my pocket, I gave shoved the blue mess into his hands, told him "bandage it" and stood in front of him protectively. I was facing a man and a beast. Which one strike first?, a fake announcer voice spoke in my head. I swapped it quickly; this was NOT some kind of talk show here.  
  
"Kaoru.", came the soft, husky voice of Mikagami behind me. I whirled around, facing him. His face seemed so lost, like the time I woke up in the middle of the night to find him curled up next to me like a forlorn puppy. He seemed so much like a child, and the words brought the forbidden memory of the pagoda and all its events to mind. Half-turning my back to make sure that the two didn't make any surprise moves on me, I cut through the fabric gently and bound his shoulder with a gentleness I had kept all this last year unused, reserved only for him. I'm sure he, or maybe the memories locked inside of him somewhere, was surprised at this, because his eyes grew a little wide and clouded at this, as if he remembered something else. And as I finished, his head fell against my shoulder. I ran through my fingers through his hair slowly, savoring every bit of the connection we had: the hand that I slid over his; his forehead against my cheek, asking for comfort; my fingers stroking his hair.  
  
And slowly, just so the dream would end gently, I put his face in my hands and leaned him against a tree and covered him with the Oboro. I said something I couldn't quite remember, something about his wound and that he should rest, and my hands found the hilt of the Kougan Anki. It felt warm, sympathetic with my position now, but it was no substitute for Mikagami. Nevertheless, I picked it up, and I turned my eyes away from him and stood in a defensive pose for whatever those bastards (again, Mikagami would have my head if he heard that kind of language spoken under HIS roof; he seemed to have cured me of my bad habits until the two months I spent alone before I found him again) had in store for me. I could feel his warm, soft gaze against my back, wondering, vulnerable, and my grip grew on my Kougan Anki in determination.  
  
"Hmm", the old man gave a deceiving smile, "now, kill him slowly, Shiju."  
  
The thing rushed at me, and we locked weapons. Quickly I transformed it into third form and gave a snip at the shoulder. It roared in pain and backed away again. Inwardly I smirked. There. Mikagami's wound was avenged. "Hey!", I called over to the old man, "that THING have a name? Stupid, or something?"  
  
The old man chuckled at my intentional mistake of making 'Shiju' turn into 'Stupid'. In fact, I had heard the old man's words fine. But that last blow from the THING had taken a bit out of me, and seeing I was probably no other way, I bent the Kougan Anki into the sixth form, then quickly into the fifth form. The monster lunged at me again, and I blocked it with the golden boy. I could feel the Kougan Anki cry out under my hands; it couldn't take the pressure that the monster was forcing down on it. Give me a minute, Madougu, I urged it silently. Lend me just a bit more of your strength so I can push him back. The two of us struggled a bit more, but then, to my chagrin, the Kougan Anki began to bend under the monster's weight. Apparently whatever 'special alchemy' that it had been formed from wasn't quite as stable as before.  
  
The old man began to laugh. I began to frown. Mikagami began to worry. Who knew what the monster was doing? Following orders, I guess.  
  
I couldn't wait anymore. It was too dangerous. Quickly I whipped the Kougan Anki away and drew one of the red jewels from the hilt. In a flash I pierced it against the tip of the bow and threw it as far up as I could. All four pairs of eyes watched it fly up, up, up, and I prayed that it would do what I wanted it to do -  
  
And finally, it exploded into a flare. That flare would last a few minutes, I knew, up in the air before it disappeared into the trees. The Academy students would all know what it was; I had another few on my hilt, but I had to be careful. All the Academy students had these, to call for help, or to lay a trap for the enemy by exploding it elsewhere and thus hiding their positions. It was given to all the students as they attended Strategy class, and we were all taught how to use them. They could be used to confuse an enemy if it was exploded during a battle, or if it was thrown it could blow your opponent to pieces. Literally, it was a bomb, and it was used as such.  
  
The old man gave the tactic a chuckle, and I tensed. Was this some sort of new trick? And just as I anticipated, the THING began to glow again, and it grew sharp horns out of the shoulder joints. I shuddered. What would be modified next? A prickly tail? It was certainly possible. What, like one of those old dinosaurs, Ick-whatever it was?  
  
"Oh, I don't think it'll take that long for me to kill you." Another finely humored laugh. "By the time they get here, you'll be dead, and Mikagami will be taken, again. What a pity he doesn't remember you."  
  
I growled as Mikagami seemed to cower away from the true fact. I was torn three ways: I could take a run for it, I could stay and fight, or I could tell Mikagami to run. More than ever, I wanted to knock that old man's block off; he had pissed me off greatly. How DARE he prey on Mikagami like that. I gave a quickly glance back and immediately ducked, for that THING had just given me some trouble. Little by little, it forced me to the other side of the clearing, where the old man was waiting. I gritted my teeth; I knew what it was doing. It was drawing me away from Mikagami so some other troops could carry him off. When I snuck a quick glance back, I could see that Mikagami was gone. Damn! Already taken. And what would Raiha say?  
  
The old man drew to the other side of me. Inside, I panicked. I was cornered in a lock against that THING and that man was looking to aim me with the Mugen. I'd have nowhere else to go! I said my prayers quickly and as the man shouted the command, I thrust the THING into the impending light of the Shrinker. As expected, the monster shrunk to an impossibly small size to see with naked eyes. Just for a good measure, I stomped down several times where I had seen it last, and hoped I had squashed it. It wouldn't have really mattered, really; even if that Shiju thing had come back to kill me, I doubt its less-than-one-millimeter nails would get very far into my skin. A pin-scrape was more like it.  
  
But I wasn't about to get confident. This old man was good. I frowned. I wished that I had the Mirror to reflect things; that would've worked. But that girl - what was her name? - a third-year had it. And if it was coming to see me, it would've come by now. I had given up hope on the flare that had just dipped into the tree line. The Academy students could move faster than this - someone should've been here by now. My mind reeled with possibilities: could they have been so dense in foliage that they hadn't seen it? Maybe they thought it was a trap and decided against coming over here. Maybe they were too far away. One way or the other, they weren't here now.  
  
I spoke - or rather thought - too soon, because before I could do anything, footsteps sounded behind me and a hand grabbed my shoulder and threw me behind whoever it was. My grip tightened on the Kougan Anki, thinking it was probably one of the extra troops, maybe hoping to bring me back as well as a bonus or something. But to my surprise, I found myself staring into a coat of red with a black belt and impeccably shiny shoes. For a moment I didn't recognize, but then to my utmost astonishment, I saw it could only be one person: Kurei.  
  
The man who had separated Mikagami and I raise his left hand, and from his palm there came a magnificent dragon. I stared at it openmouthed in awe as it reared against the sky. I seemed Kurei had some pretty attacks with that thing, because after a moment it incinerated the old man. Effortlessly he called back the dragon back into him, and just stood there, as if he were waiting, waiting for something. And then, all around me, there came the rustle of leaves, the crunch of twigs underfoot, and the passing of shrubbery. All around me, the rest of the Academy students emerged, silent and fearful of the little pile of ashes that had one been the old man. A soft sound at the tree where I had last seen Mikagami was heard. I whirled around and faced nothing, but then a soft, smooth and familiar voice called out "Oboro", and the veil of invisibility was lifted. Tsukishiro was there, his hand over Mikagami's mouth to silence him, and his face pained. A closer look revealed that Mikagami had instinctively bitten into his hand.  
  
A hand on my shoulder drew me around. A still-taller figure was there, his dark hair shining brightly in the moonlight. His other hand was drawn over his shoulder, grasping the hilt of his Madougu. He was dressed as I had last seen him, in dark clothes lined with white, but underneath I could see he still wore the customary shirt and slacks of the Academy. I seized Raiha with an embrace that no doubtedly squeezed the life out of him, though he did not complain. As I backed away, I could see the many other faces of all the people I had studied with, argued with, trained with - these were the students of the Academy students, the people who still wore the coat-of-arms that adorned the top left of the turtleneck proudly, like a medal of honor.  
  
An indescrible happiness seemed to fill me at the moment. I felt like going to each and every one of them and hug them till they died of suffocation from being hugged so long. But I stayed there, rooted to the spot, my eyes shining with something like joyful tears, and every face seemed to soften and say "welcome back to the family, kid". Yeah, I was a kid, and I hated being called that. But, right now, I didn't really care. It sounded like an affectionate pet name coming from them now. I could laugh, I could cry, I felt like I was capable of a million emotions right now. Even Kurei's face seemed friendly under the light.  
  
"Welcome home", Raiha said softly, and I smiled through happy tears. 


	13. A Toast To Life And Its Many Complexitie...

Ch.13: A Toast To Life And Its Many Complexities  
  
"Why was the place burning?", I asked as they set up camp where we were at and cleaned away the old man (later I found out his name was Genjuro, but that was besides the point). "Did Kurei accidentally set it on fire or something?"  
  
Raiha laughed, and every head turned to look at Yanagi's tent, which was also the First Aid tent. There came an alarmed yelp as Yanagi and Misora were no doubt treating Mikagami's slash. I turned away with a smile; Mikagami was going to get it from those two. But they'd probably have to tie him down and gag him if they were going to get anywhere with Mikagami. Everyone turned back to their work, including Raiha and I, who were pitching up another tent, a spare that Gashakura had carried for the entire time - it was nothing compared to the weight of his armor. Speaking of the Spider-Madougu-master, he was away with Tsukishiro right now, bent on demolishing the castle Mikagami and I had escaped from. The two of them had gone the moment I mentioned the location. I figured, though, that Mori Kouran, if he was still alive, was probably well away by then. Still, it would give the Enemy one less place to return to. "No, the villagers tried to burn it down. However, everything has been spelled fireproof by the Tekkou, so we were generally saved a whole lot of damage." Raiha laughed softly, the sound echoing in the night. "What a mess that would have caused!"  
  
We had just pitched the tent when Neon came over, dragging a protesting Mikagami and thrusting the poor guy into Raiha, who caught the Ensui master dumbfoundedly. "Koganei, Kurei wants to talk with you." She gave me a glance, and I knew that whatever Kurei wanted to hear was probably my little story about the last two months or so. A random question entered my thought, and I gave a little laugh. I was wondering about the tent I had pitched in the blizzard the day before I was supposed to leave the mountain and search for clues elsewhere. I wondered if someone had found it still standing, or maybe it was filled with snow by now. There certainly wasn't any snow here, now that I paid attention to it. It was probably too low in elevation for snow to fall.  
  
Kurei was looking at something on his arm when I came in. When the tent flap opened, he covered it quickly with his sleeve and motioned to a seat. There was a box that served as a table, but it was bare. As far as I could tell, Kurei was probably a very stingy man, spending only what needed to be spent. I growled under my breath. He probably used people like water, though.  
  
As expected, he asked me about my travel from the last two months in the mountains, how I survived, how I became frustrated, and how the memory of Mikagami kept me going. I answered that I had viewed the Kalara Pass, through the Sedna Range as well as the Sayalami Mountains. I named a hundred different places, and told him I found nothing in each, and figured that Raiha had meant somewhere else. When I was done, Kurei told me where Mikagami had been hidden, frozen, in the south where they made the best clocks in the world and during the winter it snowed and sleeted daily at four o'clock sharp. Thus, the ice and the clock. Kurei criticized Raiha's actions of telling the rest of the town just where Mikagami was - instead of telling me privately, he had told the entire population of the city, which could very easily include many of the Terror's spies. They had gotten to Mikagami first and copied him. I squirmed at his strict scolding, but I could tell that somehow, he was relieved I was back.  
  
In return, he told me of Raiha, Fuuko, and the other members of the team that had been sent to counter the mob at the Academy in a futile attempt to save it - of their escape. Tsukishiro had remained to inform them, and finally one night, he managed to have the prisoners of the last prison cell down the hall to escape while he got all of the guards asleep, or smuggled them out one by one during guard change. They joined the frontline only a week before I arrived, and Kurei expressed that Raiha was extremely worried because he believed that I had been captured or something. He did not hide his consternation that I had been looking in the incorrect place for two months.  
  
However, when the subject turned to Mikagami's amnesia, Kurei seemed to stop and think. I knew the wheels in his head were turning, and somehow, I got the distinct feeling that I wouldn't like what he was thinking up. Maybe he was thinking of kicking me out for letting Mikagami lose his memory. Maybe he thought I shouldn't have woken Mikagami up from Ensui. Maybe he thought I should have left Mikagami back in Mori Kouran's palace or something, though this seemed very unlikely. However, what he schemed up was even worse than all of my predictions put together.  
  
"Mikagami has lost his memory, you say?" I nodded slowly, not trusting myself to say anything until I had heard what he said, so then I could protest it (darn, I hated that man. Even though I wasn't supposed to bring home arguments on the battlefield, I couldn't help it - he had made me hurt Mikagami, and that was like killing God to me) better. "Well, if he has lost his memory, he is useless." My mind tightened at what he said. "I guess the only thing we can do with a useless person is to kill him."  
  
To kill Mikagami? To kill one of his own side's members? Was this man heartless? The idea, just the pure increduousity of it, rang around in my head like a million laughing clowns that jeered at me. Slowly, I shook my head, as if trying to wipe my thoughts of it. Kill Mikagami? That wasn't possible, that wasn't fair, my mind rang with a million different pointless reasons but was this real? Could Kurei really be saying this or was this just some kind of joke? But his face remained stoic and emotionless. He wasn't kidding. I couldn't believe it. What - what was he thinking -  
  
Repressed anger for this man who stood before me seemed to rise up before my eyes in a crimson mist. I had no Kougan Anki with me, but even if I had it and lost badly, I knew I'd take a piece of this man with me. How - how could he suggest such a ludicrous thing? It was -impossible-. He was wrong, my mind denied. This wasn't the only path for Mikagami - I couldn't have save him for no reason - it wasn't fair to him, wasn't fair to the war, wasn't fair to ME -  
  
Slamming my palms on the box table, I asked him in the calmest, most dangerous voice I could muster, "Just what the HELL do you have against Mikagami ANYWAY?"  
  
And to my chagrin, he did nothing but stare at me. "I'm serious about this", was what his answer finally was. I knocked the box table through the side of his tent, ripping a gaping hole to let many curious student eyes peer at the argument inside. I paid them no notice, but stared at him with as much hatred I could muster in one cold, hard gaze. I continued along this vein, keeping silent but just mentally shooting as many sharp, bloodthirsty daggers into his heart as I could. He seemed not to notice, but said matter-of-factly, "These are the usual process for discarding blank cards, Koganei." Suddenly he seemed to view me with amusement, and my anger grew so hard to suppress that I had to look down away from him so that I wouldn't punch in the face just right there and then. "Perhaps you're just scared of the truth, Koganei."  
  
"And I went through all of that trouble to end up with nothing?", I trembled, dangerously pushed to the edge of the knife etched 'anger'. "You're just going to throw him away after what he's able to do with the Ensui?" When he seemed unperturbed, I continued, and devilishly added, "Would you kill Raiha the same way, or would you act like your own sneaky self and throw him away like you'd do to Mikagami?"  
  
THAT got to him. He stiffened at the thought, and looked at me sharply. But he didn't answer. I knew he'd stick to his answer, and to bring Raiha into this was unnecessary. However, at the moment, I didn't care. I just wanted to KILL the man, wanted to rip his throat out and crush him with my bare hands, kill him as horribly as the worst torturer in history -  
  
"I would sacrifice him if necessary" was his answer, "and I know that I must have the agreement of the rest of the students who are fighting before I perform this act. However, like any little child, I think you're just afraid of yourself and your weapon, Koganei."  
  
I jerked upright to meet his eyes definantly. What, did he WANT to make fun of me. "Ha!", I laughed, and the harsh laughter sounded strangely foreign to my own ears, even though it came from myself, "you sound like a child yourself when you say that!" I watched him bristle with anger, and continued, "Perhaps you're just afraid of what'll happen when Mikagami gets back his self-confidence and beats you senseless, eh Kurei?" I gave another laugh, and saw his hackles rise like a dog's.  
  
"I would kill Mikagami in a moment if the need arose, Koganei. I will do whatever it is to ensure the safety of this country and of my fellow students and comrades whom I have studied with for the last five years." Wow, I smirked inwardly, didn't know Kurei was THAT old. "YOU, on the other hand, have not fully comprehended what it is to be part of the Academy, and of its greatness."  
  
I barked a harsh laugh at reality itself. "The Academy is DEAD, Kurei."  
  
My words brought a hush over the silence of the crowd that had gathered outside to listen to the argument. I knew it was akin to a death- knell for them, and so it was for me as well. But while Kurei realized the need for human death, I realized the need for human life, and that was what made us enemies. "You don't see that things need to live, Kurei", I said calmly, and I meant it. "You only see that things live to die. I see things as the journey to live. Dying is only the last part of your life. Why worry about it while you're still living? People are put here to treasure life, not to enforce death -"  
  
And suddenly I knew I had said the wrong thing. Kurei's face seemed to twist horribly into a horrible expression, and I took a step back at the malice in his face. Gently, deceivingly caressingly, he whispered silkily, "What makes you think I don't value life, Koganei?" I was struck speechless. The thought "I don't know anything about his past" occurred to me, and his face seemed to 'give up' slowly. "I know what life is, Koganei. You haven't experienced death yet, Golden Boy." He reached out to ruffle my hair.  
  
I slapped it away. "Why do you not think I don't understand what life and death is, Kurei?", I spat, and the instant of Mikagami's sword in a silver arc to kill me flashed through my mind, and the resignedness that came with it. "Why have I survived so long after being on the streets, Kurei?" When he did not answer, I replied for him. "Because I wanted to learn to live. When you're on the streets, there's only death. You're not really living if you kill all day long like I used to." A collective gasp came from outside of the tent. "It wasn't until Mikagami plucked me from the streets did I start living in a place I could actually call home."  
  
"So this some kind of penance, Golden Boy?", Kurei asked, but his face did not scorn me. It simply was asking a question, but still I tense. This was Kurei. There HAD to be some ulterior motive behind it. "Are you trying to save Mikagami like he save you back then? Some kind of savior worship?"  
  
"Of course not!", I shouted, unable to hold back my voice anymore. "Mikagami was my first friend. I think I've saved him enough to pay a thousand penances, thanks." I drew another breath, slow, muggy and heavy in my lungs. "It's never what I do that matters, Kurei, because it's always power=hungry freaks like you that manage to take advantage of my accomplishments and bring it all down to nothing!"  
  
His voice rose as well. "You ARE trying to save him!"  
  
Like no duh I was. Like hell I wouldn't stand up for Mikagami. "Of course I am!", I screamed back at him, and saw his face turn to surprise. "He's INNOCENT. You think he LOST HIS MEMORY ON PURPOSE??" He opened his mouth to speak, but I cut him off. "Thank the ENSUI for that. Mikagami is completely blameless!"  
  
"But if what you say is true, then this Mikagami is ONLY a copy", he interjected before I could yell at him anymore. "A copy is not the original, Kaoru."  
  
"It's better than nothing!", I shouted challengingly to his face. A myriad of emotions passed through his eyes, and I swore I could even see fear in his face at that moment. Suddenly I was struck how much Kurei was HUMAN. He lived, breathed, and certainly looked like one. Maybe he had some kind of personal trauma, like a death or something. I couldn't judge him. But if this was on some personal vendetta against Mikagami, I wasn't holding for it.  
  
"He's useless either way!", he said finally. "He is without memory of his extensive training from the Academy, and we cannot use him. We will just have to kill him, Kaoru!"  
  
A soft sound came from behind me, something between a sob and a gasp. "So, then", the voice I loved so well spoke, "I must die, then.Kurei." I turned and was faced by Mikagami, and was rendered speechless. A flush of guilt came through me - I had just been talking about him behind his back.  
  
He repeated the name. "Kurei", he said slowly, and in his face, it was like the sudden breaking of the sun. "I remember.", and I turned quickly to him. He remembered Kurei? The said Flame master seemed as surprised as I was. And then, a hardened look came into Mikagami's eyes. "I know who you are now", he said with a confidence that had been lacking for over a year. "You are Kurei, aren't you?"  
  
So, I said to myself, trembling with something between pain and fear, he remembers his worst rival and forgets me. And with that last thought in mind, I ran out of the tent, oblivious to the voices that followed me like ghosts that called my name. 


	14. A Toast To Death And Its Many Complexiti...

This chapter is in Raiha's POV. And if you're curious about Kurei's past - that'll be in my next epic, after I write this one. That one will be a sort of sequel/prequel that involves Kurei, Recca and Mikagami rather than all about Kaoru.  
  
Ch.14: A Toast To Death And All Its Complexities  
  
I was more than positive that Kaoru was crying when he ran out of the tent. As soon as it was certain that Kaoru was out of sight, the whispers began, hushed through the few hundred students that were with us now. I wanted to yell at them to shut up, tell them that it wasn't Kaoru's fault, or Mikagami's fault, or Kurei's fault. If they wanted to blame someone, or they wanted to gossip, let them gossip to the Terror. But as usual, I kept my calm and hustled them off to their individual tents, which filled the very small clearing and the woods beyond. When we saw the blood on Mikagami's jacket, we were afraid that he was too injured to be moved anywhere. Of course, it later just turned out to be a light scratch, but everyone had already set up camp by then and it was late, so we loathed to move to a new location, even if we were suddenly attacked during the night or something.  
  
Mikagami brushed past me, his eyes searching the woods. I didn't stop him; I knew he was out to find Kaoru. Mikagami still had his old habits, after all, and if I knew him right, he was out to find Kaoru because he instinctively knew that it was something he said that had make Kaoru run out like that. And knowing Mikagami, he would probably find Kaoru - not because he had good tracking skills, but because he could FEEL where people were. It was an inborn talent, to be able to sense where people are at certain times, almost a precognition. Silently, I wished him luck; Kaoru could be quite hard to find when he felt like hiding.  
  
I entered into the tent. Kurei was still there, of course, his head in his hands, looking more defeated than I had ever seen him. There were still people at the hole in the tent, and they backed their prying eyes out respectfully as I came in. Looking around, I clipped a spare bedsheet on the laundry line that ran from one high corner of the tent to the other, and then tucked it behind the cot. This effectively sealed the tent (and the hole) from immediate view. I'd repair the tent later and that would undoubtedly cause a fuss from Kurei who would want to do it himself (but him being a horrible seamstress, either me or Kurenai would always repair his clothes), but for now, I had to deal with Kurei's distress. Righting the chair that Kaoru had knocked down in his haste, I sat down it and just waited. Kurei wasn't going to speak until he was ready, and I had all the time in the world. I'd find out what was going on when he felt like talking.  
  
Sure enough, his voice came softly to my ears, and stole away the rest of my thoughts. My friend was in distress - I had to help him. Slowly he spoke, "Was - was I too hard on him, Raiha?" Then, as he seemed to gather a desperate courage, he added, "Answer me quickly, Raiha, and honestly.  
  
I sighed. This was always Kurei's problem, a fatal flaw in his personality. "Kurei", I said truthfully, "you are always too hard on people." I continued when he promptly sighed a world-weary sigh. "Well, now that Mikagami DOES remember you, doesn't it mean that he might remember all his training with the Ensui as well?"  
  
"Of course, that's apparent NOW. It wasn't very obvious when I was talking with Koganei, though", he grumbled, and I knew he was frustrated. The rest of the Academy students wanted Recca, not Kurei. The two Flame masters were as different as day and night; one was bright, the other was dark. And when Kurei was in charge, no one listened - everyone went on their own way. Strangely now, it was the Hokage faction of Recca's that obeyed Kurei the most; even Kurei's Uruha generally did their own stuff when Kurei was giving orders. The Uruha from back home didn't love Kurei as the Hokage loved Recca; he was just a figurehead, that's all. Kurei didn't understand how to appeal to people like Recca did, and so unless people really went deep into him, they didn't understand him. Thought it was a very biased thought, if the Hokage could be nicknamed something in contrast to Uruha, they would probably be labeled the "good kids" and the Uruha the "everything else", including a outcasts, loners, people in the Academy who wanted out from all the studies and courses. The Uruha included the drug dealers, the prostitutes, and the gang leaders; the Hokage was the smart, beautiful people that everyone wanted to be. Not that wasn't bad or anything - the Hokage generally did more good deeds than the Uruha - but it made the Uruha resentful. And even though Tsukishiro, Neon, Fuuko, me, and other few figures tried to make peace between the two 'gangs', so to speak, it never worked. The two 'Flame brothers', as was nicknamed, hated each other with a passion so hot that it spread all around them. There was no no-man's land.  
  
He continued. "Mikagami wouldn't be killed, either way. Now that he remember something, he's entirely spared from that line of existence, or rather extermination, for a while at least. Not from our hands. One way or the other, he'd be an asset. He remembers bits and pieces, but nothing quite definite until now. At least he remembers something." The Flame master smiled wryly, and added, "I'm such a liar, aren't I, Raiha? You know that I wouldn't kill Mikagami even if his memory didn't come back, even if he was half-dead and in a coma. Mikagami.is very like me. We both have lost something we loved dearly, even though his wound is old and mine is new and freshly bleeding." He sighed and his hands dug into his hair further. "Raiha, no one else knows mercy from me, do they? Kaoru was an example of that. You know very well that I wouldn't kill Mikagami, but no one else knows that. How can I be honest, truthfull, WORTHY, in their eyes?" His lips twisted into a frown. "They listen to you, Raiha. They know your words and not mine. I have to tell YOU what I want THEM to do so that YOU can tell it to them. The orders don't even come from me, Raiha. They come from YOU."  
  
I ran a comforting hand down the side of his arm, rubbing it up and down as if to give warmth. "There are many ways to public opinion, Kurei. Mine isn't going to work for you." He gave a frustrated groan and shook his head like a dog. "You aren't cut out for a position like this, a leadership position like Recca could command instantly. That's why you have me and Neon. We tell the others what you cannot form words to tell them. We understand both languages, Kurei. That's why you have us."  
  
Slowly, he shook his head from side to side, as if to clear his mind. I knew that subject line was closed. "Mikagami is never useless" was what he finally said. I gave a cheerless laugh at his words. Often, I had felt the same, a sort of resentment under the awe of the things that Mikagami could do with his Ensui: twist it into shapes in the air, make it leap like fish, blow bubbles in water that look like different animals. He was a genius with water, even if he did lose his memory. Mikagami could generally do everything RIGHT, and that was why many people didn't like him. Many labeled him as a stuck-up snob who preened the classrooms with the other teachers, but that was not true. All Mikagami had was the will to do something, and he would be able to do it. That was another one of his inborn talents - to be able to concentrate. It took other people a much longer time to just turn their minds away from something.  
  
"If you didn't mean to kill him, then why did you bring it up to Kaoru? He's quite protective of Mikagami, even after you separated the two of them. He spied on Mikagami every few days when he went to see Kage Houshi in the library. He's even more protective because this isn't the Academy anymore, and there's nothing here to stop him from seeing Mikagami, who has lost his memory. The roles have quite switched - now Kaoru is the mother hen and Mikagami is the child."  
  
"I - I wanted to see what Kaoru's outlook on this was. I knew Mikagami's increasing depression on the subject, but I wanted to see the 'pushed around' factor of the tangle, Kaoru. And apparently, he's still quite angry at me." Kurei gave a short chuckle. "I never thought a little kid like him would have such a big impact on Mikagami's cold heart. I guess the feeling's mutual between them."  
  
I gave him a questioning look. "And what feeling is that? Love?"  
  
Another chuckle. "What other emotion do they feel for each other?"  
  
I mused for a moment. What Kurei was referring to was that Kaoru may love Mikagami as in.love-love, and Mikagami may love Kaoru as a parent- love. However, that was not what mattered: what mattered was that they didn't hate each other. I knew that Kaoru was very much torn up after being forced to leave Mikagami, and that Mikagami was just as messed up as Kaoru, only he didn't recover. It must have come from having his heart broken one too many times. Mikagami turned out to be much more fragile than Kaoru was, especially in spirit. Perhaps that was why this Mori Kouran person went after Mikagami first - because he was so insecure at the moment. "Then", I asked Kurei, "would it not be your fault for bringing them apart and rendering Mikagami vulnerable in the first place?"  
  
He growled at my words. "I know it's my fault. I just wanted to experiment, that's all." I frowned at his words. It sure didn't just SOUND like experimentation - it sounded like spite. I wondered if there was some ring of truth in Kaoru's insistent yelling of "just what the HELL do you have against Mikagami anyway?" Did Kurei REALLY have something against Mikagami that I hadn't heard of? Could it do with -? I glanced down quickly at the Flame master's arms, now folded over each other on the low box table. Kurei caught my glance and slowly lifted the sleeve of his left arm.  
  
In the light of the lamp, I could see the long silver armband with black flames emblazoned over it. I gasped in realization. I knew now why a red dragon had come out of Kurei's arm instead of the customary purple flames. One of the Eight Dragons of the Tekkou - of course, only a Flame master could use the Tekkou at all. But wasn't Kurei disqualified to use the Tekkou from birth? He was naturally left-handed, which meant that he wouldn't be able to use the Tekkou unless he forcibly changed his hand to the right hand. But his flames only came out of his left - so why was he able to use a right-handed weapon?  
  
And then I saw it. Around the Madougu, there was a faint, reddish- orange shine. I gasped. That was Recca's flame! Reaching down, I slowly ran my hand towards the weapon but had to stop just a millimeter from the surface of the cool metal because there was so much heat radiating from the reddish glow. But how did that happen? I could not possibly be that -  
  
-Recca was Kurei's Flame?  
  
Kurei caught my astonished look and held it. "Yes", he answered slowly. "Recca is my Flame, the flame that is protecting me from the Tekkou's dragons. They did not accept me from birth, but they accept Recca still as their master because he is still partway alive inside of me. His mentality is still there, as well as his abilities to give commands. During battle, I must summon him so that he can control the dragons. In time, perhaps, the Eight Dragons will accept me as their master because it is my body that they are living in - but I think that is highly unlikely. The Dragons chose their master carefully, and if he still has the ability to move and talk even minimally, then he is still their master." He gave a wondering look like a child for a moment. "Kurenai cannot talk, and neither can Reina - so why can Recca?"  
  
Realization dawned on me. Kurei had THREE Flames? I was only aware he had one, and that was Kurenai, who had just died only a few days ago on the frontlines as we fought. I was not aware that Reina, his mother, was a Flame as well. Recca died before Kurenai, and yet he was able to hide the Tekkou for so long.Now that everyone had seen the dragons that were originally from Recca's arm, they would probably whisper about Kurei stealing the Tekkou from Recca's dead body or something. The students were quite frivolous, I decided. It wasn't fair to Kurei he had to go through all the red tape to get his point across.  
  
Gently, almost lovingly, Kurei brushed hand over the surface of slightly orange surface of the Tekkou, tracing the insignia of the black flames. "I've never gotten a gift before, Raiha", he said softly. "I've never received anything in my life half as precious as this Madougu." He didn't look at me as he spoke, but I knew that he wanted me to hear this, maybe because I was the only person he could trust right now. "The Tekkou has a very picky nature in accepting a new master. From birth, I have been rejected from every clique in the school even though I got the highest marks, became the strongest. I was pushed aside when Recca appeared, with Kage Houshi, and he became the new master of the Tekkou. I must admit I was jealous, pettily so. But never before - I've never gotten anything like this from anyone. It's such a gift, and I can only wonder what made Recca give me this gift. He was part dead when he pressed it into my hands and told me to use it. And when I told him that I'd been rejected, he told me make him my Flame and then I'd be able to use it." Lifting his eyes to the fabric of the tent, he stared past me as if he could still see someone in the corner behind me. "I feel like I'm trespassing on his generosity, but I don't think he minds."  
  
"He never does", I added to the end of his statement. "Recca gives and expects nothing. That is why everyone likes him."  
  
"Must I do the same to get the cooperation of the students?", he asked hopelessly. I shook my head. "You get support from other people by what you're good at, not by copying someone else's ideas."  
  
Another world-weary sigh. I was sympathetic with him. Though I wasn't a solution whiz, I was someone that he could talk to, and that was why he trusted me. Many times people had wondered about how I could stand being around him for so long, but I would just smile and shrug them off. Kurei was sympathetic and carrying in his own ways. They just didn't understand him, as they didn't truly understand my reasons. They looked to the surface, and not the heart. I ignored those people.  
  
"I could've died that day, Raiha, and he would have cried. Instead, he blocked that blow with his life and now he's living inside of me, leeching energy out of me with his energetic ways, as usual. And even though we were enemies in school, we were brothers on the field, Raiha. On the front, he was my superior, and I didn't mind it like I did back in the Academy, for some reason. He could rouse everyone to fight, and he said, "Fly to the Moon and back", I think everyone would have tried to the moment he said so." His hand patted the silver armband, and red sparks lit up, as if to say hello. "He told me to be happy, Raiha, and that I hadn't learned how to live yet. He told me to go to Kurenai, and that she would make me happy. "She would love you", he said, "more than we brothers could ever love each other." He told me that in time, I would love her too because she treated me so well. I couldn't say anything to that, Raiha, because it was so true. I don't know how to live, and even though Kurenai's with me now, I can't feel her as much as I can feel Recca, chattering in my mind, and the echoes of his last mortal words running amok in my head." Was that a tear or maybe just a shine from the Tekkou's silver surface? "I think.I was truly his brother then, in heart and soul and not just in lineage and name. He was my brother and I couldn't save him. He would be able to lead this rabble that won't listen to me, Raiha. And though I'll never admit to anyone else in the entire world, he was better than me in all areas, a million times over. If only.if only I'd moved a little faster, his death wouldn't have been necessary."  
  
My heart went out to him. He had gone through so much in the last few weeks, with Recca and Kurenai's deaths haunting him like a cloud. He was extremely gloomy, which only added to his temper when he confronted Kaoru about Mikagami. Warmly, sympathetic with his needs, I got up and put my arms around him. A brotherly hug, like a hug from Mikagami to Kaoru. I gave him a shoulder to lean on and he did so gratefully. I knew, now, that it wasn't just hate that was in this brotherly relationship - there was a strange sort of love, I guess, from their shared lineage. No matter what they did, there was always that voice that seemed to speak of higher things, telling them not to fight each other, to fight the Enemy instead. I could understand. "A million times over, I saw him die last night", Kurei was saying, and my hands rubbed his arms absentmindedly, to warm him like the Flames he had. But Kurei only seemed to grow colder in spirit. "My brother is dead."  
  
I laid my cheek down on his head forlornly, mirroring his inside expression, the one he never showed. On his face was always nothing. But inside, Kurei was human. Inside he felt. I was the one to make those feelings come onto my own face. I gave so much to him.I wouldn't take an ounce of it back if I could.he needed the comfort desperately. I tightened my hold on him, holding my voice steady. I would do anything for my friend: live and die for him, laugh and cry for him. "Poor master" was what I said. "My poor master Kurei." 


	15. The Story of the Frog in the Well

Ch.15: The Story of the Frog in the Well  
  
Tearing past the trees, down into the blackened valley, I ran. I knew that I couldn't outrun either Raiha or Mikagami, but I sure as hell could try. I clutched at the Kougan Anki like it was my last day on this planet, and this world was going to end tomorrow. In actuality, I thought it had ended sooner - it felt like the end of the world now. So Mikagami remembered that bastard first. So what?  
  
So what that I'm in love with him even more now. The untouchable. The Ensui's testing me, seeing what my limits are - if I can resist lying to Mikagami about an US that never was. He's away from me now. I wanted to tell him to go away. Things were getting wildly out of hand, and I didn't want him here. If Mikagami were here now, in front of me, I might do something I might forget.  
  
So what if the war was going on? Screw the war.  
  
So what if the I was outnumbered two to one in those voice in my mind? They told me to do a lot of stuff that I can't really do - to tell Mikagami, to start over, to help him. I bet he's really confused right now. I bet he's thinking "what's up with that stupid KID?" After all I've done, I'm just a child, still. These emotions prove I'm just a kid. These emotions prove that I'm still a primitive being with no sense of direction to open tomorrow's door. I didn't quite care right now, though Mikagami would conditract me on that one. "Everything you do now goes towards your future", he would say.  
  
So what if it hurts me that he's forgotten everything, including me? There's no more Mikagami except in my head, saying the same things over and over. He's the wise man I know, guiding me in what to do next. I go to that memory of him when I don't know what to do. But Mikagami's not there anymore - all there is a very confused, very vulnerable person who doesn't know who he is or what he's going to do. He has no aim. He's like me now, only he has a reason for being aimless. His memory's gone - I just have this stupid crush. I'm eternally damned to covet Heaven.  
  
Exhaustion finally caught up with me. I had no idea where the heck I was; no matter, I still had several flares to set off. I'd use them when I needed to. Of course, it wasn't a good idea to set off flares in the first place because they tell the enemy where you are, but I could always find my way back. I guess Tracking class paid off after all.  
  
Miserably I curled into a ball at the foot of a tree. Idly, I took the Kougan Anki and twisted it into several different shapes. Maybe once upon a time, this form had a number in front of it, and maybe it had a power in it somewhere. I didn't know. Right now, I was only doing this to kill time. I had to calm down. That was what Mikagami told me to do, always. I bitterly laughed out loud. It sounded like I was some kind of worshipper for some idol, when in fact Mikagami was dead. He only existed in my own mind right now - who could be sure if Mikagami would ever be returned to normal? Maybe the Ensui made it so he forgot me completely. If that was it, then I'd stay away from him. Forever, my Mikagami would be lost to me. I didn't want to hurt him like I did before. To have that sort of influence over a person was.something I didn't want again. It made me feel responsible for something that I shouldn't be responsible for. It wasn't fair to him, that he cared only to have it crushed. I was a fool. Perhaps the old Mikagami was fool too, for letting me get that close to his heart without knowing that my instincts and intuition were still of a petty thief. I thought I was pure. HE thought I was pure. I thought I couldn't do any harm. I thought I was strong.  
  
I'm weak. Horribly weak. So weak I fell in love with the person I betrayed. And now, he's lost to me forever. I can't say that I won't love someone else for the rest of my life, but I know that for the rest of my life, I will never love anyone as fiercely, as passionately, as protectively as I did Mikagami.  
  
Mentally I prayed that Mikagami wouldn't find me here, half-sobbing and fully miserable, playing with a weapon that was nice and sharp. He might get the wrong idea. I didn't want to hear Mikagami's Mother Hen attitude right now. I just wanted a rest. I wanted a pause from all of this madness for MIKAGAMI. I didn't want to think about him. I didn't want to feel that every breath I took, every move I made, every step I took was only for him, because he was all I was living for now. The blade of the Kougan Anki fascinated me. So curved, like a twisted line. And yet, my wrist refused to impale itself.  
  
I HATED Mikagami. He was the reason for all this. Why, why did I fall in love with a dead person? I could wish for Mikagami to regain all of his memory, but if I was never remembered, what would that make me? I would forever be apart from him, and there would always be a rift between us. He'd suspect that I was something else to him - maybe a rival, an enemy. And he wouldn't believe what the rest of the students told him about me being his little protégée for that short time - he'd think I was someone he wouldn't like. He doesn't believe something that isn't before his eyes. He'd forever stay apart from me, and he would never trust me as he had before. Hey, I betrayed his trust for a year - why should he ever trust me?  
  
I did hate Mikagami. But the opposite of love isn't hate; it's indifference. And God knows that I'm not indifferent to him. In fact, it's probably the exact opposite; every moment, I paid more than enough attention to him. I wanted to cater to his every need, to help him any way possible - and yet, I couldn't bring myself to do anything. What if he did began to trust me, HIS savior, and what if I betrayed his trust again? Then I'd go to hell. Not that I wasn't there already or that I wasn't already doomed there, but that I'd go further than the Seven Hells, devoured by that monster called Guilt. It had eaten half of me already. For a year I lived as a half-soul, just an existence. If Mikagami was life, than it was its sheer brilliance that drew me to seek it out. I needed, I craved that brightness that should never be mine. I, the Devil's Own Liar, wanted happiness that I once had. HA! Stupid kid, I was. Who wasn't to say that it was just 'tough luck' going for me?  
  
Damn, I thought hopelessly, I really AM in love with him. Now I know why people cry for their lovers or such. The only argument I could come up with the entire thing was "I'm too young for this".  
  
Angrily I transformed the Kougan Anki back into first form and shoved the Madougu point first into the tree root beside me. The wood splintered in half. There, just like me. May that tree root pay memory to me and my pathetic love for Mikagami. I solemnly hope that my love will never be realized, and that Mikagami will never gain his memory for me. I closed my eyes and knelt down in a prayer position, almost as if I were in a church. I wanted this to happen. I'd been so selfish, hadn't I? First, I was selfish for wanting to get into the Academy. Second, I was selfish for choosing the path of least resistance when Kurei held Mikagami to the wall and said that I had to join the Uruha when he wasn't planning to kill Mikagami in the first place. Third, I was selfish for not going to Mikagami when he needed me the most, during that one painful year. Fourth, I was selfish for wanting to seek out Mikagami to forgive my own petty selfish actions before. And the Ensui had been right, wiping Mikagami's memory of me, however temporarily. I'd pay my penance that way. I'd be forced away from Mikagami because he didn't remember me. Untouchable. I had to stay away from him. I gave a sarcastic, sadistic laugh. I had to stay away from Mikagami because he'd just enchant me even more, seduce me until I fell over the cliff over the illusion that I had created for myself, the illusion that the old Mikagami was still there. He's such a playboy.  
  
I whirled around suddenly, trying to see if anyone was there. To my ears seem to come a queer ringing sound, and my hand strayed back to the hilt of the Kougan Anki. Something was here, something was watching me. It was certainly possible that some more of the Terror's lackeys were still in the area. My eyes searched the clearing suspiciously one last time, and then I turned back around. I had not paused a second before a soft voice, the voice I dreaded to hear, hailed me. "Kaoru?", it asked. I shut my eyes tight and tried to blend in with the surroundings, keeping as still as possible. Go away, I wanted to scream. Leave me alone. Stop haunting every thought about how should live my life. Forget about me. DON'T COME NEAR ME OR I'LL HURT YOU.  
  
Silence followed my angry, loud thoughts. I opened my eyes and was surprised to see a mismatched blue in front of me. It took a second to realize that I was staring right into Mikagami's eyes, where I drowned, suffered, swallowed pain by the bottleful over and over and over. I had fallen to the bottom of the well, where no light could reach me, where no knowledge could penetrate my thoughts. My thoughts were frozen. I had plunged headlong into the tiger's yawning mouth, into the gaping depths below. I was the frog. When there is no water during the summer, the frog jumps into the well, where he is destined to stay the rest of his life because he didn't pause to think that if he jumped in, what would haul him out? Nothing. The frog was me. I jumped into the well without a second thought. And now, I was destined to stay there forever and ever.  
  
"There you are", he said, and to my ears there came nothing but silence. I was deaf to anything but his voice, softly calling me. The words were meaningless - all there was a void where my mind SHOULD be listening, and that I should respond, but common sense just sat back and snored. I was at a loss. Every moment, I seemed to twist and bend more unnaturally as the pressure crushed me in its grasp. I couldn't tear myself away. Impossible, my mind tried to say. How could a thief be afraid of a rich man? But I was. In his eyes, I was only Kaoru, not the Golden Boy. He forgave me for my mistakes. He was so kind to me. Every act of gentleness only pushed the knife in further, added gasoline to the fire.  
  
I wanted to scream "I hate you!" or "Get away from me!", but out of my mouth came the words "I love you". Instantly I regretted it - he seemed to find no words to reply to my stupid statement. Don't reply, my mind bitterly advised him. I know you enough to know you hate me. I didn't want him to say anything, to say "I'm sorry" or "I don't understand". I wanted him to slap me, to reject me utterly and leave me with nothing. I wanted him to make me see the REALITY - that he would never love me the way I wanted him to. Kill me, my mind urged. I want you to KILL ME. I want you to give me a swift, torturous but honestly truthful death. I want you to make me see my futileness, that stupid 'flame of hope' gibberish that only happy people bounce about. I want you to crush me under your heel as I did to you. Don't forgive me. I am unforgivable.  
  
He drew me into an embrace. No!, my mind shouted, but my body couldn't seem to move away from the warmth of a thousand candles, the fairy lights that burned in him like Recca's flame. Stay away! Don't drag me into this mess any further! But yet I succumbed to the comfort, the gentleness. Again that love flowed to my lips, and I yearned to speak it out loud, to communicate it to him like a story. My words stuck to my throat. Make up your mind!, I tried to urge myself. You either want it or you don't! There were many things to fear in the moment. I both feared and wanted him to push me away. I both feared and wanted him to kiss me.  
  
How selfish I was.  
  
The second wish came true. Slowly, almost as if he yearned to remember, struggling against an unseen foe inside of him, he kissed me. He tried to put into that action what he was trying to feel now, and I could hear him clearly. "I want to remember you. I want to remember what you were to me. I want to see the truth" was what he was saying. He didn't want my help in remembering; he knew I couldn't help him. This was his own personal battle. Every connection seemed to brand me with his signature; he seemed to be seeking a recognition, a similar action, a SOMETHING that would tell him that I was more than just a recent lifesaver to him. He wanted to know who I was. He was asking me HOW to remember, the directions.  
  
"It's like this", I told him in the kiss. "There was once a boy on the streets called the Golden Boy. He didn't know why he was called that because he sure wasn't living a golden, happy, fulfilled life. One day, another man came along, and he was nice to the Golden Boy because he has something the stranger lacked. He could understand the stranger as no one else in the world had before. That stranger trusted the Golden Boy. But one day, the Golden Boy was forced to make a choice: he either had to leave the stranger or he had to stay. He was afraid to stay because of the trust that the stranger had placed on him, the pure responsibility. The fear overtook him, and he left the stranger to his own devices when the stranger just when he had depended on the Golden Boy so much. For a long time, neither one could find peace. Finally, the Golden Boy decided to look for stranger because it didn't feel right without the stranger's complete trust anymore. But when he got to the stranger, the stranger didn't recognize him. The Golden Boy was sad, but he knew that this was for the better. From then on, he promised to stay away from the stranger forever so that the stranger would never again trust him."  
  
When I ended, Mikagami was crying. Gracefully, he lifted my hand to his cheek and used it to brush away the tears that ran twin paths down his cheek. "That's not right", he said softly, and pressed his forehead to mine, staring straight at me. "The story doesn't have a happy ending. The stranger and the Golden Boy both deserve some happiness, don't you think? It's not fair to them." And when I looked into his eyes, I saw recognition, and I knew that he remembered everything I had ever done to him. My voice fumbled for an apology, and found I didn't need one. My mouth was currently preoccupied, that's all.  
  
We separated. "Why did you kiss me that day in the pagoda?", Mikagami asked.  
  
"I don't know", I answered. In truth, I didn't want to answer the same question twice; I had already answered that to the other Mikagami. "Maybe because I felt like it."  
  
Mikagami looked mock disappointed. "Is that all?"  
  
"Okay", I tried again, "maybe because Fate led me to it."  
  
"That's still not good enough", he pressed.  
  
"Um, it was the rain, I think", I recalled, thinking of the three visions I had seen Mikagami as, and the state of awe I had been in that drove me to action.  
  
":Still not good enough." Mikagami shook his head, and I reached out and caught a few strands in my fingers, they curled around the digits warmly, and I lifted it to my cheek and sought comfort.  
  
"Maybe because the frog wanted a happy ending", I answered finally before we entered back into the Academy camp. Mikagami gave me a curious glance at my answer, but said nothing more.  
  
You see, the frog that jumped in the well without thinking had a friend. His friend couldn't find the frog, and went looking for it. Finally, it found the frog in the bottom of the well and helped him out. The friend and the frog lived together happily ever after.  
  
I'm glad I wasn't the frog. That was Mikagami. However, I'm happy to say I was the friend. 


	16. Epilogue

Epilogue  
  
There's not much to be said of what happened otherwise. With Mikagami's memory back, we most obviously won the war. I (as well as a number of other people) didn't find out about Recca's death until the was almost completely over, when Kurei's arm revealed the Tekkou and the flame that was protecting him. From then on, Kurei and Recca were practically two different people; Recca could still walk and talk on his own and Kurei gave him free rein, so he generally walked camp and talked with people and tried to help out when he could. However, he always managed to do more damage than help; everywhere he stepped turned to ash.  
  
I can't rightly say that Mikagami and I were ever actually together. Yeah, sure, we did live together afterwards, and Mikagami trained kendo students - but I can't really say without lying that we went any further than that. It was generally quiet after the war; my intuition had told me correct when I wondered about the Terror really being Mori Kouran; it was Mori Kouran who was behind the Terror, and I felt quite flattered that he would come out and greet me personally, actually. But Kurei killed him in the end, and said it was some kinda personal vendetta for his actions. More rightly, the credit should've gone to Recca, because it was him who incinerated the stupid guy. But Recca just shrugged when I asked him about it. It must be a Flame master thing.  
  
The Elemental weapons were gathered in the Academy from thereon after. All the people who had been speaking "For the Terror" were released from whatever spell had been cast on them when Recca/Kurei defeated Mori Kouran. People like Mikagami, who had been a Madougu master before, could license to keep their Elemental Weapons until their death, where then it would be returned. Studies were performed on them, but none of the copies of the Elemental Weapons were ever as good as the original. I wondered how Mori Kouran had gotten the copy Mikagami to be a complete copy. After all, that had proved to be Mori Kouran's personal demise - because Mikagami was a COMPLETE COPY, that meant that he could turn on him any time he wanted to.  
  
Kurei and Mikagami acted civil towards each other during the get- togethers that we got every year over at the old Academy-turned-museum to commemorate our defeat of the Enemy that had been plaguing us for centuries. I never knew what it was between them that brought some enmity, but whatever it was, it wasn't bothering them anymore. Must be something to do with Recca, because several times, I found them both in a small group that I could never quite participate in, all talking about Recca.  
  
Kage Houshi died during those two months that I was in the mountains. I never saw her again. She got her wish, and she died right in her son's arms. The Eikai ball remained silent for centuries, showing nothing but blackness until either me or Mikagami near it. Then, it'd show some of the Academy's past times, whether they were about Mikagami and me or not. Somehow, Mikagami and my troubles had somehow left a lasting impression her, and so the Eikai ball reflected its mistress' desires, only letting the previous glory of the Academy be shown to the two of us.  
  
Raiha simply disappeared. He showed up for all the get-togethers, of course, but when they asked what he was doing (it became a routine joke to ask Raiha as many times as you can during that one week out of 52 in a year "so, what're you doing for a living?"), he would always carefully avoid the question. Sometimes random names would come up, and we'd always wonder what that meant. Kurei woud probably know, because Raiha still remained close to Kurei, for some reason. I never knew what kind of relationship it was between them - another mystery forever unsolved. But, what mattered was that Raiha was happy and content, and that he was.  
  
I found out why Mikagami seemed to have an interest in Yanagi. One day, he showed me a pictures of his late sister, Mifuyu. The resemblance between the two - they were probably twins in their last life! But I knew now why Mikagami was such a solitary, sad soul. He never did open up completely to anyone else after he met me. I seemed to fulfill all of his 'understanding' needs. I was there when he needed me, and that was all he asked. Again, I can't rightly say if I loved him still; sometimes I felt I could kiss him again and again, and sometimes it would just be a soft, ache- like to the bottom of my heart. One way or the other, I was right to say that I never again would love someone else - I was never attracted to anyone but him. Kinda an obsession, don't you think? But this one's healthy. I promise.  
  
Okay, so maybe I didn't follow Raiha's instructions. He said, "I think the Golden Boy will save us all." Not really. But I guess saving one person's enough for me.  
  
/ \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \ / \  
  
Author's notes:  
  
I know. The ending sucked. I promise, though, there's more to it in the next sequel or whatever. As I said before, there's more of Kurei, Recca and Mikagami for that one. Kaoru practically isn't there. Well, that's it for now. I know, I know, it sucked and I know it. However, I must say I'm very proud of chapter 15. I put a lot of metaphors that no one's used before in that one. Actually, I wasn't sure where this story was going - I ended it at Chapter 15 because that's the ending, or at least I felt that that's the end of Kaoru's troubles. He can get through anything with Mikagami with him, so the war was no trouble to him as long as he had Mikagami with him. Hmm.now I wonder what would happen if I made Mikagami NOT remember Kaoru.that would've been interesting.  
  
Nah. I'm not that wicked. Oh, well, I will be [wicked] in my next one. That one will have lots of dead people in it, like my Pilot Candidate fic "Shiva". Hmm.I guess you can probably guess who's dying in that one.gave clues away in "A Toast to Death".  
  
Andrea Weiling 


End file.
